I just got flowers delivered to me. I am so spoiled by my friends. Today started rocky, but is now looking up. I got an e-mail from Kenny with a link to a totally awesome movie and some music by Philip Glass, one of my favorites. (Thanks Kenny!)
And now flowers. This is the third delivery Israel has sent me. He’s such a sweet guy. I hope his ministry in Mexico is going well.
So all I need now, to make this day complete is a spark of inspiration to write the 13 page memoir that’s due tomorrow.
Yesterday I found out in class that the huge memoir was due that evening. I had completely forgotten! Praise the Lord I wasn’t the only one. Another girl in my class also spaced on the assignment, so our prof gave us an extension until tomorrow. I’m still at a loss on what to write about. I’m not so good at sharing the raw gritty details of my life. I suppose I figure people have more exciting things to write about. My life is hardly epic.
Another encouraging event that happened today was having lunch with Valor. It was nice to catch up with him again. We had a riveting discussion about Rachel Corrie. I think I was just feeling argumentative. I honestly don’t know enough about the case to say if the law suit was fair one way or another. (It’s all in good fun Valor! I’ll see you Sunday.)

So, it’s back to work for me. If anyone happens to read this that is from my childhood and has good memories that they can share…please call me. Thanks.

I met with the town administrator today. He’s such a sweet old man. He’s been all around the world, state treasurer, and filled several other administrative and finance positions. Basically worked in government all his life. Anyway, I asked him today what the most common occupation is for the people living in Hunts Point and he said real estate. This led me to thinking, could it be that something people are willing to pay the most for is a home? What does this say about our society? In my capstone class yesterday we talked about public journalism…which is basically a type of journalism and reporting that engages the community more than just reporting on it. They work to instill change and inspire the people into motion. My friend Noelle and I got in an intense discussion with our professor about this kind of journalism. We were discussing the ethics of the 1987 Ledger-Enquirer  case in town of Columbus. What they did, in short, was organize a public meeting where residents could discuss the future of their city which at that time “lacked organization, leadership, lively debate. It had a governement but weak public sphere, a politics not enough people were willing to join.” They did this to inspire action among the city. But wait, is it right for journalists to be this involved with the community they report on? Isn’t this cutting too close to the line of potential bias and distance?
Anyway, this discussion flowed into a broader topic of the condition of American society. Noelle and I concluded that in general there are two kinds of people in this country…fat-arse lazy people and over-worked detatched people. Of course these are broad arch-types, but what we were discouraged about is how self-absorbed American society is. It’s rare to come upon a community that still has block parties, an engaged community that is willing to reach out and contribute to the place they live.
In an interview I had with one of the residents of Hutns Point, he pointed out how America really is the home of the “self-made man” and that the thing he loved most about the community in which he lived was that the people were indeed self-made, but not self-centered. They were open to enjoying and contributing to the people around them.

Anyways, I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I believe I’ve come to discover something at the core of my passion for journalism and story telling. I want for people to see and understand each other. I want for them to reach beyond themselves and learn about the world around them and not just about the parts that are useful to them. I want society to get off their FAT BUTTS and become generative. Take care of God’s world and His people – or at least learn and become a part of the system.

I dunno, I think maybe I need to hone my theories down a bit more and clarify them to a simple mission statement of ten words or less. *sigh* I’ll work on it. But it’s gonna be hard to simplify such strong passions. I wonder if I’ll ever feel this strongly about a single person? Well, I’ll avoid that for right now…that has more to do with my other class.

Crap. I should know better by now. I really should. I take full responsibility for my frustration. Everytime I talk to him I am left completely in knots. I can’t believe I ever thought he actually cared about me. He really doesn’t. He just uses me as a subject to project his own thoughts on. He doesn’t care about my life except where he can take it over. Then he rubs it in my face. If it doesn’t involve him, he doesn’t even see it. I’m convinced now that he simply wants to make my life a living hell because it makes him feel better about himself. Lord only knows why.
What’s worse is that I feel terrible for being upset and irritated by this. I know I’ll only dig myself into a deeper whole by thinking this way, but I can’t help but come back to the fact that it was my poor decision making that got me here in the first place. If I had listened to what God was telling me, then perhaps we’d all be better off. But, lesson learned. It’s in the past and now I just have to deal with the present. I only pray that I can do it with the least amount of casualties as possible. I know of three or four who are already suffering emotional injuries because of me. (If you know who you are, again…I’m so sorry.) *deep breath* I need to go to bed and pray myself to sleep.

