Esprit de l'escalier

Well, one guy has redeemed himself from being grouped with the “sucky guys”. I don’t know how this guy does it! He took me out to dinner at this cute little italian place (which by the way, he made RESERVATIONS for!). I love it when guys plan ahead, it shows consideration. It shows that you weren’t an after-thought. But it gets even better! Well, first of all, he called me a few days in advance to ask me if I wanted to go see David Copperfield. I’ve always wanted to see David Copperfield, that guy is awesome!!!! So yea, that’s another example of how Mr. J (that’ll be his alias name) planned ahead.
Anyway, the show was amazing! I was totally stunned. He was funny, he made things disapear…the works. And he did it all to cool music and with a relaxed laid back attitude, which surprised me because it was totally unlike his other stuff I’ve seen. For example, the whole time David Copperfield was wearing slacks and a blue shirt unbuttoned over a white undershirt. But he could have been wearing jeans and a t-shirt and I still would think he was the coolest.
So after the show, Mr.J and I were walking back to the parking garage and we see these guys walking past us that Mr. Copperfield supposedly made disappear and then reappear on the sunny beaches of Taiwan to live happily ever after. So that was sort of disappointing because obviously they weren’t really in Taiwan. *sigh* But I still think David Copperfield is the coolest! hehe
Now, if you think just going to see the world’s greatest illusionist is unbelievable, this guy goes on to out do himself. Once we get back to his car, he asks me if I’d like to go to dessert somewhere. Naturally I said sure, all the while I’m thinking he’s probably going to take me to Starbucks or something. But no, he pulls out his phone and pushes a button (I’m assuming it was speed dial) and asks the person on the other line if they have room to seat two, then he proceeds to make a reservation! I was so impressed! This guy had it all planned out! He even had the number to this really nice little restaurant all set up on his speed dial. So we went to this elegant little place for dessert. He proposed an idea of having this really neato sunday, which the signature dessert of the place, and he didn’t get offended when I said I’d prefer apple pie. By the way, he paid for EVERYTHING! I felt so bad, but somehow it felt okay. He just did it all so casually. He didn’t make a face or suck in his breath when the check came. And he didn’t make any nervous jokes. Half the time I didn’t even realize he’d paid the bill until he asked if I was ready to go. Also, I forgot to mention this earlier…he was such a gentleman all evening! When he picked me up, he was waiting outside to open the door. He opened the car door and every other door, every single time! And it was all casual. He was very smooth about his compliments too. He told me I look nice and everything, which always makes you feel special to hear. His compliments weren’t cheesy or anything and they sounded very sincere. It was sort of funny actually. As we were walking out of the place we went for dessert, he asked me “Now, I know when you’re going into a place that the guy opens the door and lets the lady go first, but how does he do it on the way out? How does he hold the door open? Isn’t it sort of awkward?” It was so funny! I mean, just the fact that he was thinking about it was sort of cute.
So as we’re about to leave the elegant little dessert place, he asks me if I’m going to church tomorrow and I said yes. And then he asks me if it’s not too late, he has another surprise for me. I’d had a feeling there was something more, but it didn’t connect until that moment. He had checked his cell phone for messages a few times that night and he kept talking about some guy or whatever. It turns out Emerson Coffeehouse was tonight and he had made plans with a friend of his to play a few special songs for me! Of course he didn’t tell me this until we got there. Unfortunately his friend didn’t show. Apparently he got stuck on a roomies date. But the show was still fun and I had a great time. *Props to Mr. J* I had another amazing night on the town!
I think one of the things that made this date nice was that it wasn’t awkward and he didn’t make any moves and he was totally honest and sincere. He shared his thoughts and wasn’t talking about himself the whole night. Furthermore, he genuinely cared about what I had to say. If he asked me something and I started to tell him, he wouldn’t interject with a story of his own or anything. He made me feel like what I had to say was intelligent and important.
Even though this is a guy I wouldn’t consider ‘hooking up’ with, he is definitely a guy I have come to respect and admire. Sure he had his goofs here and there, but we all do. The thing that impressed me most out of this whole evening was knowing that he planned ahead and he let me know that I was not and after-thought. For lack of a better word, he made me feel special.

