what sort of weirdo are you?
this quiz by belle
However, to be completely honest…I think my level of weirdness depends on who I’m with and what mood I’m in, you know what I mean? I’m sure you understand, because…well, I remember this one time when Loreanne and I went to the zoo and these rabid lions with ghetto beanies……
Yes…I’m talking to you ‘Best friend in the whole wide world'(a.k.a Loreanne) and you, Kenny… and you, Mr. Wheaton Guy. I love you all and thank you so much for encouraging me and being such a great support during my time of trial. I pray that God will bless you all just as much as you have been a blessing to me.
Today hasn’t exactly been productive or anything…but it hasn’t been the worst either. I got up this morning and tried to wake up my brother. He didn’t wake up or get ready in time so I left for work without him. Tough luck! So naturally, because we weren’t a carpool anymore, I couldn’t use the carpool lane and traffic surrounded me. But I still got here in plenty of time and I took care of most of my work and aimless tasks early in the day.
So the rest of the time until now…I spent making another personally hand made thank you note. I love making thank you notes and leaving them for someone unexpecting to find. It’s sad that so many people go un-thanked everyday for going out of their way or doing something nice. Like my best friend last night invited me over to get away from my brother. And we had a great pampering party. It was great to feel girly for a change. I went home that night and spent two hours thanking God for my awesome friends.
I also had a long talk with my brother yesterday in the car on the way home from work. It was a great relief to get all of my thoughts off my chest. The sad part is that my brother revealed to me some more VERY discouraging details regarding my family members that thicken the situation; fortunatly though…there is a good side to this, I know that God has not only made Himself available for me to seek counsel…but He has also provided some great friends that I know I can count on. Also, the best part is, when I was relaying the story to Loreanne last night, I realized that it wasn’t me talking to my brother in the car…it was all God. There is pretty much nothing better than allowing God to speak through you. And the reason I know it wasn’t me is because I’m not sure my words would have been as quick and wise as the ones that I said. I thank the Lord that He spoke through me and gave me the right words to say to my brother. And I can only pray now that he has taken them to heart.
Another thing I am excited about is the fact that I get to leave in 15 minutes to go home and get ready for the A’s game with Q! Yippi! I’m so excited!
But one more thing before I go…alas..I have another semi-dilema. Dug, a friend from a while back talked to me today and he wanted to know if he could crash at my place Wed night. He’s driving back to school in San Diego and the drive is long. I’d feel so bad if I turned him away. And I know my parents wouldn’t mind, because they have always said that our doors are open…that it was part of our ministry as a family. But, just because they are away I made sure that I called them to make sure before I go telling him it’s ok. Anyhow, I’m not sure what to tell him, because I don’t want him getting the wrong impression.
To be perfectly honest, I almost hope that he gets to stay the night because my brother doesn’t want him to. I really want to prove my point about how I felt when Heather stayed the night. Of course, Dug wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed…I mean, I doubt I’ll even be letting him set foot in my room…but you get what I’m saying, right? When I informed my brother that I was calling mom and dad to ask them about it…he practically blew up! haha. I know it’s mean (Lord forgive me)…but com’on…let’s be honest here. haha.
Well, after my last break down, my super awesome best friend in the whole wide world gave me a call to see if I needed to talk. She quelled my frustrations and I was doing fine. I went and visited my friend Emily the next day at SFSU and we went to her church and then out to lunch at this really yummy crapes resturaunt. *mmmmm, it was sooo good!* I got home and had a wonderful women’s Bible study with Loreanne and Nerdalie. We made lip gloss and talked the whole evening! Then after they left, Chris stopped by to pick up his DVD that my bro and I had borrowed. We ended up talking until pretty late even though he still had to pack and get ready to leave back to school the next day. It was awesome to talk to him…he’s a great guy. To be honest, I think I’d add him to ‘The List’…but it would be almost weird considering we’ve known each other forever and have grown up together. But anyhow, no relationships for Sarah now, it’s not a good time. Just as he was leaving and saying goodbye, my brother started to head upstairs and I turned and told him not to go to sleep yet….that there was something I wanted to talk to him about. He shot back…”Why should I? I know what you’re going to say”…so I said “Well, then what’s your response?” and he said “I’m old enough to make my own decisions..” yada yada yada…anyhow, thankfully he walked Chris out to his car and they stayed out there talking for a while and I can only pray that Christ was able to give my bro the counsel he so desperatly needs.
