Esprit de l'escalier

Well, after my last break down, my super awesome best friend in the whole wide world gave me a call to see if I needed to talk. She quelled my frustrations and I was doing fine. I went and visited my friend Emily the next day at SFSU and we went to her church and then out to lunch at this really yummy crapes resturaunt. *mmmmm, it was sooo good!* I got home and had a wonderful women’s Bible study with Loreanne and Nerdalie. We made lip gloss and talked the whole evening! Then after they left, Chris stopped by to pick up his DVD that my bro and I had borrowed. We ended up talking until pretty late even though he still had to pack and get ready to leave back to school the next day. It was awesome to talk to him…he’s a great guy. To be honest, I think I’d add him to ‘The List’…but it would be almost weird considering we’ve known each other forever and have grown up together. But anyhow, no relationships for Sarah now, it’s not a good time. Just as he was leaving and saying goodbye, my brother started to head upstairs and I turned and told him not to go to sleep yet….that there was something I wanted to talk to him about. He shot back…”Why should I? I know what you’re going to say”…so I said “Well, then what’s your response?” and he said “I’m old enough to make my own decisions..” yada yada yada…anyhow, thankfully he walked Chris out to his car and they stayed out there talking for a while and I can only pray that Christ was able to give my bro the counsel he so desperatly needs.
So that brings me to this morning. I woke up early and was all ready for work when I saw that my bro and Heather were just getting up. We got out the door on time, but as we got onto the freeway, I started wondering how Heather was going to get home. I thought maybe we’d go by the office and then she would take the car, but that didn’t make sense. That’s when I noticed Josh was taking the other freeway! He was going to drop her off at school and make us both late!! The jerk! He didn’t bother to tell me any of this yesterday so I could have taken my own car and gotten to work on time. Figures. Trying to be patient I suggested to my brother that he call the office and let them know that he’d be late. Then I asked him if next time he could let me know of things like this ahead of time so I could take my own car and get to the office on time. He responds to me “yes mam”. That’s just really super un-cool. I was nice about it and he has to go being a butt-head! I admit I was ticked off by that point. So I reverted into my ‘I’m-angry-with-you-so-I’m-not-talking-to-you’ mode. I read my book in the car until we got to Heather’s campus and we dropped her off. That took practically forever because for some reason or another all these old people were walking through the parking lot and we had to wait forever! As soon as he got back into the car from escorting her to the frickin’ door…my bro then reverted into his sleepy driver mood. Which is a hassard so dangerous I don’t know any insurance policies that would cover it. I stayed in the back seat…fearing for my life. He was speeding and doing that hunch over thing where they slouch their sholders and drape their arms over the steering wheel with their eyes struggling to stay even half open. I sat straight up in the back seat clenching the ‘OS’ handle so hard my knuckles were white. Then I started thinking about what position I should be sitting in, just in case we crash. I assumed the stiff pose of a crash-test dummy. I figure this is the position the dummies were in when the company tested the cars…and they wouldn’t be selling the vehicles if any of the dummies got crushed in the crash tests. So that was probably my best bet.
During the rest of the ride to the office, the air in the Explorer was heavy with my frustration. I mean, don’t you think people can feel tension? I don’t want to say I was angry, because I wasn’t fumeing, I was restrained and tense. But in all honesty, the car was so thick with it I’m suprised the windows weren’t fogging up. Anyone else would have been choking on it! I mean, the cop that pulled him over this morning for running a red light probably felt it. (yea, that’s not a joke, he did get a ticket this morning for running a red light). Now, generally whenever you are talking to someone who is standing at your window…you turn down the radio/music, right? Even if you don’t do that for your friends, it’s only common sense to turn down the radio while the policman is trying to talk to you!!!! Did my brilliant brother do that? Of course not! Perhaps my aura of frustration was blocking his hearing too. My word! After the ticket was issued, we continued back towards work…every muscle in my body was tense, I have never been so annoyed in my life (that I can remember anyway). On the freeway, I was in my crash-dummy position (just in case) and I had my eyes locked on the rear-view mirror, watching my brother’s eyes to make sure they opened again everytime he closed them and watching the road. Alright, here’s a question…you know how a blink is the fraction of time that your eyes close before opening again? Well, what would you call the opposite…like if your eyes are only open a fraction of a second and closed the rest of the time? Because that’s what my brother kept doing! Like he had no reason, now that Heather was safe and sound…outside the car, to stay away and pay attention! Thank the Lord we made it to the office in one piece, we only almost hit 5 different cars and only got honked at a gazillion times…not to mention the thousands of other obscene gestures of frustration we recieved from fellow commuters. Then, you know what just topped it off? He speeds up, taking the last few turns to our office at like 90 mph…as if that’s going to help make up for the 45 minutes that we’re late to the office. So retarded! *grrrr* Lord calm my heart and help me to have patience and forgiveness for my brother even if he doesn’t have the guts to ask for any!