Esprit de l'escalier

This is one of those typical college student moments in my life when I can not FOR THE LIFE OF ME keep my attention centered on what I need to be doing.
I also have a feeling that this quarter is one of those seasons in my life where I’m going to look back and see all the amazing work God was doing in me. But of course, at the moment, I can’t see any of that…so my appreciation factor is not quite up to par.
I have a HUGE UFDN paper due tomorrow and a PSYCH test. I’m not ready for either of them at all because I have been focusing on the articles that were due for the Falcon (which by the way were reassigned…in other words…my work with somebody else’s name on it *sigh* again).
My roommate and I signed up for Robbins apartments today. That whole process was so hard. I couldn’t figure out if that’s where God wanted me…because practically speaking it’s not so convenient for me to live out in the boon docks where I’ll probably have to walk back home in the dark after night meetings and such. But honestly, I didn’t really want to go through the process of growing close to another roommate like I have grown close to my current roommate. I was getting so incredibly frustrated with myself. So yea, that threw me for a loop. Also, I found out that some of my friends are already home for summer and hearing this really makes me want to come home.
I talked to my dad yesterday and it was so good to hear his voice. It’s funny how just hearing your dad’s voice seems to solve everything. I was really stressing out over my ‘issue’ and I explained it to him and he straightened everything out for me. He explained the Scriptures to me and even cited references and counseled me back to a balanced mental state. I was really relieved.
I also had a chance to talk to my brother today which was wonderful. He showed me the paint ball guns he’s planning on getting…apparently this is his new ‘thing’. haha
And believe it or not…I think I’ve finally scared away any and all boys that had any intentions of pursuing me. Yes, that’s right…ALL of them. I think. *sigh* Who knows…
Well, it’s time to get back to work…*groan*

I really don’t like being a girl sometimes. I feel so trapped. I can’t go anywhere or do anything because any number of the following can happen:

-I get jumped
-I get jumped and then raped
-I get raped and then have my head shaved and my hair sold.
-I get jumped, raped, have my head shaved, my hair sold and then I’m taken to another country and sold on the white slave market.

Or any combination of those things if not worse. But I want to get away soooo bad! Boys are so lucky, they can go anywhere and do practically anything they want and not have a care in the world.

Excuse me? Made for who?!?!

http://www.sundanceonlinefilmfestival.com/shorts01_06.html

This is worth checking out if you have a chance.

Sad, but somehow true.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2003/05/09/notes050903.DTL&nl=fix

Went on a roomies tonight. My date was a really nice guy and very handsom. It was nice to go on a blind date and have fun getting to know someone new. He was a nice guy…he was more my roommate’s type than he was mine. (go figure, considering she picked him out, hehe). We went to the Mariner’s game. We won, 6-3 to the White Socks, yippi. Sorry, I still support my home team…the A’s. All in all, I came back happy and with a bright orange spot in my hair. (yea…somehow he found a bottle of spray-in glitter hair color…I only pray that it washes out).

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (surprise) and I’ve come to the conclusion that I think too much and I don’t pray enough. And on top of that, I read way too much. I should just stop informing myself of the world around me…it gets overwhelming. For years and years before there were things like the newspaper or 24 hour news channels, people got along great without knowing what was going on in the rest of the world. I mean, honestly…how important is it to know the Christina Aguillera gained 7 pounds? “Oh my gosh! the world is forever changed!” *sarcasm* I don’t even think I spelled her name right. Whatever.
I also realized how important my roommate is to me. I can honestly say I’m seriously blessed. Ever since I had to leave my precious Loreanne at home, I haven’t had anybody else to really truly spill my guts to. (well, I haven’t had anybody that I felt comfortable spilling to anyway). Until now, I was not aware of the importance of a venting buddy. I think it’s because I usually am the soggy shoulder and the listening ear. I’ve learned that talking about what’s on your mind is incredibly important for identity development. It’s also extremely important financially. Since I’ve learned to open up to my roommate, I can honestly say that the number of notebooks and journals that I’ve gone through has been cut down considerably. Dang…I write a lot. Also, I haven’t felt compelled to express myself through art in a long time. (could this be a bad thing? perhaps).
I talked to my roommate for a good couple hours last night. Man, I didn’t realize I had been festering inside for so long. Why do I hide myself? I dunno. Perhaps I’ll find out next week in psych…I think we’re going over something in that realm of the brain. It should be interesting.
The only bad part about talking for so long last night is that I didn’t finish a paper that was due today. I skipped that class and finished it and turned it in before my next class. I’m glad I got it out of the way. But alas, I still have a few more papers and articles to finish by next week. To think that by the time I’m all grown up and settled down…I could be bored and wishing I were back in the very spot I’m sitting in right now. Trippy to think about. Once again…I think too much.