So that brings me to this morning. I woke up early and was all ready for work when I saw that my bro and Heather were just getting up. We got out the door on time, but as we got onto the freeway, I started wondering how Heather was going to get home. I thought maybe we’d go by the office and then she would take the car, but that didn’t make sense. That’s when I noticed Josh was taking the other freeway! He was going to drop her off at school and make us both late!! The jerk! He didn’t bother to tell me any of this yesterday so I could have taken my own car and gotten to work on time. Figures. Trying to be patient I suggested to my brother that he call the office and let them know that he’d be late. Then I asked him if next time he could let me know of things like this ahead of time so I could take my own car and get to the office on time. He responds to me “yes mam”. That’s just really super un-cool. I was nice about it and he has to go being a butt-head! I admit I was ticked off by that point. So I reverted into my ‘I’m-angry-with-you-so-I’m-not-talking-to-you’ mode. I read my book in the car until we got to Heather’s campus and we dropped her off. That took practically forever because for some reason or another all these old people were walking through the parking lot and we had to wait forever! As soon as he got back into the car from escorting her to the frickin’ door…my bro then reverted into his sleepy driver mood. Which is a hassard so dangerous I don’t know any insurance policies that would cover it. I stayed in the back seat…fearing for my life. He was speeding and doing that hunch over thing where they slouch their sholders and drape their arms over the steering wheel with their eyes struggling to stay even half open. I sat straight up in the back seat clenching the ‘OS’ handle so hard my knuckles were white. Then I started thinking about what position I should be sitting in, just in case we crash. I assumed the stiff pose of a crash-test dummy. I figure this is the position the dummies were in when the company tested the cars…and they wouldn’t be selling the vehicles if any of the dummies got crushed in the crash tests. So that was probably my best bet.
During the rest of the ride to the office, the air in the Explorer was heavy with my frustration. I mean, don’t you think people can feel tension? I don’t want to say I was angry, because I wasn’t fumeing, I was restrained and tense. But in all honesty, the car was so thick with it I’m suprised the windows weren’t fogging up. Anyone else would have been choking on it! I mean, the cop that pulled him over this morning for running a red light probably felt it. (yea, that’s not a joke, he did get a ticket this morning for running a red light). Now, generally whenever you are talking to someone who is standing at your window…you turn down the radio/music, right? Even if you don’t do that for your friends, it’s only common sense to turn down the radio while the policman is trying to talk to you!!!! Did my brilliant brother do that? Of course not! Perhaps my aura of frustration was blocking his hearing too. My word! After the ticket was issued, we continued back towards work…every muscle in my body was tense, I have never been so annoyed in my life (that I can remember anyway). On the freeway, I was in my crash-dummy position (just in case) and I had my eyes locked on the rear-view mirror, watching my brother’s eyes to make sure they opened again everytime he closed them and watching the road. Alright, here’s a question…you know how a blink is the fraction of time that your eyes close before opening again? Well, what would you call the opposite…like if your eyes are only open a fraction of a second and closed the rest of the time? Because that’s what my brother kept doing! Like he had no reason, now that Heather was safe and sound…outside the car, to stay away and pay attention! Thank the Lord we made it to the office in one piece, we only almost hit 5 different cars and only got honked at a gazillion times…not to mention the thousands of other obscene gestures of frustration we recieved from fellow commuters. Then, you know what just topped it off? He speeds up, taking the last few turns to our office at like 90 mph…as if that’s going to help make up for the 45 minutes that we’re late to the office. So retarded! *grrrr* Lord calm my heart and help me to have patience and forgiveness for my brother even if he doesn’t have the guts to ask for any!
