Esprit de l'escalier

So I’ve been home for 4 days now and life has been…well, I’m not quite sure how to describe it. Naturally, there have been good times, like seeing Loreanne again! and hanging out with Lance, good food, parties, talking with Quinn, hanging with Heather, candle lit quiet times; needless to say, the good has out-weighted the bad. The only bad I can really think of is that I miss my friends in Seattle and I get a little restless…feeling like I am supposed to be doing something constructive.
Anyhow, here I am, chillin’ in my new ‘painting room’, working on three different pieces that I’m doing for Christmas presents. I dropped Heather off today at the airport. She was tired and I could tell she just wanted to go home. Yesterday was a long day, haha.
Right now, my parents, my brother, his girlfriend and her parents are sitting downstairs discussing the wedding. Well, that’s what they are supposed to be doing. As soon as I walked upstairs to start my painting, I heard them talking about me! I was thinking “what in the world?! I’m not getting married…and they’re discussing that!” haha, I thought it was hilarious. They have more fun talking about my ‘singleness’ than my brother’s wedding! haha. I think it was fun for them simply because I wasn’t there. Who knows?!
I’m not sure what adventures the week ahead of me holds. Perhaps I’ll finish Christmas shopping tomorrow and work on my paintings. I spent $115 on paint supplies today, and that just covers 3 people’s presents. I’m going to be so broke. I figure I’ll only work in the office enough hours to make my account break even. The rest of the time I plan on hanging out with my best friend and I’m hoping I might get taken out on some dates, hahah! I know, I know, the chances of that happening are looking slim, but I can pray, right? hehe.
Well, back to my new ‘painting room’ (a.k.a. my bro’s old room).

Ok, so maybe that’s not completely true…I mean, I could always go back to “the office”…blah! The sad thing is, as much fun as I had working at A&F, I feel it wouldn’t be right for me to go back and work there…even though I do have a check that I have to pick up…I’m too scared to go back.
You know what else is weird? I’m a spoiled brat…ok, so maybe that’s not really news to some of you, but right after my mom picked me up from the airport on Wed, she whips out her cell phone and calls the place she goes to have her nails done and she just casually books another spot and she takes me to go get a manicure and a pedicure! I was like whoa! That’s pretty cool, but I still felt really weird…well, number one because I hadn’t shaved my legs in a while and my ankles were all gross with blisters and stuff…but number two, because…honestly, how many people do you know that can just take you to get pampered like that right after picking you up from the airport?
My flight back this time wasn’t as interesting as my last flight. This time there were only 45 people on the plane. Totally empty! I was surprised because I thought since it was the holiday there would be more people, but I guess the rush doesn’t start until next weekend. I sat next to this guy who looked like Inspector Gadget. He acted like him too! He was smiling at me and leering like a creepy old man and asking me personal questions. It was just awkward and all I wanted to do was read my book! Last time I sat next to this guy who was my age and was studying to be a lawyer. He asked for my phone number and I gave him the number to my dorm room last year. Hehe. He was a nice guy and all…but I just don’t feel comfortable giving my number out to random guys. He tried giving me his number, but I was honest with him and I told him that I don’t call guys. This is true!
Anyways, this time around I made it through the airport loosing only $45 and another pocket knife. I forgot to take it off of my key ring. Grrrr…this is the second one! Honestly people, what am I going to do?! Poke somebody’s eye out!? And the $45 was because my suitcase was 7lbs over the limit. Now tell me this, why in the world do they make suitcases so big? It’s pointless; it just encourages people to bring more stuff. Most of what I had in my suitcase was Christmas presents. The people behind the counter looked at me like I was a priss who couldn’t leave home without bringing the whole bathroom and an entire store of shoes. It was rather frustrating, but you’d think I would have learned my lesson by now. Oh well.
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It’s a sad scenario. How everytime I have the chance to talk to someone that I really want to communicate with…and I botch it. Why can’t I ever say the right thing at the right time? It’s a curse. I pray and pray for the opportunity…God provides…and I wuss out. Perhaps it’s for the best. The worst part is, if I never said anything at all…I would just be looked over. This misfortune poses an unfortunate question, is it better to say something stupid…or to say nothing at all? I suppose it’s just one of those vicious cycles. *sigh* Better luck next time, eh?

*What?…what’s that you say?…I’ll look back at this misfortune and laugh?…My dear friend, I need not reflect and laugh at myself years from now…for there are plenty of people laughing at me already.*

It’s amazing how God works. But of course, we all knew that already. hehe. But I like that He keeps reminding me. I was so excited yesterday because I got to talk to Jared! I haven’t actually had a chance to talk to him in a long time. He called me and we got caught up until Chris came by. He was trying to call me to go out for a while. But, hehe, I was on the phone. That never happens! My roommate is the one who’s usually on the phone. It was so weird! Anyhow, I had to say goodbye to Jared. Hopefully I’ll be seeing him over break.
From there I went out with Chris. I owed him one from my antics at Ashton skate. I’d explain, but it’s too shameful. *blush* Bottom line is that I owed him and so we went out to coffee to make up for it. I tried to pay, but he beat me to it! Normally I’d be like “hey, that’s pretty slick”, but I felt like I should have paid, considering I was the one who owed him. But anyhow, we had a good time and it was nice to just chill instead of getting stressed the night before finals.
It’s especially nice with Chris, he’s just an awesome person to talk to because you know he’s really listening. So after I got back from hanging out with Chris, I checked my voicemail and I had a call from Dan J wanting to know if he could see some of my art work before I left for home. So I figured I’d take him to the art center to see some work before I really got in the groove of studying and working on my take home final. We walked down to the art center and I showed him around and we talked for a while. It was nice. It was fun to see how fascinated he was by art. Being an EE major, stuff like art is not something that comes naturally. haha. So then he walked me back to my room…a total gentleman…I give him props. Then I got my stuff done for today…I was up until 4am, but I wasn’t the least bit tired. That was a blessing. I’m not sure how I did on my finals, but I’m glad they are over and out of the way. After I finished those I came back to the room to finish packing and say goodbye to my roommate. She left for home a while ago. I also said goodbye to Jimmy. He’s staying at a friend’s house so I don’t have to worry about taking him on the plane when I leave tomorrow. My desk is so empty without him! So that brings me to where I am right now. I can’t wait to see what adventures the evening holds!

