Esprit de l'escalier

I’ve decided just now that I think I’m going to be a fifth year senior. I’ve come to this conclusion based on the fact that there are so many classes I really want to take. There’s just no way I’ll be able to squeeze all of them into my remaining year and two quarters. I’ve already registered for classes for next quarter. But it was really hard to decide. I wish I had more money…then I could take all the classes I want.
I’m sad that I won’t be taking any theology or philosophy courses next quarter. I love those classes. I don’t care how boring people say they are. I think they are wonderful…I learn soooo much! It really helps you to evaluate and solidify your system of beliefs. Not to mention that the classes provoke thought and insight.
I’m also sad that I’m not taking any English, literature or interpersonal communication courses next quarter. Those are always super fun. Plus I just really like reading…and it always helps when your homework is to read books that you’ve always wanted to.
So what am I taking you ask?
All journalism courses, and one astronomy course. Plus I’ll probably be writing for the Falcon again. I’m not sure if I’ll be writing a column in features or if I’ll be sticking to news. hmmm, decisions decisions. I’m not sure I’m ready to write my column…I don’t think my skin is thick enough yet.
Also, I’ve decided to take a break from engaging in any sort of social activity for a while. I need some time to myself I think. And I mean ‘real’ time to myself…none of this ‘close-the-door-but-not-all-the-way-because-I-want-the-distractions’ business. Plus, to be perfectly honest, I’m kinda getting sick of boys. I mean, don’t get me wrong, boys are wonderful. But honestly, the tension and potential drama is just too much right now. It wears me out. It gets harder and harder to preserve everybody’s ‘feelings’. I hate hurting feelings and in cases like these, there’s just no avoiding it. Plus, there’s the gossip and over-reacting…blah…the repeated explanations really take it out of me and I can’t focus on what I’m here for – namely, my education, faith and future.

Boys boys, everywhere I go they follow me!

I’ve been hanging out with a vegan hardcore boy. He’s the lead singer of his band called the Answer. He has red hair and glasses. He writes opinions for the Falcon. You can get a feel of his voice if you read them. His name is Matt Weltner. Look him up at thefalcononline.com. Or go to the SPU webpage, go to search, click the Falcon Online option and it should take you to the site.

Today after my english class I was intercepted by a boy named Sean. He’s half Korean and half Oregoneon. He asked me if I’d like to go get a cup of coffee with him, and even though Matt had asked me earlier to give him a call after class…I went with Sean. This is really only the second time I’d actually talked with him. The first time was when he came into the bookstore and we talked briefly. So we talked for about 2 hours over chai tea at Tully’s. He’s pretty cool. And he asked for my number, so I have a feeling he’s going to call me to hang out later this week. More details to come.

Yesterday Dan Bailey took me to the Seattle Art Museum. We were supposed to go to this special Tea House exhibit where you actually sit and have tea in a real tea house and they give a presentation about it or something. But it turns out you have to reserve tickets in advance. So we just ended up strolling through the museum and looking at other exhibits.

Kyle has a class with me every tuesday and thursday…so I still see a lot of him. He has taken to confessing how much he still likes me. As much as I appreciate his honesty, it makes things a bit awkward. But we are still good friends and I value his friendship a lot.

I have only briefly heard from Brad…here and there.

Josh has stopped contacting me completely.

I haven’t heard from Jared in a few weeks.

Garth was supposed to call me a few days ago…I haven’t heard from him yet.

Luke invited me to go to a Mariners game and to come home with him the sunday after Thanksgiving to decorate the tree with his family. wow! But I’m going to be with my family that evening.

Dave, from the bookstore continues to ask me over to watch a movie and stuff. I am refusing to go over there alone. I would only feel comfortable if there were other people there with me.

That’s all for now. I’ll keep you posted if you keep me posted. 🙂

Today was a frazzled day. (I’ve just recently decided this). However, it was a happy day. I got a package in the mail from my best friend! I love you Loreanne! You are the bestest best friend a girl could ever have!
I got a hat! I’ve been in desperate need of a hat! My cat ate my last hat (I have weird animals that like to eat things). So now I am sitting inside, wearing my new hat. It’s a cute olive green beanie with a big brown button on the side. I like it a lot.
But the greatness of this surprise package does not stop there. Inside this wonderful new beanie were all sorts of goodies (as well as a cute pair of unmentionables, hehe). I am thoroughly excited right now.

So despite the long work day, the crumminess of my classes, the rain, my scruffy state, the ungodly amount of homework awaiting me and a desparate need to do laundry…today was wonderful because of an exciting package and wonderfully written letter that made me smile. 🙂

Am I crazy?

(Don’t answer that).

The end.