Well, I’m at that point. You know…that one where you just feel like throwing in the towel. I’m not sure what to think anymore. Well, actually that’s a lie, I know exactly what I should be thinking…the Bible lays that out pretty clearly, the catch is (as we all know) actually making ourselves think that way.
I’m not sure what really triggered that little outburst…haha. It’s strange actually – I could just attribute that little mood swing to PMS, but that would be a lie. And I’m no good at lying. I tried lying last night when I was talking to my brother. He asked me “what’s wrong?” and I said nothing. He saw right through me. He actually said something like “my brotherly intuition tells me that’s not true. It tells me something is bothering you…”. He’s right. But also, in a twisted way, he’s wrong too. My life this past year has been amazing. I feel like I’ve grown up a lot and I’ve had a gazillion marvelous experiences and I have created tons of great memories. The thing is, along with all the good, I’ve accepted the bad as well. The Lord has helped me deal with all the garbage, but for some reason it keeps creeping back to haunt me. Summer is winding down and I don’t want to return to school with all this stuff hanging over my head.
First of all, as much as I love my brother…I’ve been really frustrated with him. It’s a difficult issue to explain. But I’ll give the run down. He’s in love (that’s great), but in his avid love, he has cut off the rest of the world. He doesn’t talk about anything else and right now he is completely absorbed in getting money and a house so he can marry Heather as fast as possible and they can live happily ever after. There’s nothing wrong with wanting all that stuff, but it’s the way he’s going about it. Last night she stayed over….in his bed. That really really bothered me. I know he’s old enough to make his own decisions, but he knows better. He slept on top of the covers and she was under the covers, but still…you can see where I’m coming from, right? My parents left for New York yesterday, so they don’t know about any of this. Anyhow, to be perfectly honest…I’m sick and tired of hearing about Heather, marriage and whatever else having to do with that. I want my brother to be happy and all. But he needs variety in his life and he needs to give it a rest. He needs to learn to take things day by day, even if what he wants in the future is so close he can taste it. There, I said it. I feel a little bit better, but not much.
Actually, right now I feel terrible. I feel selfish, self-centered and worthless. I know those characteristics may not be true to form all the time, but right now that’s how I feel. I had a great day and from the looks of things I have absolutely nothing to complain about. However, dispite how everything looks…I’m festering inside. I’m not sure yet what it is and I’m digging deep inside myself and searching the Bible and praying…but I haven’t found what it is yet.
I feel like I’m holding something back, and at the same time I still don’t want to talk because I feel like it’s not anything that anyone would want to listen to. People talk, and I listen…that’s just the way it’s always been. I don’t speak my mind unless it’s requested or appropriate. I want to talk to my brother, but he’s so wrapped up in “the world o’ Heather” that he doesn’t really want to listen. He may ask me about stuff, but it’s like he’s just doing that because he feels he has to. Like it’s an obligation, you know? Whenever he knows I’m upset about whatever, he tries to make it better by doing something nice like buy me something cheap at the truck stop for lunch because he knows I haven’t eaten all day. The plot is thick, but I won’t go too much deeper into it. I just am starting to feel used. I have been warned in the past about allowing people to walk all over me, but the inevitable has happened and yet I still manage to walk away feeling guilty for it. I feel guilty for ever expecting something back after helping someone else out. I feel terrible about going out of my way and then going unappreciated. I’m supposed to do what I do out of the goodness of my heart which God has placed in me. Why do I care if “they” don’t care about what I have to say or what I think? Isn’t it good enough that God listens to me? Why do I want more than I deserve? blah, I need to pray and pull myself together. I will try to update on my progress, but in all honesty, I’ll probably get distracted after I pray and I’ll forget about all my mental and physical transgressions. That’s what usually happens…
I had a pretty good day today. Work went by kinda fast…after finishing all the tasks assigned to me, I spent the majority of the day writing a letter and a thank you note. Well, I made the thank you note from some cut outs in a floral magazine I found in the back of the conferrence room. Then I came home and went out again to look for some inexpensive luggage, because the luggage I have been using belongs to my parents and I needed to have my own. I got a great deal on two suitcases at Ross. I’m proud, hehe. Then I came home and went for a nice long walk with my dad to deliver my thank you note because I forgot to drop it off on my way down the hill to Ross. It is a beautiful night tonight, just gorgious! I hope all of you are enjoying it as much as I am.
