I really don’t like being a girl sometimes. I feel so trapped. I can’t go anywhere or do anything because any number of the following can happen:

-I get jumped
-I get jumped and then raped
-I get raped and then have my head shaved and my hair sold.
-I get jumped, raped, have my head shaved, my hair sold and then I’m taken to another country and sold on the white slave market.

Or any combination of those things if not worse. But I want to get away soooo bad! Boys are so lucky, they can go anywhere and do practically anything they want and not have a care in the world.

I wish my dog was still around. I had so much freedom when I had my dog with me. I could go running by myself, I could have my quiet time at the park if I wanted to, I could take that dog anywhere. He was great company too. Golden Retrievers rock. I think everyone should have a golden retriever at least once in their life time. The only thing a dog can’t save you from is the horrible scriptural destiny of women. Don’t get me wrong, I love serving and all. But just the way people talk about it is so demeaning. I was talking to a friend today and he was saying something about how it’s funny that I don’t get emotional. I laughed and said, “Why should I get emotional?” and he said something to the effect of “because all women are emotional”. I gave him a look like “oh really?”…in other words, I encouraged him to go on and support his thesis. He simply said “You’ll get emotional…you’re a woman…you will get emotional and you will cry.” If there’s one thing that really really bugs the heck out of me, it’s statements like that. So cocky! Statements made in such confidence…like “I know you and you WILL do this”. Whatever! grrrrr…”know-it-all-jerks” make me so mad! Why do I waste my time listening? He said “you will serve a man…you’re a woman sarah, you are built for it.” I’m sitting there thinking…well if there’s one thing I know, I know I wasn’t built for you…JERK! Then he said something like…it says in the Bible that men were made for God and women were made FOR men. I know that’s what it says in 1 Corinthians 11, but I’m really struggling with this. I want to be made for God…not for man. Is this to be my soul purpose in life? To serve a man? I long to be with Christ, not a man. Sorry guys…no offense to you or anything…but that is not my heart’s desire. I’m not living to serve man, am I? Sadness. If this is really what God meant for me…it serves me right. How very humbling it is. I now understand how Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba and Mary felt. I only pray that I can fulfill a purpose as great as they did and seek God with that kind of strength and faith. That’s quite a load to think about, if you’re a woman. I tried to explain these concepts to my friend…and he said he understood, but I think he was just saying that to humor me. How is it that a woman can be worth far more than rubies…and yet feel so stinkin’ worthless. Perhaps I just needed to be humbled.
“What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses: I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”
“It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” (Romans 9:14-17)

I really don’t want to be caged. I want to be for the Lord…I want to serve Him. If that means serving a man, I will do it. But not because a man told me to…only because the Lord told me to.

By the way, I read this article in Newsweek…very interesting cover story. I would recommend finding a copy and checking it out.

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4 Responses to “Grrrrr…”

  1. whateverusay says:

    possibly, did you read the last post i put up to you?i just am not understanding why it is so black and white.
    the thing is, it says in Gen. that God created women as a “help-mate for man”. if one does a simple word study of that phrase they will see that it litrally translates into “to come along side” of man. we, as women, were not made as subordinant, but as companions. we are the other half of man so that they are not lonely…and vise versa i guess. God did not have to give us our status of one as provider and one as comforter until we choose to sin and sin came upon us.
    im sorry if you want to believe that all we are here for is to be domintated, but i do not. i believe God will bring me the perfect man for the person he has made me to be, and that we will help each other through our ministries and lives as one-flesh in Christ.

  2. sarahmadson says:

    Re: umm…
    haha, I do not want to believe that all we are here for is to be dominated. I’m sorry if that’s the impression you got. That’s hardly the case. That just happens to be what everyone and their roommate is telling me. I don’t belive it though. I agree with you 100 percent.

  3. Anonymous says:

    You guys are both wrong. Women are meant only to SERVE MEN.
    haha I’m just teasing.
    The truth of the matter is, that I found your grounding to Scripture quite impressive. You turned the statement from serving men to serving God. Very intellegent. I think you’re hitting it right on.
    The other thing is I think what you were saying about the bubble factor of things is quite true. I think you SPU kids are living almost in a different world, which is kinda cool in some areas, but really not in others. I mean, if I told a girl that kinda stuff down here at USC, I would have my @#$%’s hanging from Tommy Trojan at the center of campus. As for the christians that I know here at USC, they would probably be more intune to what you’re saying. Men shouldn’t dominate women, but not to the extreme that the world says. Kinda more in between.
    In fact, let me ask you this. What if I were to send your post to some of the people I know here at the Christian Artist Network, or even give them your livejournal name and see what they think, because I know that you’re definitely not alone on this.
    Hey, does the flower guy talk like that. I mean, the guy who left you that cool card, what does he say.
    Anyways, to much for one post, I’ll see online and just pester you there.
    hehe jk.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Paul talks about a husband and wife being eachothers… the wife’s body is the husbands, the husband’s is the wifes etc… That sounds like equality to me. But man is expected to be the spiritual head of the household and therefore should have the prevailing decision on matters IF AND ONLY IF he is acting in the will of God. It is certainly unjust for a man to tell his wife to clean the house just because he said so… ludicrous. But we do have God give roles… It’s just that slavery isn’t one of them.

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