Here’s my prayer: Lord please calm my frustrated heart. I’m not feeling very loving right now Lord, I just feel hurt. I know You can take these feelings away and replace them with Your compassion and understanding. I pray that You’d do that Lord and fill me with wisdom to know what I need to do. I also pray for him, that you would open his eyes and his heart to see and understand his words and actions. Help him to be aware of other people and their feelings. I thank you for the sunshine and for all the blessings You’ve showered upon us this week, Lord. I pray Your presence will be with all those I love. Amen.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Eph. 4:6

A final note. What’s worse about this situation is that I can’t deal with it like I have in the past. I can’t just turn tail and run. I can’t go on a boy fast. Because there are boys who are actually helping me and encouraging me in the midst of this. (Lord bless their hearts). If there’s one thing I know it’s that I don’t want to loose friends because of one guy.
I just get so worked up every time I think about how selfish this person is! I can’t believe I was so blind before and I feel eaten up inside every time I think about how it has caused me to people I care about. How can he not see this!!! *grrr*

OK, for reals now…I need to go to bed.

My bestest friend, here are a few things that we’ve been talking about in my class. I’ll be posting more as I have time, but I hope these few bits of advice help. I love you so much and I know that Jesse does too! I’ll be calling you soon to update you about my new internship (which is turning out to be more like a full time job!), it’s absolutely insane! (in a good way.)

Relational Readiness: If you and your partner are ready for marriage, your relationship will be characterized by longevity, stability and similarity. (and all of these of course have to do with MATURITY.)

*longevity: how long you and your partner have been dating. In short, the longer the better.
*stability: a quality of having consistency, reliability, dependability and steadfastness.
*similarity: this doesn’t have to do with doing everything exactly the same way, but it’s more about uniformity. It has to do with holding common values, beliefs, and attitudes. “Similarities are the glue that holds couples together.”
    –similarities to think about – role expectations for husband and wife. -values: concerning spiritual matters, money, family, politics. desire for children, energy level, dependability, sense of humor, cleanliness, goals, interests, habits, skills, etc.
   -this is because every difference requires time, energy and work to find middle ground, if there is one.

Here are some other questions to help you assess your readiness for marriage. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself while answering these questions.

1. Do you know who you are and like who you are?
2. Would you say you generally have a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence?
3. Do you feel comfortable talking about your differences in times of conflict (rather than ignoring them)?
4. Are you twenty years of age or older?
5. Are you twenty-four years of age or older?
6. Would people you respect say you are personally mature?
7. Would you say you have a good relationship with your parents?
8. Do you feel comfortable thinking for yourself and making your own decisions?
9. Are you able to make decisions without feeling compelled to please your parents?
10. Are you genuinely prepared to make your marriage relationship a higher priority than your relationship with your parents?
11. Have you resolved painful or troubling issues with your parents that may impact your marriage?
12. Have you identified specific quirks or qualities you may be bringing into your marriage as a result of growing up in your family of origin?
13. Have you dated your partner for a year or more?
14. Have you dated your partner for two years or more?
15. Are you willing to take your time in determining whether your relationship is ready for marriage?
16. Would you characterize your relationship as stable and steadfast?
17. Do you both practice effective compromise and negotiation in your relationship?
18. Can you both resolve conflict between you without losing control?
19. Are you 100 percent committed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to making this relationship work?
20. Do you agree with all of your partner’s important goals and values?
21. Do you and your partner share many similarities (e.g., sense of humor, habits, goals)?
22. Are your differences tiny compared to your similarities?
23. Do you and your partner have similar family backgrounds?
24. Do you rarely feel criticized or corrected by your partner?
25. Do you like this person as he is at this moment, without expecting him to change?

