A sad day

I did it. I miss him so much, but I know it was the right thing to do. He knows I feel horrible. And I almost wonder if he isn’t glad I feel bad. His voice didn’t match his words.

Then after he hung up on me the first time, he called back and said “Please don’t go.”
Lord be with me. It’s so hard! I told him that it wasn’t that easy. Then he hung up again.

He said he knew what I needed and he promised to be that for me. I can’t live on promises. He knows I still care for him. But I don’t know if that matters to him.

He said I was making a mistake. I’ll wait for him to show me I’m wrong.

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Things I should be doing

I hate that my exterior life is so dominated by the tyrannous “Shoulds”…I should do this, I should do that…clean the house, balance my checkbook, finish this project, blah blah blah. It sucks that life can’t be normal unless you obey the “Shoulds.” I guess that’s what they call responsibility. yuck.
[…]

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Yucky coffee after-taste

So…I’m at work again. It’s really not so bad. People are really weird sometimes. I mean, I don’t claim to be completely void of weirdness or anything. I suppose it’s kind of like having food on your face, you can’t see it but everyone else can (and laughs at you for it). A crazy thought strikes me about this, why is it that people usually feel they can always do something better than the person who is currently doing it? A lot of people in this office think they can run things better than my parents, or better than the managers they’ve placed in charge. And perhaps they could, but the thing is…they aren’t in charge. How can they forget this little fact? My personal opinion (obviously saturated in family-related bias) is that there are several ways they can go about voicing their opinions that are more tactful than the approach they’ve chosen. #1. Don’t whine to the boss’ daughter. #2. Present your ideas for improvement in a positive and respectful way. #3. Consider the reasons for why the boss may have chosen to do things the way that they did. #4. Remember that you don’t really know everything.

In other news, I swear every considerable force in the world has cast its powers toward making me late for work. *sigh* It’s a sad fact to consider, but I think I’m becoming my brother (who suffers from a case of chronic lateness). I left this morning at a reasonable time…but there was an accident on the freeway. And every other day that I have been about 10 minutes late…it’s because I was carpooling with my brother.
I often wonder what goes on in my brother’s head while he drives. It’s a strange phenomena. He kind of drives the way Dory the Fish swims (from Finding Nemo). He starts out with a goal in mind and drives with the determination to get there. But a few seconds after taking off, he suddenly slows down and everything else in the world seems more interesting. He has to stop and read every bummer-sticker and billboard. He has to look at what everyone else is doing in their car or on the street. And I swear this kid hates holding the steering wheel the right way (if at all!). It freaks me out! He’ll be talking away about something and instead of talking with his mouth like a normal person and watching the road…he talks with his hands and looks at everything but the car in front of him! This is a very dangerous way to communicate. My brother also seems to be (like many drivers on the road) blinker or signal impaired. He never uses his signal and he wonders why people won’t let him cut in! He’s like a girl or something…he expects the other person to be able to read his mind! “Can’t they tell that I need to get over!”…”no, not-so-much.”

Okay, now…the grossest part about my brother’s driving habits is this…his nose picking.
Sliding into the passenger seat the first time this week, I hadn’t noticed anything unusual. It was when I leaned over one morning to change the radio station that I glanced down in front of the center console and noticed pale yellow flakes sprinkling the carpet. I disregarded it…thinking it’s probably just from something they transported in the car the night before. But then I sat back in my seat…pleased with my radio station selection, and I looked over at my dear brother for approval and saw him flick something on the carpet by the strange flakes of over-sized dandruff. “Eew! Josh that’s disgusting!”…”What? You don’t like my booger collection?”
Ohmygosh, seriously…can it get much grosser? I don’t think so.

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P.S.

Also, did you read Andrea’s lj update? I’m starting to worry about her more and more. Let’s call her to hang out soon. I think we all could use the bonding and encouragement. Also, did you get Anu’s email? I think she might have sent it to an old email address. She got engaged yesterday!

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Magyver and stuff

I watched Magyver the other day at my brother’s place. It was cool, but not quite as cool as I remember it being. Weird.
Thank you Loreanne for the hug and the present last night. That skirt is totally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! And Heather agrees with me too. *two thumbs up* for the greatest best friend ever.

