Oh wow

DodgeT69: can i get something off my chest i dont want this to get all wierd or anything
PoluOwau: sure
PoluOwau: you still there?
DodgeT69: i dont know if you know or not but i still have feeling for you and i dont know what you think about me but i need to get this out in the open so i wont feel wierd when i talk to you at least for me i want you to know that if i was at home i would consider seeing if you would want to get back together but seeing as we are so far apart and me maybe having to go off to war i just want you to know that you are an awesome friend and i thank God that i have someone in my life that i can talk to like this just spill my guts to sometimes and the other time just love to be around you and all ahh this is so hard for me to say… any way i just want you to know that is what is on my heart you are and awesome Godly woman sarah and i just cant imagine ever loosing your friendship and maybe some day in the future it being more i am sorry if this all comes as a shock and i dont want to scare you but i said about missing you and everthing is true it has been truly hard to be away from you i hope that this does not hurt our friendship because i love you as a friend so much
DodgeT69: i am shaking right now
PoluOwau: wow

***

PoluOwau: wow, I guess I don’t know what to say
DodgeT69: so what are you thinking
PoluOwau: well, actually I was just thinking about how the shelf I just mounted in my room is about to fall down
PoluOwau: I was hoping that the mounting tape I used would hold it up
PoluOwau: since we can’t use nails
DodgeT69: awesome i love how random you are
PoluOwau: haha
DodgeT69: 😀

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HOMEWORK SUCKS…the life out of me

Crap crap crap…I’m getting sick. AND I have a mother load of homework. All I want to do right now is go out and play with my friends! I want to go shop for the rest of my Halloween costume! I want to carve pumpkins and watch scary (or not so scary) movies!
Someday…someday, things like this won’t happen. Stupid conscience…stupid stupid academic conscience.

P.S. I hate being a girl.

P.P.S. I wish I had a kitten to distract me. I like kittens.

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Once again…in case you don’t check…There are so many things…

There are so many things that I admire about you. One of those things is your ability to put into words thoughts and feelings I’ve had too. Nobody would believe me if I told them…but let me assure you I’ve been in this pit before. I may not have taken the same route to get there…but here I am, sitting next to you. And since we’re both here, let us enjoy good things together…let us pray and eat ice cream. I’m not sure what the ice cream would be for…but I know that praying always helps. Not the kind that is like “Dear God, Help us Father, and her, Lord, the… and Holy Spirit…God…” You know the kind I’m talking about. ( Do they ever really say anything when they pray like that? I think I’d be uncomfortable if someone said my name that many times in a sentence.) But we would pray the rawest, most sincere prayers together. The kind that don’t really have a beginning. They just start as our hearts crumble in our hands and we gather them in little piles on the ground between us. And we sit back on our heels, heads hanging, and we present our little heart sand castles before God and ask Him to forgive our carelessness. I can see Him smiling at us (because our antics are nothing new) and as we soak up His forgiveness and enjoy the warmth of His rays of grace, He turns our castles into splendid palaces of unbelievable beauty and joy. And with gentle, but firm hands, I can see Him lift our renewed hearts back to where they were before.
One thing I have learned during my times in the pit is that closing your eyes to the stuff you don’t want to see, doesn’t make it go away. You can sleep through a storm…but you can’t sleep through your chores. Because when you wake up, not only will your chores still not be done, but your mom will be standing there tapping her toe, revving up for the battle. However, there is a way to close your eyes without shutting your eyelids. (Trust me, I do it all the time in class). If you have a hard time praying (as I do) it’s alright to daydream instead. If we can get lost in our feelings, how much more could we be found in our dreams? I believe the Lord blessed us with extraordinary imaginations because He wants to show us extraordinary things. If you get overwhelmed by the enormity of discouraging thoughts…sometimes you need to let go and give in. You have to sink to the bottom, in order to have a firm place to spring off of, to swim back to the surface. Give your imagination over to God and let Him show you how much He loves you. Imagine yourself sitting with Him in a quiet place and after you’ve finished spilling your soul…listen to what He tells you in the silence.
And when you’re done, take Him out to ice cream…thank Him for listening…and enjoy the cool refreshment of Cold Stone and the heart warming company of the strongest Man in the World and the King of our Castles.