Last night as I was trying desperatly to write one of two huge papers that are due tomorrow, there was a knock on the door. One of the girls on our floor opened the door and pointed to the ground…which was occupied by a bundle of lavendar lilacs and a simple white card.

Front of card: “…far above rubies.”
Inside the card: “Precious Sister and Friend,
Monday night you brought up a topic that was already settled in my mind. Since words seemed to fail me, I hope you saw in my eyes what I could never put in words.
[my name here], you could never ever never ever never be anything but a blessed gift to a consequently very blessed man. Yet, I assure you that in my heart the biggest issue remains: ‘What is His calling?’ God’s will is the fundamental issue of our redeemed lives and this alone must capture our actions and affections. Thus, I will continue to be your friend and wait on His will; whatever it is for your future and mine.
I brought you these simply because I want you to know that in my eyes you are a truly virtuous woman and that you are worth far more than rubies…
Your friend and stubborn admirer,
X-to remain anonymous-X

Last night as I was trying desperatly to write one of two huge papers that are due tomorrow, there was a knock on the door. One of the girls on our floor opened the door and pointed to the ground…which was occupied by a bundle of lavendar lilacs and a simple white card.

Front of card: “…far above rubies.”
Inside the card: “Precious Sister and Friend,
Monday night you brought up a topic that was already settled in my mind. Since words seemed to fail me, I hope you saw in my eyes what I could never put in words.
Sarah, you could never ever never ever never be anything but a blessed gift to a consequently very blessed man. Yet, I assure you that in my heart the biggest issue remains: ‘What is His calling?’ God’s will is the fundamental issue of our redeemed lives and this alone must capture our actions and affections. Thus, I will continue to be your friend and wait on His will; whatever it is for your future and mine.
I brought you these simply because I want you to know that in my eyes you are a truly virtuous woman and that you are worth far more than rubies…
Your friend and stubborn admirer,
Josh

You are Gambit!

You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have.
Your preference for solitude and your
attractiveness make you very intriguing to
those you meet. Unfortunately, close
relationships are few and far between for you
because you often have trouble opening up to
others.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha, I bet res-life would love to get this guy on their pay role. That is…if Dom (the french dessert guy in Gwinn) doesn’t get a hold of him first. 🙂

Link: http://www.dormlinebacker.com – DAUNISH DAY – DORM LINEBACKER

I have no idea why I’m up right now. I should be sleeping like a baby…but alas, here I am…wide awake and pondering the ways of life. *sigh* Life is a funny and complex thing…sometimes it’s so simple and other times it’s like rubix cube complicated. Who in the world thought up a rubix cube anyway? (weird people who had nothing better to do…that’s who!)
I think I’m in one of those ranting moods. I haven’t had one of those for a while. I went to the Michael Medved thingie tonight…it was cool. I have a lot of respect for that guy. I think it’s because he has chosen to take on a field that I hope to engage someday. I wonder sometimes if I’d ever make it. I’m torn. I keep getting intercepted by all these guys who tell me I should be dreaming about being a stay home mom and supporting my husband like a good little ‘wifey’. But I have other dreams! I want to have a career…live by myself for a while…travel and see the world with my best friend…go to Europe! I have so much I want to do and so much that I dream about…is that fair? Am I allowed to dream even if the odds are against me? Am I aggressive enough to be a journalist? Sure I want to be a mom someday…I repeat…SOMEDAY…but Lord knows it’s not today and it’s not any day within the next few years. It’s so hard with society telling me one thing and the christian world telling me another. I’m slowly starting to realize that ominous quandary that women encounter. The career crossing with family life dilemma. Some think it’s quite clear…women belong at home…I’m sure there are some who have the ‘in-between’ opinion of it…but honestly, those seem to be few and far between. I mean, what do you do if you fall in love with a man whose career clashed with yours? There are so many things to think about. In a sense, part of committing to someone (as in marriage) means giving up your dreams. Should I even bother dreaming? *sigh* I think too much. Goodnight. 🙂

I stole this from lifeofbrian – it’s hilarious!!!

http://66.70.181.237/sf/files/baywatch.wmv