1. [Spell your name backwards]: haras
2. [Where do you live?]: California
3. [What’s your birthday?]: July 8th, 1982
4. [Who is your worst enemy?]: hmmm, don’t really have one that I know of…perhaps satan
5. [If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?]: a white Siberian Tiger…they are so beautiful…although a regular orange tiger would be pretty too….or maybe a raccoon, they’re cute.
6. [What is the latest you’ve ever stayed up?]: umm all night
7. [Ever been to Belgium?]: nope
8. [What’s your favorite coin?]: quarters….they seem to be the most useful…but I love pennies! Because you can run them through those machines at amusement parks and get a flat penny. Those are fun souvenirs to collect.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
9. [Wallet]: I used to have a nice maroon leather SPU wallet, but I recently had to change back to my old black leather wallet with a sunshine on the front because apparently my old one de-magnetized my gas cards. I don’t know how and I think it’s lame, but whatever!
10. [Brush]: black slightly curvy brush…borrowed permanently from my brother…he doesn’t ever use it! Then I have a wooden round brush with brown stubble.
11. [Toothbrush]: a light blue ‘Dr. Franson’ tooth brush…special issue from my last appointment
12. [Jewelry worn daily]: white gold necklace with my cross and two charms that say faith and wisdom. My white gold purity ring on my left hand (and yes, a lot of people probably think I’m married…but whatever), silver Guess watch on my left hand, brown leather bracelet and red/white/blue prayer bracelet and a blonde colored pony tail thingy on my right wrist. White gold loops the lower holes in my ears and diamond studs in the upper holes. Finally, a silver toe ring on my right foot.
13. [Pillow cover]: white with blue and yellow stars and moons
14. [Blanket]: denim blue comforter
15. [Coffee cup]: haha, hello…I’m from Seattle now…and you want me to describe just one coffee cup? Haha, that’s funny. But one of my favorites is a tumbler I got from Starbucks that is clear and I decorated it with a bunch of ticket stubs…fun stuff!
16. [Sunglasses]: black on the outside, blue and black marble on the inside, Angel logo in silver on the right side
17. [Underwear]: Hawaiian bikini style…woo whoo!
18. [Shoes]: hmmm, I just went for a long walk with my dad, so now I have on my navy blue and orange Nike tennis shoes.
19. [Handbag]: brown vintage (old English looking) leather book bag…kinda looks like it’s straight out of Indiana Jones or something…I’m glad I got it!
20. [Favorite top]: hmmm, that’s a tough one. I would have to say my new red kung-fu t-shirt that I get from the boys section at Target.
21. [Favorite pants]: old school Abercrombie cords…I think they used to be blue, but I’ve worn them so much that they have faded to gray. They’re baggy, long, soft and oh soooo comfortable!
22. [Cologne/Perfume]: Abercrombie for women…hey, it was free…what can I say! A little side note: my mom always told me that you could only buy your fragrance if you absolutely had to, otherwise you were supposed to have a guy buy it for you. So for the longest time I only got perfume for Christmas or birthday from my dad or brother.
23. [CD in stereo right now]: Gladiator soundtrack, Jimmy Eat World – Clarity, Julliana Theory, Dashboard Confessional, ummm, I forget what else.
24. [Tattoos]: Don’t have one…but I plan on getting one of a tiny dove with an olive leaf on my lower right hip eventually.
25. [Piercings]: 2 in each ear lobe
26. [Wearing]: red jogging pants and my blue, long sleeve bike riding shirt
27. [Hair]: in a pony tail
28. [Makeup]: does chap-stick count?
WHAT/WHO:
29. [In my mouth]: just the usual….teeth, tongue, spit….