P.S. How did your talk go last night? Mine is still going. My prayers are with you. And I did pray on the way home last night too. 🙂

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Interesting…sorta accurate…but maybe not so much…hmm

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. seattle pacific university score: 10
2. weezer score: 7
3. radiohead score: 6
4. queen anne score: 6
5. rock city score: 5
6. bass score: 5
7. sleep score: 5
8. vodka score: 5
9. drums score: 5
10. pearl jam score: 5
11. death cab for cutie score: 5
12. the distillers score: 5
13. scars score: 4
14. bmxing score: 4
15. star wars score: 4
16. u2 score: 4
17. photographs score: 4
18. mcd score: 4
19. playboy score: 4
20. pedro the lion score: 4

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.

coded by ixwin
Find out more

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My friend Anu got engaged today!!!! Congradulations Anu! I love you and you are in my prayers. May God bless you, your fiance and the new life that you will share together with God.

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In 1982 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US

The space shuttle Columbia completes its first operational flight

Actor John Belushi is found dead of a drug overdose in a West Hollywood hotel

Automobile manufacturer John Delorean is arrested and charged with possession of 59 pounds of cocaine

The first artificial heart is implanted in American Barney Clark

The Cable News Network, or CNN, is launched

750,000 people rally against nuclear weapons in New York City’s Central Park

Time Magazine’s Man of the Year was for the first time given to a non-human, a computer

The first computer virus, written by Rich Skrenta, escapes into the wild

Kirsten Dunst and Elisha Cuthbert are born

St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series

San Francisco 49ers win Superbowl XVI

New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is the top grossing film

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off of a live bat thrown at him during a performance, later hospitalized with rabies

“I Love Rock ‘N Roll” by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts spends the most time at the top of the US charts

Cheers, Family Ties, Silver Spoons, and Fame premiere



What Happened the Year You Were Born?


More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings
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The best of times and the worst of times

I cried when he left…well actually it was about an hour after I dropped him off at the airport. It wasn’t a sobbing-kind of cry. It was kind of like crying at the movies. It’s a watery-eyed (almost obligatory) kind of cry. Although, in the movies you don’t have any sort of personal connection with the actors, but you still feel moved and somehow sad. Of course, in my particular situation I did have attachments to the dearly departed (or rather, temporarily departed). I miss him, but I also feel a sense of relief. I know that my brother wasn’t too fond of him and my dad wasn’t very impressed either. There were a few moments where my mom and Alex had a serious “exchange” of words, but thankfully that ended on a good note. But the feedback I’ve received from friends and family who have met him hasn’t been top-notch. As a matter of fact, it’s sad…but I don’t think anyone I know (with a warranted opinion) that spent a good deal of time with him…came away raving about him.
I’m not sure what to think. I’m afraid that I am just making excuses and justifying the relationship. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think I need some more time to pray about it and turn things over in my head.
Right now I’m at Josh and Heather’s place. I couldn’t be home alone. The house still held the scent of Alex’s cologne from when he sprayed it after his shower. It made me sad to walk in the house after dropping him off and smelling him. I think what bothers me most is that our good-by was really short. (You know how airport traffic at the drop-off and pick-up curb can be…ew). So anyway, I’m spending the night here (Josh’s place) and I’m going to church with them tomorrow. I also dropped my parents off at the airport this morning at 7:30 (yuck!).
I talked with my brother over dinner tonight. He had a lot to say about Alex. Apparently him and my dad talked about him yesterday. He said my dad compares most of the guys I date to Tim, Quinn or Brad. Tim (my brother tells me) is the high bar in my dad’s opinion. Quinn is my brother’s favorite (side note: I talked to him briefly tonight…he’s doing well. He was at the store with his gf and from what I’ve heard so far, they’ve hit it off pretty well!) and Brad is my mom’s ideal match for me. (Well, he used to be…I’m not sure who is at the top of her list right now). As far as Alex’s status in my dad and brother’s books…he falls a bit short of the mark.
I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think. I bet I’ll feel better after going to church tomorrow. I always feel better after spending time in God’s house. So I think I’m done with this subject for tonight. More later.

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Weirdness

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you: Sex Appeal
In a survival situation, you: Fight, but reluctantly
Your hidden talent is: Adaptability
Your gift is: A loving heart
In groups, you: Observe others’ behaviour
Your best quality is: Your compassion
Your weakness is: Your timidity
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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