Well, I just checked my grades for Biology online and it turns out I suck. *sigh* Just goes to show that still don’t study enough. I’m such a punk!
Plus I just finished watching Spiderman with my roommate and her best friend. That in itself was great, but then they started talking about boys. blah, that’s the last thing I needed to be hearing, so I left.
My roommate’s best friend just left and she ran off to the SUB Club, it’s a dance thing that’s being held down in the Student Union Building. I wasn’t in the mood to dance and I need to get some work done.
I will not loose heart! I will hold steady in my quest to do the best that I can. Better luck next time! *patting self on the back* I still have faith!

Wow, I’m a bum. I didn’t roll out of bed this morning until 1:30, haha. I was totally awake too! Well, maybe not so much. I was in that place between awake and asleep. It’s a trip, but I know you all know what I’m talking about. So yea, I roll out of bed, brush my teeth, throw on some jeans, my lovely Ashton sweatshirt, pull my hair in a pony tail, grab my books and head to BIO. All the while I’m praising God that it’s no shave, no make-up November. Woo hoo! Unfortunately, (guys don’t read this if you’re weary of feminine issues), as I’m walking down the hill to class I realize something doesn’t feel quite right. haha, I’d forgotten to put on a certain female undergarment this morning in my haste to get to class. I’m such a dork. Just praise the Lord that I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt. Class was interesting today, I was pretty excited about that. We talked about how America is fat and how there is actually a population of fat people suing McDonald’s for making them that way. haha.
Right after class I got a ride to Safeway from Heather. She was dropping her roommate off at her new job up on Queen Ann so she said it’d be no problem. The unfortunate part is that her roommate’s new job is at the little shop I had applied for earlier this month. I was kinda bummed about that. I really wanted to work there. But, so it goes. So I’m still out of work and I feel like a bum for it. But I know God will provide.
I got some new shampoo and conditioner at Safeway…the new Herbal Essance…yummy. I needed a change, and right now I feel like hygiene is the only thing I really have control over. haha.
I got back and worked on my articles until I realized I had a phone message. It was Justin calling to see if I was available Saturday night to go see David Copperfield! I just about fell out of my seat! I’ve always wanted to see David Copperfield live. So now Justin is just waiting to get the tickets in the mail. That’ll be so awesome!
Then Roommate got back and I had to tell her that her other fish was dying. Sadness! So we said a little prayer for the catfish and flushed him down to the great blue yonder. Bummer.
So then she left for work and I snuggled up in my fuzzy blanket on my bed and started reading a new book that Heather had let me borrow. I read until about 6:30 then went to Gwinn for dinner. I brought my book with me because I usually eat alone. Apparently not too many people eat dinner as late as I do, so I don’t bother calling anyone to come with me. Plus, I usually don’t think about it. The only reason I bring it up now actually is because someone came and sat with me tonight while I was eating and asked me about it. Fraser came and ate his dessert with me tonight and we talked for a while. He saw my book and was like “Is this for a class?”, I said no and he wondered how in the world I ever had time for free reading when I’m always so busy. I told him that I usually bring a book with me when I go to eat dinner because I usually eat alone and it keeps me occupied. He told me I needed to be more social. I made a mental note and proceeded to listen to him tell me how I should change and whatever else. I usually just listen to him talk whenever we come across each other. I get the feeling he just needs someone to listen to him. He updated me about things that were going on. He brought up no shave, no make-up November and commented about his views on girls and make-up. He told me about how he had to wear foundation once for a play…I thought that was rather hilarious. Then he asked me if I was wearing any make-up and I told him no. I thought it was quite obvious, which made me wonder…if he can’t tell the difference, why was I bothering to wear make-up at all any other time if I don’t look any different? Who knows? Perhaps he was just being nice, haha. So that turned out to be an interesting conversation.
I got back from Gwinn and began working again. My old buddy Jared stopped by! I’m so glad he has been visiting, it’s been good to talk to him again. The only thing is that he’s been set on talking about courtship lately. I have learned a bit about it here and there. I was encouraged to hear that Jared’s been digging into the Word more and relying more on God for his decisions concerning his future relationships. It was refreshing to hear him voice some very Godly views about the issue. *Props to Jared*
I wanted to listen and talk more with Jared, but I had to go to my Falcon meeting and I once again have a booty load of work to do. I wish I had a fireplace in my dorm room. I just thought about it recently…when I was at home I could always get a fire going in the fireplace and snuggle in with my homework and be able to focus in on it and get it done right there. It’s so much harder to get in a groove when you’re sitting at a desk. I don’t do my homework at my desk too often. Perhaps I’m just weird. But whatever.
One last thing, tomorrow Roommate’s friends are coming to visit, but Roommate is going to be in class. So I get to entertain! Woo hoo! Should be fun. I just hope I don’t have too much running around to do. So yea…that is all.