30. [In my head]: too much…
31. [Wishing]: I could be more help
32. [After this]: quiet time….yea Jesus!
33. [Talking to]: my cat, Tucker (telling him to get off the clean laundry that I should be folding)
34. [Eating]: nothing…you’re surprised?
35. [Do you like candles]: I love candles! So relaxing and elegant…*sigh*
36. [Do you like hot wax]: ummmm, is this a trick question?
37. [Do you like incense]: To be honest I never could figure out incense…I’ve only had good luck with one kind and I’ve never been able to find it ever again…so I gave up.
38. [Do you like the taste of blood]: yes, I am a vampire! Mmmwwuuuhhaaaahhhaaa *evil laugh* ummm, let’s be honest here…NO
39. [What is your fave drink?]: Brisk Ice tea, juice, milk, raspberry ice tea…it totally depends on the mood
40. [If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason]: stupid question…nobody EVER.
41. [Person you wish you could be with right now]: probably nobody…I’m not very presentable at the moment..hehe. But if I were…EVERYONE! Party time yeah!
42. [What/Who is next to you]: laundry and my cat
43. [What do you want done with your body when you die]: save my family the cash….cremation probably…doesn’t really matter…I’ll be with Jesus!!
44. [Do you believe in love]: fo sho!
45. [Do you believe in soulmates]: yep
46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: nope, as a wise and wonderful woman (my best friend) once said “that’s infatuation kids!”
47. [Do you believe in Heaven]: yes
48. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: yup
49. [Do you believe in God]: you bet!
50. [What’s something that you wish people would understand]: me, but then again, sometimes I don’t understand me…hehe. But on a more serious note…I often wish people would understand better the sacrifice that Christ made for them.
51. [What’s something you wish you could understand better]: I can only pick one thing? How about life?
52. [What’s one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow]: I want to make myself useful
You know, one of the best sounds in life is the sound of God’s voice. Whether it’s conviction or encouragement…I love hearing His voice. It seems like I’ve been hearing it a lot lately. The last time I heard it was after I left Loreanne’s house last night. Well, let me back up. Allow me to briefly review the highlights of my weekend. Friday I went to work (blah) then I met up with Loreanne and Kenny to play tennis. After a few hits we decided that we’d rather go chill and watch a movie (original huh? haha). So we met up at my house and watched “Along came the spider”. Saturday, I got another unusual awakening from my mom (don’t ask) and I had to cancel my plans to go out to lunch with my buddy Johan and start going through my closet and packing to go back to school. That evening Loreanne came over and we had our Bible study. Quinn had called a bit earlier that evening wondering if I wanted to meet up with him at Starbucks to hang out. So Loreanne and I did that. After Starbucks, we went and goofed around at Walmart until they closed. Then we just drove around looking for mischief, but we didn’t really find any…but it was fun! The next morning I got up and went to teach my sunday school class. It was a really powerful session. I talked with them about 9/11, (which as many of you know, is a very sensitive subject for me) and about how we need to love our enemies and excercise the power of prayer. I loved that morning, I feel like God really spoke through me. After the lesson, the staff people met up for a meeting and then I rushed back to my house to change and meet Andrea. We stopped by the grocery store on our way to the concert where the checker guy commented on Andrea’s shirt which said “Rub my tummy for good luck” (it had a picture of a Buddah on it). It was funny, the guy said something like “that shirt could get a lot of guys arrested”…haha. We got to Hoobastank / 311 concert without getting lost (Andrea and I were really excited about that because neither of us are very good with direction, haha). The concert was awesome and I intended to walk away from it with no regrets. The last concert I went to I walked away regretting not getting a t-shirt and not getting an autograph from the drummer of Dashboard Confessional. Anyway, that’s another story. So I got a hoobastank t-shirt and Loreanne got me a poster. I was super excited about that. (By the way, if you want to read more about this, check out ‘trademehalos’ journal – she was there too!) So yea, there was an interesting mix of culture at the concert because there were rap/hip hop groups there as well as rockers. Oh, and two different times, random strangers came up and rubbed Andrea’s tummy, haha. And it seemed like everywhere we sat, we ended up next to someone who was drunk or smoking weed. Yuck! But we still had tons of fun. Afterwards we went to Loreanne’s house to watch the Rookie. It was an okay movie, kind of slow for my taste. But it was cute.