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Email from Andrea….hecka funny

Try this very soon, before someone forces Google to fix its site:

1) Go to www.google.com (it also works with google.de)
2) Type in: weapons of mass destruction (DO NOT hit return button!)
3) Hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button, NOT the “Google search”
4) Read the “error message” carefully.

Someone at Google has a sense of humor. And will probably be fired soon…

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Girls Update:

Hey Girls! So I just had a super fun evening and was totally spoiled. Dinner was made for me, he helped me study, clean up the kitchen, charge the battery in my car (again), and had all that done before the time CSI:NY was SUPPOSED to be on. (What the heck…stupid presidential debates threw it off I know it!). He did all this before midnight. He left at a decent hour because he knew I had a test the next day and was totally overwhelmed by homework. Shoot…this guy actually makes my life better…instead of stressing me out or not taking into consideration my super hectic schedule.
He even asked if we could hang out this weekend…somewhere other than the apartment. I love it! What a novel idea…doing something other than dinner and a movie. So we might carve pumpkins like we did last year and then go look for stuff for our halloween costumes at thrift stores. Then we might go rent some classic scary movies that we’d been talking about seeing for a while. Could be fun.

So what’s my problem? The problem is that three other guys asked to hang out this weekend as well. One asked last weekend if we could hang out, the other I just flat said no and the third was completely tentative and I don’t really know what’s up with that.

That leaves three options…one Saturday. Shoot shoot shoot.

The thing is…I might end up doing what I always do. Run. As I had a few moments of quiet time the other day, I thought about the relationships I’ve ALMOST had in the past. And there is a common trend. My ex pointed this out to me the last time I gave him the talk *again*. He said something to the effect of, “I talked to a friend of yours a few weeks ago and he told me about your problem” “Oh, really? What problem is that? Who did you talk to?” “I talked to xxxxx. He told me you ran away from guys.” “Yea, that’s true I guess.”

It is true, I’m a runner. I’m not sure why exactly, I suppose I always figured it was just a feeling God put in me to keep me from ending up with the wrong guy. I guess it could also just be guilt. There are so many sweet, beautiful, Godly women on this campus. I’m just one of many…me saying no and running is only going to cut down their list of cute Christian girls by one. Not a big loss.
In all honesty, I’m not sure why I run. I just do. I get a nervous feeling when someone gets too close. I think I just don’t want to break anyone’s heart (let alone my own). Girls, pray for me. I need help on this one. I have a feeling he’s bracing himself for me to run. I already ran on him once and he forgave me. The thing is…I don’t know that I want a relationship. I just want to be his best friend. I want to do kind things for him and not worry that he’ll see it as me leading him on. I want to be there for him, as he has been there to rescue me a gazillion times.
Usually most guys give up. I’ve been told that I should just keep doing what I’m doing because if it was meant to be, he’ll be patient. I’m not sure I’m at a point in my life where it would be wise to have a boyfriend. In fact, I’m pretty positive that’s the vibe God is sending me. (Andrea, I know you’ve confirmed this for me several times…you haven’t been wrong yet.)
Well, bottom line…I don’t know. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Pray for me and pray for this weekend. Also, pray for my test tomorrow…I’m nervous.

Lord, I also want to pray for a guy I saw in an ambulance this evening. I pray you’ll just keep a hand in that situation. I also pray for Cassie. She’s a beautiful, intelligent and Godly woman…I pray that you continue to show her that everyday. Also, keep a hand on Aimee. Help her to recover from her cold and restore her health to run in her competition this weekend. And as always, be with my girl Loreanne. Show her your love and bless her and her relationship with Jesse. Continue to build Jesse up to become the strong man you intend him to be. And continue to be with Loreanne and bless whatever she is doing throughout the rest of this week Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy. We love you. Amen.