I just wasted a dollar at the library – attempting to make copies of an article for a class. I’d just picked up the “Proceedings of the American Catholic Philosophical Association” (volume 75) at the circulation desk and I thought I’d maintain my Christian integrity and pay to make copies of the article in the library instead of cheating and abusing my seniority by using the copy machine in the Bookstore. I didn’t have to make a copy of it, but I am the kind of person that likes to write on whatever I’m reading and I didn’t want to pay more for writing in a library book. My righteous intentions were foiled by a retarded copy machine and a stiff book spine. It was absolutely impossible to get a worthwhile copy. You’d think after working in an office for half my life I would dominate such blue collar appliances like these. I’m ashamed.
I have an ungodly amount of reading to do. And it all has to be done by Wed. Over 205 pages of that reading is for one class! Praise the LORD that tomorrow is a holiday. Bummer of it is that I’ll have to miss the hike I was planning on going on with the Environmental Stewardship Club. Next week I have even more reading! I have to have like four 400 page books read and completely analyzed by Thursday. Not to mention the papers I have to have written on them. Good grief!
I need to go on a walk. It’s a beautiful night and it’s perfect temperature outside for a lovely brisk walk. Sometimes I wish I could go on long walks on nights like these, holding the arm of an angel – big and strong. I could relax and never worry about looking over my shoulder. Other times I would be perfectly content with a huge dog, the size of a black bear and just as fierce (well, to everyone but me – of course).
Anyway, back to the grind; reading isn’t the only work I have to take care of…but I won’t go into that now.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my GOD;
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

***The moon is beautiful tonight. I hope you all had a chance to appreciate it!

A lot of time has gone
by and still homework is left
untouched.
I just spent a couple hours talking
with my roommate. She is worried about
me.
I feel better now
having opened to
her.
I think this is
supposed to be
healthy.
So much has been locked
inside me,
hiding.
But this is how
it has always
been.
I carried a lot away from our
lengthy talk. Really, now I am
fine.
But along with her comfort
I now carry some new
friends.
Regret and loneliness are
hungry, vise chomping, and
toothless.
And I am, to
them, a tasty
treat.

floccinaucinihilipilification (FLAHK-si-NAW-si-NY-hil-i-PIL-i-fi-KAY-shin) – the categorization of something as trivial or worthless.

In case you were wondering about the new title of my journal (esprit de l’escalier) – it’s the perfect riposte that comes to mind later, and far too late to do you any good. The term comes from French and means literally the “spirit of the staircase” – in other words, inspiration gained upon ascending the stairs to retire to bed, long after the opportunity for a retort has passed. The English equivalent is “stairwit.”

The end.

I learned a new word at work today. Meterosexual…you wanna take a wild guess what that means? Apparently it’s a guy who is completely straight (heterosexual), but has feminine attributes (i.e. dresses nice, smells decent, polite, etc.). Now, honestly, do we really need a word for this? Are we just creating another label for our poor male counter-parts? Can you imagine filling out an application to get a job or something and coming to those boxes:
[] male
[] female
[] homosexual
[] bisexual
[] meterosexual?!?!

This has potential to get confusing. Let me just ask this…how come we don’t have an ‘official’ term for girls who are straight that display masculine attributes? (and I mean an ‘appropriate’ word…let’s keep it clean, eh). I know most people would just call a girl like that ‘butch’, ‘tomboy’ or ‘that questionable girl who smells funny and wears her brother’s clothes’.
Is it really necessary to call these people into question anyway? I feel kind of bad even wondering about stuff like that sometimes. You know, like when you see a person in the grocery store who’s borderline ‘PAT’. It’s kinda judgmental…well, ok, it’s completely uncalled for…but still! Sometimes you just get curious.
Ok, now I really need to focus on the ungodly amount of homework that forever plagues me.
P.S. – vegan garlic bread is good.

Today is my roommate’s birthday. She’s 20. Last night I planned to have a bunch of her friends surprise her. They came around 11:30. I had hoped to keep my roommate awake for the event. But she decided to go to sleep. So when they came by, I had to go in and wake her up. haha. She was surprised, no doubt about that. They brought her a cake…it’s the good kind too. Rainbow cake with rainbow sprinkles. Yum.
To back track a bit…this weekend was fun, and a bit stressful. I had midterms yesterday. yuck. So I spent a lot of the weekend studying. On Halloween, I wanted to go with my friend to his concert, but I couldn’t because I had soooo much to do and there’s no way I could have justified having any fun. I know, it’s so stupid. So, instead I did laundry and watched an episode of CSI with my roommate while she practiced her nursing procedures on me. It was mostly questions and checking my pulse. Then I studied. fun fun fun.
Saturday was the play day. After work I scheduled my flight to the fiery inferno of So. Cal for thanksgiving and then got a gazillion calls from friends to go play. So I did! I hooked up with my buddy Matt and we finally carved our pumpkins! Then we got dressed up and went to meet Jade at Katie’s party…which turned out to be a bunch of drunkards. So we left and went to watch Lord of the Ring…which, I thought, was very appropriate considering my costume (I was an elf). My pointy ears, by the way, were a huge success.
Then…on Sunday I had a study group for the midterm. That was fun. So, yes…now I must go and continue this lovely pattern of study that I have set for myself this weekend. Study study study.