Esprit de l'escalier

[…]

Sarah,

Thanx for the paper. BTW, I started a live journal account and added you as a friend. Ok, so Im kinda TO’d right now. Im getting really impatient waiting for this thing, so I think I will go ahead and spoil the surprise. I made mental note of this since you mentioned them on several different occasions. I thought that it would make a good graduation/brithday present. I found a place in England that sold some Wuzzle dolls and I had to get them. It’s a piece of your childhood, and I really just wanted to see the look on your face more than anything. Lets see, I got Bumblelion and Butterbear…I recall those were your favorites. I would have gotten more but international shipping is expensive and the wait is excrutiating. So there it is, I just ruined my surprise…I hope you’ll still like it though. Just be patient…wait a second, I need to be patient! Ok Ok, Ill be patient. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later

Abe

***I could swear I only mentioned the Wuzzles like one time to him. When he was asking me about the memoir assignment I had for that class. This is around the same time I posted that link to all the 80’s cartoons. Lord, give me wisdom and integrity in handling this situation. (Gosh, I can’t even imagine how expensive international shipping is. What am I going to do with more toys! I love toys, but wow…)

Something understood.

I’m too worn out to think, but I can’t stop. Not now. I might miss something. And I still have so much to do.
The Lord has continued to bless me, even when I wasn’t looking. Everytime I slow down a moment to think about how much I love the people around me, something inside me feels squeezed. Pressed and anxious. I don’t want to say goodbye to them, I don’t want to loose them. But I also know that this community won’t be the same once everyone moves on, and it’s selfish of me to think that I can keep them with me – holding them back from where God wants them to go.
At the CHA bbq yesterday I sat and watched the people around me. Part of me was sad that I’d never taken the time to get to know some of them. But realistically I also knew that it would have been impossible to spread myself that thin, and when I saw my friends smile (as cheesy as it sounds) I was glad I invested heavily in the friendships that I did. The few moments I spent outside on the grass, under the sun at the gathering went too fast. I didn’t want to leave, but something kept me from sprawling out, belly up and staying for another hour. I suppose you could call it the conviction of responsibility. I still wish I had had more time to run around and say hi to everyone and give out hugs where I saw they were needed.
As I left, the horror really set in. I’m going to be so alone this summer without these people. I know I have more friends than those that were at the bbq, I mean, I doubt I saw everyone who was even there. But if the thought of never seeing even those few again hurts this bad, I should probably avoid thinking past next week.
How do you show someone how much they’ve meant to you? I think until now I’ve mostly tried not to acknowledge how important some of these people are simply because I knew I’d have to say goodbye. I’m terrible with goodbyes. One thing’s for sure…don’t let me give you a farewell hug. I might not let go.

My buddy Kristen is visiting for the weekend. I feel kinda bad that we haven’t been able to do more since I’ve had to work on this stupid last article. *sigh* It’s taking forever because nobody will talk! I called one of my sources today to confirm info; turns out that he got a call from [insert big-wig name here] and was given a hush order or he’ll loose his job. Dang yo! What the heck! This is the second time this has happened for this article alone. Why are people so afraid of me? It’s not like I’m going to bring down the entire system with one article about recycling.
I’ve got so much more to do…they can’t shush all my sources yet.

In other news, Kristen’s still having fun because she met up with a friend today who was able to show her around some more while I went and took pictures of dumpsters…oh boy. I didn’t get to all of them and they’re not exactly print worthy photos…I just needed them for the sake of sizing and matching them up with the paperwork I got from the trash company. Lucky for me I was only questioned once while taking the pictures. Frank, the maintenence guy who services the AC units on campus was like, “Can I ask why you find our garbage attractive enough to photograph?” Yeah, he was a fun guy to talk to and I was able to get a couple more names out of him of people I can learn more from. Hopefully they will not have been given a silencing order yet.

Sarah’s bridal shower was today too. So much fun! I got her something lacy and something fun…simply because I couldn’t decide. *sigh* My little roommate is growing up so fast. Kristen had fun too at the party. That girl can make friends where ever she goes. haha.

CSI season finale was amazing!!!! I’m still processing it all.

There’s more that’s been happening, but I’m tired. Here’s my parting song (some of you may recognize it. It’s been stuck in my head all day even though I haven’t actually heard it in years.):

Use me here, where I am
I’m not gonna pray anymore that You’ll change your plans
Despite my fear, I place my life in Your hands
the future can wait, tomorrow might be too late,
So Jesus use me here

I lay my heart’s desires at Your feet, oh Lord
Take all the plans I’ve made and all my dreams
Blinded by triumphs of tomorrow I’ve let sin control today
So many drowning within reach, Father it’s time
You heard me say…

I tell myself I want to know Your will, oh Lord
Still I confess I’ve had plans of my own
But from now on I plan to listen to Your will and to obey
No matter what the future holds I’m gonna live for You today

Lyrics from Everybodyduck, Hume Lake
http://www.maranooka.de/ccmlyrics/archives/e/Everybodyduck/0-Seized_by_Power_of_a_Great_Affection.htm

Just when I thought I was safe…in the clear from ‘you know whats’…they’re back. Their attempts are strong – they know my weaknesses. Girls, please pray for me. This is going to be a long summer.

Natural blondes ‘to die out in 2000 years’

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2284783.stm

I pray this isn’t the case. I mean, has anyone else seen any research on this?
Let me know if you have!

This morning I went to the Hunts Point Clean Up Day. It was fun, I helped clean up, got to know some more people in the community and got a cottage! I’m so excited. After being introduced formally as the Hunts Point History Project Intern, the community split into groups and I helped with the Town Hall group. We weeded, pruned and the works. Then I was helping a nice lady named Priscilla set up for lunch. She asked me about where I was going to live this summer after graduation and I told her that at that point it’s still in God’s hands. It wasn’t until after lunch as she was heading back to the parking lot that it dawned on her that her son and daughter-in-law have a recently vacated guest house in their back yard…just down the block!
The missionaries that they were housing there just moved out like a couple weeks before. It’s a house that they call God’s shed, because while it’s not really a shed, it is in their back yard. And it’s God’s house because they have dedicated it to the use of housing God’s people when they need a place to stay. I’m so jazzed! It’s the cutest place in the world. It’s just one room, big enough to do a cartwheel in. It’s got a small kitchen and a bathroom with a shower. There’s a queen sized bed, garnished with a Pottery Barn comforter and wood and wicker furniture. It has red dutch doors that open to a walk-way flanked by two blooming flower beds. Dana (the wife) said they get a lot of sunshine, plus, the cottage over looks the Lake! This is such a huge blessing. They gave me a key, the address to forward my mail to and told me I can move in whenever I want! They showed me where the washer and dryer are and also gave me a key to the house so I can access those at any time. I feel so endebted to them…I immediately started volunteering myself to do their laundry when she began talking about scheduling laundry days. I was like, don’t worry about that, I can just do all the laundry while you guys are out and I’m babysitting your kids. ha-ha.
Seriously, friends, you must come visit my cottage soon. It’s so cute!
Thank you Lord, for your blessings and answered prayer.

I just got back from the Falcon office. I really do love it there. For all the stress that it brings me when I try to write anything while sitting in that office…I still thrive on the community. *sigh*
Plus, I always get a kick out of the conversations that happen while waiting for photos or copy. Perhaps I’ll enlighten you all sometime, but not now.

In other news, it’s only been a day since I made a particular promise to myself, and it’s already getting hard to keep. Shoot. I curse my weaknesses. *sigh* Friends, please pray for me; that God will give me wisdom.