Esprit de l'escalier

Friday night: Movie at Dave’s place. Went with Bridget…we watched a classic – Jaws. fun fun, plus there was pizza and cinnamon sticks, yum!

Saturday: still battling sickness. Roommate’s boyfriend is in town. Worked most of the day and then got ready for Ashton Ball. My date was gone all day until about 20 minutes before our dinner reservations. yikes! He got ready really fast…I was almost impressed. haha. Had fun at the Ball.
Later we got a movie (Hunt for the Red October). Craziness, but I sense that the theme this weekend was “classics”. Didn’t get to bed until 5am.

Sunday: Didn’t make it to church. Woke up to the sound of roommate’s boyfriend knocking on the door. Jumped out of bed…threw on pants and a sweatshirt over my pjs (very uncomfortable) and went looking for my roommate. I told the boyfriend to wait in the lounge. Once everybody was decent we went to Noah’s Bagels…said goodbye to the boyfriend and came back to do more homework and finish other stuff.
Later that night I went over to my friend Mel’s apartment and got caught up on CSI and Without a Trace. (two of my favorite shows). We made dinner and I made cookies for desert. yum! We’re going to make it a weekly thing, I’m pretty excited.

This next week is craziness. I’ve got a load of work to do on my current assignments for the Falcon and I’ve been overwhelmed trying to help out our new writers. But it’s exciting because they have so much enthusiasm.
I’m sort of sad because I haven’t talked to my family or my friends from home in a long time. I think it’s partially my fault for not having the time to call them. (Jared, if you’re reading this. I hope all is well.)
I feel bad because I’ve been really really sick and so worn out that I haven’t made great company for anyone. I’ve sort of have that feeling of being disconnected. Yesterday I went and sat out in the sun on the grass for a while because I just needed to get away. I put on my headphones and cut off the rest of the world and got lost in the blueness of the sky. It was great until the conviction of unfinished work set in. Then I couldn’t enjoy the beautiful surroundings or the sunshine anymore. Bummer for me, haha.
I also found out the other day that an acquaintance from hs died. That was quite a shock. He fell off a trail at Yosemite park. He was just a couple months away from graduating. It really puts things into perspective and I still don’t know what to think…but I praise God that I can still think at all.

Here’s another great email I got from one of my jr.high Bible Study girls.

I got this off a site and I was laughing so hard! Read and don’t drink milk
while you do because it will come out your nose! (serious):
“Actual Label Instructions Mark as unread. In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan – NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists – REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo – USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink – AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray – THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer – TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles – OPEN OTHER END.

8. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins – WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? (I don’t want milk down my pants though.)

9. On a Sears hairdryer – DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

10. On a bag of Fritos – YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

11. On a bar of Dial soap – DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

12. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) – DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

13. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)

14. On a Korean kitchen knife – WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

15. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights – FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

16. On a Japanese food processor – NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I’m curious.)

17. On Sainsbury’s peanuts – WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

18. On an American Airlines packet of nuts – INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I’m glad they cleared that up.)

19. On a Swedish chainsaw – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

20. On a child’s superman costume – WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

21. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

22. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

23. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

24. On Boot’s “Children’s” cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

25. On Nightly sleep aid:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)”

Today I am sad and I’m not afraid to admit it. *sniffle*

Yes, once again this boy continues to out-do himself. Why me?!! And I was such a brat too! I am sick…therefore I am cranky. Am I not justified? I think I am.
Today after a long day of work…I clock out and walk out the back door..dreading the walk up hill that lay before me…and there he is! He’s parked his truck outside the door and he pops open his door for me and takes my book bag. I was thinking to myself “what are you doing Crazy Head?!” He said something to the effect of “It’s cold, it’s raining, it’s a long walk, you are sick and I’m going to take care of you.”
He takes me out to dinner…even though he already ate and then he takes me back to his place and we just sat and talked for the past couple hours. Oh, and I forgot to mention, yesterday he was trying to convince me that I should let him take care of me because I am sit…I completely neglected him and started reading Psychology to him for like an hour. hehe…I’m such a BRAT! I thought it was interesting and he later admitted to me that I was right. But when he picked me up today after work he proudly said “You know, I figured out why I was frustrated with you yesterday. It’s because you are just as stubborn as I am.” I was thinking, “Oh really?!” haha. But seriously, why does he have to keep being so sweet?! Arrrrgghhh! This is just not fair. I know I owe him. He even gave me Swedish Fish. Honestly…why? And he also was saying to me when we were talking today “please let’s not have the talk today” (referring to the ‘I don’t want a relationship and I’m not interested shpeel). So he knows where I stand and he keeps trying. Why is this frustrating me?! I don’t know! *pulling hair and sniffling because I’m still sick* Lord help me.