P.S. my blind date still hasn’t contacted me…I’m thinking he’s a bum.

Well, here’s the scoop. I spent all of last night working at the Falcon. Yippi. It actually wasn’t that bad and I feel that the time spend with my comrads was most constructive. Plus I got a free frosty from Wendy’s out of the deal. Yummy. The sad part is that all the articles I wrote for the paper today are concerning the rampid crime on the campus of SPU *gasp!* Could it be that our little SPU bubble has finally popped and a wave of crime has hit our sheltered enviroment…spoiling it’s perfectness? Oooorrrr, could it be that people are finally reporting all the crime that has been happening all along? Hmmmm *thinking*…I think this is an issue that would take up too much space. So I’ll just leave you with those thoughts to stick in your pocket and save for when you have more time to dwell on them.
I got another blind date. Super crazy story involved in this random matching. It turns out that this was the same guy that my roommate randomly called up last year to see if he would go on a roomies date with me. And, well, to put it simply, he probably thinks I’m a crazy crazy girl. I’m not sure though. There’s more to the story, but nothing exciting enough to take note of.
Side Note and disclaimer for this entry: My head is a snow globe of thoughts and things to remember.

I am busy, but content. I miss Loreanne…I’m coming home soon! I miss cuddling….with my kitties. There are cute boys all around…nice work God, but no thanks. It’s funny how all the good looking people come out when you’re looking like a mad mountain woman, rrraaawwwrrr! hehe. I’m enjoying the scruffy look. I’m also enjoying my closeness with God through all the recent commotion. I was reminded two days ago that I am a ‘Rules Girl’. J hasn’t called back yet. It’s been 5 days and I can’t call back; because it’s against the rules. It’s interesting how you can learn a lesson over and over and have it be new everytime. I finished my book that I was reading, I was unsatisfied with the ending. I plan on reading The Giver next because I heard it was a trippy book. I’m happy that I have made time for free reading. I’ve also been studying about fasting…I think I’m going to try it next week. Jimmy is a happy fish…my roommate’s fish are psycho. There are a number of psycho girls on our floor this week, I think they are all PMSing at the same time. bummer. I have class in a few minutes…I have a lot to get done. bummer again. I should go…that is all!

One more thing…Praise the Lord for events like “No Shave, no make-up November”!
For those of you who are unaware, it is no shave November. Previously deemed a ‘guy holiday’, the women have taken on the event and claimed it for themselves as well. So if you see a few desheveled looking women walking around on campus, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

I was just catching up on my ‘Friends’ page and gee wiz…everyone seems to be going through the blues. And I’m sorry to say that right now I’m no exception to the tragic wave of loneliness and pessimism that has washed over this month. I’ll admit that in comparison to others, I have absolutely nothing to whine about. However, to each person his/her own extreme applies. The ability to compare to someone else’s hard times can only extend as far as my own hard times have carried me. I may not be able to relate to a person who has just suffered losing a brother in a car accident, but it doesn’t mean I can’t relate to their sense of extreme lose or feelings of grief. In the same way, I may not have tried drinking an entire alcoholic beverage, but I can base my knowledge on the fact that I have smelt it and have witnessed its affects on other people.
In this way, I feel I have enough credibility behind me to support myself when I say that I do feel that I am missing out on love. I may not have experienced it in its entirety, but I have a capacity of knowledge to know what I am missing. Hence, the loneliness factor. Just as my best friend has said, I am constantly surrounded by “people in love”. And sure I am happy for them, but at the same time it only increases my awareness of how lonely I am. I have been seeing cute boys left and right and I haven’t even been looking! And when the times come around that I need an escort or whatever…there’s no one around! I know that the last thing I need right now is a relationship, but it still hurts to be alone sometimes. And I miss being able to hug a guy without the scrutiny of on-lookers.
In addition to my gut wrenching, sappy loneliness I have a booty-load of work on my back, massive tests that I am not at all ready for, an overly chipper roommate (which gets annoying after a while…as much as I love her), three outrageous articles on deadline and a gazillion other details to work through. It would be too hard to go into at this point in the game.
What’s worse is that I’m totally not feeling confident about myself right now. You know those days where you just feel ugly and completely useless? Or those days where you feel that you aren’t very bright and it seems like you can’t do anything right? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suffering from depression or anything, I’m just going through a hard time. I haven’t really been making the time to take care of myself or eat right. I feel fat, soft and out of shape. I haven’t been getting the sleep I need and whatever else. Plus I haven’t really put a lot of time into making myself look decent, so whenever I look in the mirror I am reminded why people look at me the way they have been. Lately I feel like every pretty girl and her supermodel roommate have been walking by and looking down on me in disgust. And naturally I look like a mad wreck to all the guys. I’ve been feeling completely detached from the world. To be honest, I feel like the only thing I’ve managed to do is get in the way. I know everyone else may see things differently, but from down here in this hole I’ve dug myself into, things aren’t looking too hot.

