Hey Girls! So I just had a super fun evening and was totally spoiled. Dinner was made for me, he helped me study, clean up the kitchen, charge the battery in my car (again), and had all that done before the time CSI:NY was SUPPOSED to be on. (What the heck…stupid presidential debates threw it off I know it!). He did all this before midnight. He left at a decent hour because he knew I had a test the next day and was totally overwhelmed by homework. Shoot…this guy actually makes my life better…instead of stressing me out or not taking into consideration my super hectic schedule.
He even asked if we could hang out this weekend…somewhere other than the apartment. I love it! What a novel idea…doing something other than dinner and a movie. So we might carve pumpkins like we did last year and then go look for stuff for our halloween costumes at thrift stores. Then we might go rent some classic scary movies that we’d been talking about seeing for a while. Could be fun.
So what’s my problem? The problem is that three other guys asked to hang out this weekend as well. One asked last weekend if we could hang out, the other I just flat said no and the third was completely tentative and I don’t really know what’s up with that.
That leaves three options…one Saturday. Shoot shoot shoot.
The thing is…I might end up doing what I always do. Run. As I had a few moments of quiet time the other day, I thought about the relationships I’ve ALMOST had in the past. And there is a common trend. My ex pointed this out to me the last time I gave him the talk *again*. He said something to the effect of, “I talked to a friend of yours a few weeks ago and he told me about your problem” “Oh, really? What problem is that? Who did you talk to?” “I talked to xxxxx. He told me you ran away from guys.” “Yea, that’s true I guess.”
It is true, I’m a runner. I’m not sure why exactly, I suppose I always figured it was just a feeling God put in me to keep me from ending up with the wrong guy. I guess it could also just be guilt. There are so many sweet, beautiful, Godly women on this campus. I’m just one of many…me saying no and running is only going to cut down their list of cute Christian girls by one. Not a big loss.
In all honesty, I’m not sure why I run. I just do. I get a nervous feeling when someone gets too close. I think I just don’t want to break anyone’s heart (let alone my own). Girls, pray for me. I need help on this one. I have a feeling he’s bracing himself for me to run. I already ran on him once and he forgave me. The thing is…I don’t know that I want a relationship. I just want to be his best friend. I want to do kind things for him and not worry that he’ll see it as me leading him on. I want to be there for him, as he has been there to rescue me a gazillion times.
Usually most guys give up. I’ve been told that I should just keep doing what I’m doing because if it was meant to be, he’ll be patient. I’m not sure I’m at a point in my life where it would be wise to have a boyfriend. In fact, I’m pretty positive that’s the vibe God is sending me. (Andrea, I know you’ve confirmed this for me several times…you haven’t been wrong yet.)
Well, bottom line…I don’t know. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Pray for me and pray for this weekend. Also, pray for my test tomorrow…I’m nervous.
Lord, I also want to pray for a guy I saw in an ambulance this evening. I pray you’ll just keep a hand in that situation. I also pray for Cassie. She’s a beautiful, intelligent and Godly woman…I pray that you continue to show her that everyday. Also, keep a hand on Aimee. Help her to recover from her cold and restore her health to run in her competition this weekend. And as always, be with my girl Loreanne. Show her your love and bless her and her relationship with Jesse. Continue to build Jesse up to become the strong man you intend him to be. And continue to be with Loreanne and bless whatever she is doing throughout the rest of this week Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy. We love you. Amen.