Read on for Scoring […]

Good Lord! I think I signed up for something a lot bigger than I realized with this job. It turns out I am writing the entire history of Hunts Point and the histories of all the settlers who are still alive. And, as I was informed today, I’m also supposed to participate the motion picture documentary! This wouldn’t be so stressful if I didn’t have to get all the preliminary work done in 3 weeks! There are 34 key people I have to interview which means, 2 interviews a day! Starting tomorrow. There’s just no way I can do that and go to all my classes and hold down two other jobs. It’s impossible.
I talked with the cinematographer doing the documentary, Fanni Li, (who happens to be a resident of Hunts Point and a well known, award winning independent film maker from China) today and we attempted to lay out a game plan. She also informed me that when we’re done filming this and she plans on translating it into several languages to distribute around the world)and she’s going to do the same with the book that I’m supposed to write!). Whoa! They better be planning a raise in my future if that’s the case.

I interviewed Peter Henning Jr., 84-year-old former nuclear physicist, farmer and son of Peter Henning Sr., the pioneer of the west from Sweden who built the western railroads and helped build the community of East Stanwood. Peter Jr.’s father also happens to be best friends with John Nordstrom (who came to America from Sweden around the same time in 1883). This guy that I talked to today is so amazing and the most loving old man I’ve ever met! He’s so cute! When we arrived at his house, he invited us in and led us into the kitchen where he had set out a plate of cookies and sat patiently with us as Fanni set up her gear. Turns out he’s lived just about every where in the world. He’s 84 and still has the spunk of a 40-yr-old, and he’s got the social life of a 20-yr-old. He has the most amazing stories and I can’t wait to meet with him again to hear more.

So, that’s all that I have the energy to update on right now…maybe more later. *deep breath*

I got the job. First interview is tomorrow! More details to come. Thank you for your prayers guys! God is good – All the time.

OHMYGOSH!!! THEY CALLED ME BACK THEY CALLED ME BACK!!!! The mayor of Hunt’s Point called me back!!! I have a phone interview this afternoon! Please pray for me!

Yeah, for those of you who know what’s going on – please pray for me. It’s getting harder. Especially after the meeting tonight. Good Lord I’m such a push over!!! *sigh*
But I know it’s good for me. It must be good for me. Because, as we all know, the medicine that is the best for you is usually the worst tasting, right?
I’ve also got a lot of stuff due tomorrow and today felt really unproductive. I probably could have been done with all this before the meeting. I deserve a kick in the pants.
I just want to sit on the couch with a big pillow, a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and watch last night’s CSI and tonight’s CSI and Without a Trace. That’s all I want to do. Lord, please give me motivation to finish what I need to get done and to do it to the best of my ability. Amen.

One of my greatest heroes finally wrote me back. How encouraging! I learn so much every time I talk to the people I admire. I e-mailed him a while ago asking how he made it through the tough times, like while he was reporting on the tsumani. During his last trip, his photographer, Betty, fell and puntured her leg. To make a long story short, it became infected and she had to be shipped out. So my question for Hal was how did he make it through that time without his journalistic defenses of distance and support (from Betty). Below is a copy of his e-mail. The second to last paragraph is what spoke to me the most. He is essentially putting into words, the dreams I could never capture in writing.

[…]

OPEN POSITION

                                      SUMMER INTERN

The Town of Hunts Point is recruiting for a summer intern to develop a “living history” of the Town through interviews and research. THe results of this effort are to be published. This project is an outgrowth of the planning for a celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the incorporation of the town.

The individual selected for this position will work with a cinematographer to collect information, in written and electronic form, that will be released as a part of the celebration.

The individual selected for the summer intern position will have a background in journalism, English or history. They should have well developed interview skills. The successful person will have two or more of the following abilities:

                Using the telephone to schedule interviews.

                Worked with a cinematographer to produce a visual/sound record.

                Researched records, archives historical documents and newspapers and produced reports from the data 

                collected.

                Write creatively and clearly using facts to present an interesting story.

Should also have knowledge of the basics of publication.

Compensation range: $9.00 to 14.00/hr. DOE

I wish so bad that I could take this job. *sigh* I totally would if it weren’t for the whole “where would you live” and “what about seeing your friends” part of the deal. I hate money. Well, actually I just hate that it keeps me from taking fun and interesting internships like this one. I would love to just walk around with a camera guy and listen to people tell their stories. Then I’d be able to come back and write about it! So awesome and right up my alley.

Does anyone know anyone who lives in this area that wouldn’t mind having someone take over their couch for a summer? If you do, let me know. 🙂