Yet, even through this madness, I have kept myself sane with this simple thought: In my weakness, He is made strong.
Geez, and all this time I thought I was looking bad just to make those who are standing around me look better.

I’m going to Heather’s new apartment for an overnight! hooray!
I talked to my mom today and was excited to hear that my brother is going to move into his new apartment next week! *sniffle* He’s growing up so fast! hehe
Also, I was taken out to lunch today by the guy I went on my first blind date with. He’s a swell guy and he’s fun to hang out with. Although he found it odd that I don’t call boys. haha, I guess I’m just an old fashion gal! haha
My mom also told me today that my cousin Brian came for a visit and stayed for a night to take his fireman test for the Oakland Department. He’s so excited about joining the department. He’ll make an awesome fireman. I bet he passed with flying colors.
So even though my mom is sad that my brother is moving out, she sure seemed to perk up when she started telling me all the plans that she has to utilize the new space, haha. She’s going to turn that into the upstairs recreation room and then turn our current upstairs room into a guest room. What’s really cool for me is that she made the comment “So it’ll be like you have your own apartment upstairs for when you come home!” haha, that’s exactly what I was thinking Mom!
Finally, my roommate just got back from hanging out with her dad all day. She brought home some fish from Petco to go in the tank I brought for her. She didn’t get a betta fish though. She got these super hyper, cat-fish looking things. They’re cute and all, but good grief…they haven’t slowed down at all since she got them situated! I told her she should name them Dumb and Dumber because they are not too bright. They keep swimming behind the filter tube and getting stuck. haha. I guess Jimmy has set the bar high on my fish standards. He’s such a trooper! Props for Jimmy!

Question for the day: Do fish get headaches? Because my roommate’s fish sure are giving me a headache…they just keep going around and around and around and around….