Okay, now here’s where I got my latest revelation from God. Well, actually it’s one of those things that you learn a long time ago, but it’s like you have this sudden revelation where you learn it all over again from a different perspective. Does that make sense? Oh well, anyhow, I had brought my camera to the concert but I had forgotten to take pictures! How stupid is that! I was so angry with myself because I really wanted pictures of hoobastank and 311 (especially when 311 did this awesome drum sequence). And I also feel bad because I know that Loreanne really wanted pictures too. So it’s like I let two people down because of my slowness. So I went home from her house last night with a really heavy weight of regret on my shoulders. But as I was getting ready for bed and having my quiet time, I was having a really hard time getting over it and I started thinking, why was that so important to me? Why was I freakin’ out about it? Why is a photograph so valuable? All these kinds of questions paraded through my head. Then it struck me…what exactly did I value? What were the things that I occupied my time with? I started to evalutate my life and I realized that I was placing a lot of value on the wrong things. I won’t go any deeper into this. But I wasn’t at the point I should have been. It was quite the quiet time last night. But I just really felt the need to share that with all you lovely people out there and encourage you to listen to God’s voice…even if what He is saying is stuff you’ve heard a million times before. Well, this is getting kinda long…so I’m going to say goodbye and take care till next time. Here is my pearl of wisdom for the day (unless of course I think of a better one later): Don’t wear a demin one-piece that is too tight…it will inevitably burst at the seams leading to an embarrassing exit and no-doubt some interesting improvising from a friend. (This was a lesson I learned at the concert…yes, that means we saw somebody who hadn’t learned this yet, haha).
You know…I feel sort of silly now that I’m sitting here looking at all the effort I’ve put into this silly system. I often wonder if anybody really reads them. I mean, I know three people who generally keep up with the entries, although it’s not often that they ever post anything because…well, I assume it’s for one of three reasons:
1. Because they see or talk to me practically every day, and generally it’s funner to laugh in someone’s face about something they said rather than type “hahaha *laughing in your face*” in a comment post.
2. My entries keep getting stranger and stranger and they are the type of comments that if spoken in a circle of company, would probably be that one comment that kills a conversation leaving an awkward silence lingering in the air. Sometimes, you just can’t think of anything to say.
3. They don’t have time. That’s understandable…but also a cliche…but who am I to judge, lets be honest here folks…haha.
So yea, that’s my final thought for the evening….it’s nighty night time for me.
I also learned today that it takes talent and practice to kick your shoes from your feet, and successfully fling them into a cardboard box…from a swivel chair…in an ajoining office. I learned this as I was honing my shoe flinging skills in my brother’s office. The office chair was maxed out and over-extended because I had swiveled in it so much that I had pumped it to it’s max height, hehe, how will you ever know how heigh an office chair can go unless you try, right? So as I was teetering precariously in an over-extented swivel chair in my brother’s office, waiting for the room to stop spinning and regain my composure after an intense spinning session and I saw a cardboard box sitting across the way in the conference room. (actually at first I thought it was two boxes, but then my vision came back into alignment, hehe) I had taken my shoes off earlier in an attempt to increase my spinning abilities and reach maximum office chair velocity. Then the idea struck me, I wonder if I could make that shot? I was still too dizzy to reach down and toss the shoe with my hand, so naturally I grabbed it with my toes and flung it with my foot…ouch! Next thing I knew I was apologizing to a fellow secretery for nailing her in the shin with my shoe. Honestly it was an accident, that’s a sharp turn anyway…I didn’t see her coming, hehe. Anyhow, I think I’ve gotten better since this morning. However, now that I think about it…I should probably check and see what’s in the cardboard box, before I excel enough to actually make a shot…it does, after all, say in bold black marker on the side “HANDLE WITH CARE”. hehe