A year has passed and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything, and yet nothing being the same.
In a month we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say good-bye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say good-bye to before we ever left.
We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before that.
We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday.
As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become.
You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don’t seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand.
The memories and the stories from school won’t mean anything to anyone at home and yet you resent them for that, that they can’t share that happiness with you.
Who will you call first? What will you do your first weekend home with your friends? How long before you actually start missing people barging in without calling or knocking? Who will get pizza at three in the morning with you now? How long until you adjust to sleeping alone in a room again?
Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of university is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind.
In the matter of one day’s traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8am classes, and the perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we lived in it for eighteen years.
But it is different now. We now know the meaning of true friendship.
We know who we have kept in touch with over the past year and who we hold dearest in our hearts.
We’ve left our high school world to deal with the real world.
We’ve had our hearts broken, we’ve fallen in love, we’ve helped our best friends overcome depression, stress and death, and we’ve stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need. There have been times when we’ve felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference.
A month from now we will leave.
A month from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes.
No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end.
We will leave our friends whose random email and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer.
We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world. A month from now we will arrive. We will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families.
We will drive over to our best friend’s house and do nothing for hours on end.
We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year.
We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year.
In a month we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two completely different worlds…. Are you ready?
“Remember, you must love yourself before you can let others love you.”

I scored a 84% on the “How Bay Area are you?” Quizie! What about you?

Once again, I am blessed beyond words. Why is God so good to me? What did I do? There are so many other wonderful women out there.
Last night Josh sent me a bundle of daisies and a hand written card that said “Just because…I am grateful for the friend and the testimony that you have been.” – Josh.
He’s a great guy and he’s handsome and ‘really really’ …errr…healthy…if you know what I mean. haha. Yes, I’ll be blunt, he’s built. hehe. Anyhow, he intercepted me after work today and took me to dinner. We talked, like usual. I think he’s convinced that if he’s patient enough, I’ll give in. This is what all the guys are saying to me. They all think that if they’re patient…all the other prospects will fall away and they’ll be the last one standing. It’s as though this is all just a game…a challenge that they can win or overcome to prove themselves. They all want to ‘know’ me and win me over. Well, I’m sorry guys…you are all really sweet, wonderful, Godly men…but so far all I’m seeing is vanilla.
When I got back last night I checked my messages, one was from Prentice…he’s a sweetheart. He just called to wish me a happy Easter. Well, I think he might also have been calling to get his sweatshirt back. I’m not sure…he didn’t mention it in the message, I’m just guessing.
I also got an email from Drew. He sent me this amazing poem that the Holy Spirit spoke through him during his quiet time the other night. And he gave me an update and said that he had been thinking of me. That’s sweet.
I thought about it some more and I’ve been wondering…am I just not letting myself be swept off of my feet? Am I simply too stubborn? Are my expectations unreasonable? I’d hate to think that I’d be settling for anything, but I often catch myself questioning motives.
I mean, I know that I’ve given this whole situation over to God…but I often wonder if it’s just that I haven’t been paying attention. Perhaps I missed something that He was trying to show me.
Back in the day, women didn’t have the choice that we have now. They didn’t have their pick of any man. They were subjected to arranged marriages, or their pick of whoever was in the area. We can travel and meet people from around the world! (Well, almost…you know what I mean.) I almost wish sometimes that the choice was made for us. I would trust my parents a hundred percent. But I know if it were the other way around, I’d probably be complaining about that too.
Honestly, I don’t know that I am good enough for any of these guys. Sure I have my moments of cuteness and I brush my teeth several times a day and read the Bible. But seriously! I kind of wonder if they’re after me simply because I didn’t swoon and throw myself at their every whim. I’m a challenge. Arrggghhh, I’m sick and I’m confused and I think my period is going to hit me soon. Blah. Perhaps I’ll have forgotten all about this after I finish my work and go to bed.

Praise the Lord, for He has risen!

Easter was good. I went home with my roommate. It was fun, I’d never been to Oregon before. So she showed me around her stomping ground and we played around. Went shopping, got pedicures, etc. And we ate a lot of food! Good grief, everywhere we turned someone was trying to feed us!
When we went shopping I talked my roommate into getting her first biniki. hehe. She wanted an orange bathingsuit and this bikini was orange so I told her to try it on and see how she liked it. She loved it! (So did her boyfriend…I told him he owes me, haha)
I got a new bikini too. It’s really cute. It has a vintage travel theme to it. It’s got stamps all over it and really cute beads. Hooray for getting swimsuits that I’ll probably never wear in public! haha.
In addition to a bikini, I also got a sore throat and a nasty cold. blah! I hate being sick. So this post is going to be cut short for the sake of my health and well being.
By the way…all that work that I needed to get done…yea…it’s still not done. haha. *sniffle…cough cough* I need some drugs.

Boys are confusing…what’s with the switch up? I thought it was the girl’s job to be complicated and confusing. Perhaps I’m not living up to the standard or I’m doing something wrong. *sigh* Someday I’ll figure it out. But in the meantime…who wants to have everything figured out anyway?! Life would be so boring if everything made sense…right? *answering own question* Yea! That’s what I thought.

Take the test, by Emily.