PoluOwau: I’m so confused sometimes I don’t think my head will ever stop spinning
Him: I know what you mean
PoluOwau: why is it so much easier to sort these things out in someone else’s life, but never your own?
PoluOwau: I think I’m festering inside
Him: yes
PoluOwau: why am I festering?
PoluOwau: *fester fester fester, rot rot rot*
Him: it always is
PoluOwau: have I always been festering?
Him: you do seem to have a lot stored up inside 🙂
PoluOwau: I feel like such a weak priss
PoluOwau: blah
PoluOwau: look at me….I’m a mess…and I’m whining about it
Him: I told you before you were very difficult to read
PoluOwau: I can’t even read myself
PoluOwau: haha
Him: hehe
PoluOwau: what kind of book am I?!!
PoluOwau: haha
PoluOwau: I must be brail
Him: you’re a dictionary…
PoluOwau: ooo, good one
PoluOwau: hehe
Him: that had all its pages fall out
Him: and blown in the wind
PoluOwau: the book nobody wants to use unless they need something
Him: then picked up and shoved back under the cover
PoluOwau: nice analogy
PoluOwau: I’ll have to remember that one
Him: 😉
PoluOwau: I think that might explain why a few pages are missing
Him: LOL
Him: no comment
PoluOwau: and why people only come to me when they need something
PoluOwau: or need to know something, rather
PoluOwau: I understand though, perhaps that’s just the way God made me
Him: yea, good luck trying to find it
PoluOwau: I gave up trying
PoluOwau: this deal is sold ‘as is’
PoluOwau: but honestly, I’m not even on the self
Him: how much?
PoluOwau: not for sale
Him: bah
PoluOwau: I’ve been kicked to the curb
Him: free then?
PoluOwau: like an old sofa
Him: I’ll take 4
PoluOwau: haha
PoluOwau: yea, good deal…pretty low maintanence
PoluOwau: haha
Him: 😉
Him: LOW? hahah
PoluOwau: compared to some
PoluOwau: at least I don’t nag
PoluOwau: well, that I know of anyway
Him: ah
PoluOwau: perhaps that comes with experience
Him: never thought of that, but its true
PoluOwau: and I’m reasonably self sufficient
PoluOwau: I can treat my own wounds
PoluOwau: etc, etc,
Him: etc too
PoluOwau: yea
PoluOwau: okay, so I have a few bugs to work out
PoluOwau: ok ok
PoluOwau: lot of bugs
Him: treating your own wounds can be bad tho, sometimes its good to just open up
PoluOwau: alright alright, I’m broken
Him: let it all hang out
PoluOwau: this is why I can’t open up, I’m too self monitored
PoluOwau: and I hate being vulnerable
Him: aye
PoluOwau: at least I’m aware of my faults, it’s one step to solving them
Him: 😉
PoluOwau: and yet, I somehow, deep down….I am a completely different book
PoluOwau: all together
PoluOwau: hey, how about that, I’m a box series
PoluOwau: ha
Him: cool
Him: collectors edition
PoluOwau: there ya go
Him: directors cut
PoluOwau: collecting dust with no shame
PoluOwau: last one on the floor

Wouldn’t it be weird to go a whole day without making eye contact with anyone you talked to? I don’t mean just sitting at home by yourself and talking on the computer or on the phone or whatever…I mean actually having the ability to see and going about your average school/work/whatever day and talking to people face to face, but not making eye contact. I would imagine one would feel really detatched by the end of the day. Hmmm….trippy.

Today was beautiful, until it started raining. I woke up early and took a nice hot shower in the good stall that has water pressure. What made the shower even better was that I had plenty of time to shave my legs *sigh*. Such a nice feeling! So I had a lovely start to my Saturday. I grabbed my book and got to Gwinn at about 8am and made myself a lovely waffle with strawberries and whip cream. Honestly, it was alright, but the strawberries tasted kind of weird. But it filled me up. I sat in Gwinn reading ‘Catcher in the Rye’ (this book is outside-of-class reading, which is what makes it fun to read – simply because I’m not forced to read it, haha) and sipping a mug of hot chocolate until about 11:30am. Then I went back up to Ashton and sat in the lounge and read a few more chapters. I have one chapter left to read and I’m anxious to find out what happens.
After sitting in the main lounge for a while I decided I wanted to work on my painting. So I gathered my cds and headed down to the art center at about 12:30. I got to the room in the art center where I usually paint and found that the cd player was missing! But thankfully I brought my discman for just such emergencies. To my surprise I pop open my discman and Praise the Lord! There’s my missing Silverchair cd!!!! I was so excited! So I happily painted away while listening to Silverchair until about 5:30. Then I remembered that dinner in Gwinn only goes until 6pm. By this time I look outside and it’s dark and rainy. Blah. But I go back up the hill, find my roommate cleaning, I grab her and drag her to Gwinn. From Gwinn I went straight to Johnny’s place to watch CSI. It was a good one. But unfortunately I didn’t get to watch all the episodes that he recorded for me because his friends called him to go out to a movie and a club that is for 21 and up. So he walked me back and so here I am. I ran around looking for a VCR, but alas…they are all being used. The VCRs on the guy floors are occupied by guys that have girls over to watch movies and the VCRs on the girls floors are occupied by girls who have guys over to watch movies. Bummer. Oh well, perhaps eventually I’ll have some cash to get a cheap VCR or convince my parents to let me bring back one of the 50 VCRs we have at home! haha.
I’m super excited for tomorrow because after church I’m being taken out to lunch and after that *squeal of joy* I’m going to go to an overnight at Heather’s new place! It’s gonna be fun and I always enjoy having something to look forward to. So now I’m gonna be a good girl and study for a while. So I shall leave you with my random thought for the day…do animals blush? Can you even embarrass an animal?