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No Fun…

Work work work…blah

Due: Time:
Statistics hw – 8am tomorrow

Response paper – Friday 1:30
on entire book of
Make No Law

Articles – Noon Tomorrow
(3)

TEST: – Thursday 10:30
Rhetorical Theory

More statistic – Friday 8am
homework

“When it rains, it pours” -Handsome Matt

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Halloween costumes and statistic distractions

So, although I don’t really believe in the meaning behind Halloween…I’m always up for an excuse to dress up.
As I was doing my statistics homework and desperatly trying to get my brain to focus on the task at hand…my wandering mind stumbled across some interesting thoughts…

Valor should be Wolverine for Halloween
Loreanne…I love that pixi costume you had last year…super cute! Or maybe Strawberry Shortcake (without the hat?)
Kyle should be Cory from Boy Meets World or that funny kid from Napoleon Dynomite.
Jamie should be Queen Latifa (sp?) from Chicago
Andrea and Cassie should be Kate Bechansale’s (sp?) character from Underworld
Nerdalie I still think you should be Poison Ivy
Kenny…you should be that kid from Napoleon Dynomite or a fairy, a pretty pretty fairy.

If I haven’t thought of a good costume idea for you yet…give me time, I’ll think of one eventually.

What I am going to be you ask? Well, I still have those elf ears from last year and I’d really like to get good use out of them. So I’m wearing those again this year. However, I’m torn between being an elf and being a fairy because there’s this cool girl that I met at the Fremont fair who makes some amazing wings for a pretty good price (www.meghannfrickberg.com). Also, Rachel let me borrow this really pretty royal blue hooded cape that has gold embroidary on the hem. So I dunno. Thoughts anyone?

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strange days and brownies for breakfast

So I woke up this morning and got ready for my 8am statistics class…then I took a bite of a brownie that was sitting on my desk and laid back down on my bed and went to sleep. It was marvelous.

When I woke up this morning *again* I took a shower and then sat on my bed and read in the sunshine for a few hours. This was also marvelous.

I think the best part of this day so far is that it didn’t go at all according to the plan I had laid out for it last night. I like not going according to my own plans sometimes.

Call me crazy…if you don’t already…but there is something very freeing about reading in the sunshine in your underwear when you really should be doing something else…in your clothes.

Lord, I love you and I thank you so much for this sunny day and all the freedoms that came with it. Amen.

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P.S.

The same night as the play I was asked out on a date for next weekend. He’s a nice guy and all, but I’m not sure I want to deal with anymore of that stuff right now. I already have Alex breathing down my neck….still. (I had ANOTHER talk with him tonight. Just wait till I get a chance to update you on what he did last Friday.) And then there’s sweet sweet Matt (hardcore boy). He’s getting a bit more persistant. I was sooo hoping we could have just stayed friends…I don’t want anything more than that and I’ve posted a sign on my door saying it in plain english! These boys are starting to turn me into a prude. I want nothing to do with them anymore!

Girls…come visit me. I miss you!

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If you don’t have dreams…

“If you don’t have dreams then how will you ever have a dream come true?”

I went to see a friend’s play last night. She was so cute! The show was called The South Pacific. Her part didn’t speak any english lines, and she was kinda bummed but she played the part she was given very well. She works at the Village Theater in Issequa (sp?). It was a fun night.

These past few weeks I feel like I’ve been bombarded with romanticism. It’s hard to tell what is genuine anymore. My roommates were watching Titanic earlier, so I went up to Queen Anne. No escape….there were several couples flirting with each other and being lost in their own world. I come back to the apartment and try to study in my room. I look online for some photographs for a project in statistics. I go to some of my favorite artist sites. Norman Rockwell, Robert Doisneau, Vetrianno, etc. I had forgotten what an idealist eye I held when it came to art content. “Kiss by the hotel De Ville, Paris, 1950″…”A Romantic Stroll in the Rain”….”A Sailors Kiss”…there really is no escape.

Just when I’d come to accept that some dreams really are JUST dreams. That their soul purpose is to give a young girl hope to carry her through to that place where she is finally strong enough to stand on her own and accept the hard truth without the support of heroes and fairy tales. But the logic of my head is battling the dreams of my heart and I keep being pulled back to the world of clairvoyant gut feelings and happy endings.

*sigh* I can’t think straight, I think I’m getting sick and cranky. Ugh, time for some quiet time, study time and then sleepy time.

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