Things I should be doing

I hate that my exterior life is so dominated by the tyrannous “Shoulds”…I should do this, I should do that…clean the house, balance my checkbook, finish this project, blah blah blah. It sucks that life can’t be normal unless you obey the “Shoulds.” I guess that’s what they call responsibility. yuck.

What bums me out is that these “Shoulds” stiffle my interior life. I feel like there are all these passions; these dreams bottled up inside me vying to get out. My interior life, the world that I get lost in as I daydream during work or commute entices me and feeds me hope and optimism. I haven’t really tapped into my creative side in a while. I haven’t had time or inspiration. As I consider these two worlds…I’d have to say that it’s my interior life that keeps me going, but it’s the exterior life that keeps me under control. Is there always more than one side to everything? I mean, as much as I like options…sometimes I wish things could just be simplified. Let’s face it…I suck at making decisions sometimes.
What made me think of this topic of interior and exterior is that whenever I talk to my best friends…I’m always inspired to listen more to my interior passions.
For the past week or so I’ve been thinking about my friend Andrea and had been wanting to call her. Today she calls me up and I could just feel something inside me light up. So, on a whim, instead of doing what I supposedly ‘should’ have done (go to my brother’s place)…I decided I wanted to go pick up some chocolate shakes and go to Andrea’s place to chat for a while. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. It may sound sappy, but really it it spontaneous moments like those that make life what it is. It makes me anxious for tomorrow…eager to see what random surprises come my way.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate having a tentative plan for life in general. I mean, I’d probably be lost and aimless if I didn’t have my Day Planner. But surprises and spontaneity are the richest spices of life.

On another note…I’m dying to paint something, but I don’t know what. I have an itch and it’s killing me! I have a few ideas…but what I really need is inspiration. I hate when this happens! Grrrr…

P.S. I got the sweetest belated birthday card today. I feel loved!

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One Response to “Things I should be doing”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Pain and Painting
    Paintings are magical. Not only is it a scene capturing emotion, but it also conveys the deep emotions of the artist. That is one thing photo art lacks. I do not paint myself. I wish I had a talent for it as you do. All the wonderful things I would paint if only I had the skill. What a conundrum this is, an artist with the ability but now inspiration and a person with loads of thoughts and feelings with no skill to express them. Life is funny that way, only giving you half of what you need, and very little of what you want. When you find your inspiration, be careful because often pain and sorrow follow the joy and happiness that comes from the inspiration. That’s where the real work begins. Pain has to be worked through. You can’t just give up when you run into pain. You don’t throw away a piece of art when it starts to cause you trouble. You reshape your picture, come at it from a different angle. Then the picture will turn out.

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