So far, today, like every other day, has had it’s ups and downs and it’s only a little after 9:30. I got up and went to my art critique this morning. I was sort of stressed about it because I was at the art center till the wee hours last night trying desperately to finish this series I was working on. Praise the Lord, though, I got an A!!!! Plus my prof asked if he could keep some of my work for the Spring show! It’s kind of funny actually….when my prof was done critiquing the girl that came in before me, he told her he wasn’t going to have grades done for a while so he couldn’t say what her grade was just yet. Then he turns around and tells me I’ve got an A after my session. hehe. Score!!! One class down, three more to go!
So that was the pro for the day so far, here’s the con. There’s this guy that I have crossed paths with everyday this quarter on my way to Com class. And every time I would say “Hi! How are you doing?” and he would say “I’m well, thank you!” And that would be the extent of our interaction. No more, no less. Well, today I passed him and I said my usual “Hi! How are you?” and he just gave me this look like “Who gave you small talk privileges?!” I was kind of discouraged by the scowl, but I’m over it. Well, ok, so it’s not that bad but I was sort of put out by it. Who wouldn’t be? It’s probably just the stress of finals, I think I’ll add him to my prayer list.

P.S. Two more days until I come home Loreanne! Then it’s party time!

hehe, thanks best friend for those wonderful quotes! hehe I love Perfect Strangers!
Well, here I am, procrastinating again. blah. Makes me feel like a bum and what’s even worse is when you’re avoiding something you’re supposed to do and you have a bowl of Hershey’s chocolate right within arms reach. Very very bad idea. Bad chocolate BAD!
I woke up this morning and went to breakfast with my roommate. I but have looked frightening because when I was getting cereal, this guy looked at me with a frightened look. haha, sorry dude, but today was not a make-up worthy day, so deal.
After getting food I hobbled back up to Ashton to study more. I was hobbling because my ankles are all cut up and blistery from Ashton skate night. I love skating…but it’s been sooooo long! But it was worth the blisters. Plus I got to hold hands with three boys! *clapping with glee* They were cute boys too!
Yesterday after studying with Dan J, we were heading out to the main lounge so we wouldn’t have to interupt our studies again to leave the hall because of floor hours, and I opened the door to be greated by a hallway full of boys. yikes! We were raided by our brother floor. Fun stuff, I wish we’d get raided more often. So I had to ditch Dan J and go with the raidees. I got to talk with Chris. He’s such a stud. I apologized for leaving him during couples skate last Friday and I told him I owed him one. He said he wanted to have another “under the stars” conversation like we had before. So I promised him I’d do what I can. He’s hopefully going to call me either today or tomorrow. I can’t wait, it’ll be fun.
I was talking with a new friend last night and I was so encouraged to hear how God has been working in his life. I love hearing victory stories.
But during that conversation he said something that I’d heard many times before and never really thought about it whole-heartedly…he said “if you think about a guy for more total minutes during the day than you think aboug God, thats really bad”
I was thinking about it and what if you’re thinking about a guy a lot, but only because you’re praying for him? hmmm…I’m thinking this could be a very circumstantial issue…oh well, with that…it’s back to studying for me…weeeee.

There is another man I need to add to the list…I know I said before that there are a few that I didn’t include because I knew it would make it too long…but this fellow cannot be overlooked.

[…]

Here’s a run down of some awesome, admirable men (other than immediate family) that have been a part of my life in some way or another. These men fall in several categories ranging from friends, past significant others or perhaps even potential significant others. The one thing they all share in common is that they have been placed on my list of Notable Men deserving props and kudos for displaying any number of virtues.

[…]

Wake up with a jolt…gasping for air…palms hot and clamy…every muscle is tense…fists clenched…pillows on the floor…sheets twisted holding me to the bed like hospital restraints…pajamas clinging in a cold sweat…short, quick breaths, heart racing, foggy sight, shifty eyes, dark silence, I can feel a presence and it’s not just my roommate…
I have been having the craziest most frightening nightmares these past few nights. I’m not quite sure how to describe them…but it’s extremely nerve racking because it seems like it’s been forever since I’ve had such scary dreams.
The one I had last night was especially scary…

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Gee wiz, where do I begin? I know I haven’t had a decent update in a while…I’ve been posting outragiously long conversations to justify my lack of relevent posts.
I have been back at school only a week, but I feel like enough action has gone on to fill a whole quarter. Not one time this week have I gone to bed before 3am and not a day has gone by that I haven’t learned something new about myself or someone else that would change my perspective on life. I’ll admit I have never liked feeling vulnerable or weak, but this has been the ultimate weak of vulnerablility. People have learned things about me that only my family and best friend would ever know. The cool thing is that I know that God is at work and I know that He is utilizing my pain for a greater good.