Esprit de l'escalier

Sometimes being alone feels like enduring gross medicine that you take because you know it will make you better. But I should also mention that being alone can also be like that orange flavored cold medicine (Dymatap?), which isn’t so bad.

I think right now is the gross medicine time. But only for two and a half more hours…then it’s CSI time! woohoo!

Loreanne, I got your message and I miss you so much. I’ll be calling you soon! Probably Saturday when I go looking at condos and townhouses…so I can describe them and get your opinion. 🙂

If you read this, even if I don’t speak to you often, please post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.

Yesterday I felt odd and almost uncomfortable all day. My brain was scattered and I couldn’t focus. I thought for a while that it was because some stupid football game was on instead of a long awaited tennis match between Agassi and Fedderer. That, I thought, is for sure the thing that is throwing off my whole day.
Later I considered the possibility that I was derailed by a lack of human contact. I’d gone all day without speaking to anyone in person. I don’t think this was it either because I’ve gone several days without human interaction before.
Then I thought maybe it was the nightmare and restless sleep I’d had the night before. I had a terrible dream that I was being attacked by some questionable hobos at a homeless shelter by Fisherman’s Warf in SF. They were coming at me with butter knives and I kept wondering as I was running, “Who on earth would give these people dinner knives?! We only serve potatoe soup on Tuesdays!” (And apparently I’d had a midnight snack in my sleep because I woke up that morning with the remnants of a bowl of applesauce that appeared mysteriously on the counter in the middle of the night.)
Finally, I wondered if maybe this madness wasn’t brought on by the sudden illness I’ve been battling on and off all week. I took some cold medicine. It’s the same stuff I’ve taken before but maybe I got a defunct batch or something? Whatever the case, it didn’t work very well because it still feels like I swallowed a piranah and its chewing on my throat.

It wasn’t until I had my quiet time that I confronted the real issue that was knawing on the back on my mind. It’s 9/11 and I didn’t want to be confronted with remembering that reality again. But there was no running from it. When I tried to run, my whole day was thrown off because I knew something didn’t feel right once upon a time that day four years ago. Is that weird or is it just me?

I’m still in the office. Back to work with me. *cracking whip*

[…]

The walk to work this morning was so beautiful. *sigh* I think more people’s cars should go out of commission for a while so they learn to appreciate all the benefits that can come from a nice 3-4 mile walk to work. Well, then again, I’m an environmentalist and I’m a nut. So what do I know?
Anyway, I had the chance to talk to my dad and get updated a bit while walking this morning. It’s good to hear his voice and it was nice to just chat about where I’m going after this job. He’s worried about my finances and that I won’t have enough to live in an apartment on my own (let alone with a roommate). I’ve been saving up for a while, but even so, he’s right. I dunno…I might have to move back home for a while until I build up a fluffier “cushion”. I really appreciate that my dad shows concern and understanding, but that he also lets me be concerned too. Instead of just giving me money right away to fix the problem…he allows me to feel the burden and look for ways to solve it myself. That way when he does help out, the gift is that much more genuine and appreciated. Plus, I don’t feel like a freeloader and I have less to pay back later. It’s all in God’s hands, that’s for sure. He’s taken great care of me so far. I guess that’s why I’m so anxious to see what happens next.
I met a totally awesome girl named Michelle that I think would be a great roommate. I’ve been seeing her at church and hanging out with her afterwards is great fun. She and Kyle have been friends practically forever and she’s super sweet. She likes concerts, lived in SF for a while (so she knows my homeland fairly well) and we seem to have a lot of the same idiosyncrasies. Plus, she likes animals…so kitty cats would be a welcomed addition.
The potential is there and it’s lookin’ good. The only thing I have to figure out is where I’m going to work. The business cards I ordered should be coming soon. But in the meantime I have so much more to be concerned with. I’ve got several portraits I need to have finished by the end of the month…not to mention this book!
I’m starting to feel the pressure build and it seems like I’m getting more leads every day. Why do people wait until the last minute to tell me that they’re related to the distant pioneers of this land? It’s so…rude…and…inconvenient. Definitely inconvenient.
I’m still at the office and everyone else has gone home. Lucky for me the sun doesn’t set until about 8pm, so I won’t have to walk home in the dark. There are tons of pictures I still have to sift through and I’ll be buried for a while. One minor problem is this spider that has been perched on the wall to my left. He’s a little bigger than a half dollar and I can see the hairs on his back. He’s too big for a tissue crunch, and I don’t like confronting spiders that are hairy and have fangs that I can see with a naked eye. His legs are the thickness of toothpicks and his body is the size of a jelly bean (a black licorice jelly bean spider on eight tooth pick size legs…ew) The moment he steps closer…I’m out of here.

It’s sad but my car is finally starting to show her age. First her brake pads went out. Then last night the transmission gave out. Thankfully it wasn’t until I was parked in front of Kyle’s townhouse that she ‘really’ broke down. The transmission first blew out on the freeway, but she held out just long enough to get me to a safe place. So she’s in the shop right now and hopefully I’ll get her back some time tonight or tomorrow. I’m not suffering too bad without her because I live only a couple miles from work and it’s a comfortable walking distance. Plus, this morning was beautiful. I’d like to continue my walking habit…I mean, obviously it’s good for me and it will be good for me financially too since the recent leap in gas prices.

Andrea left yesterday morning. It was so sad to see her leave. We had so much fun! We went on the Underground Tour, the Space Needle, Pike’s Place Market, Ivar’s, Pioneer Square, the works. We also went to the Sunday market in Fremont and I think that was one of Andrea’s favorites. She found some cool cowboy boots for Tobian. I think he’ll really like them. Kyle found me a old edition of The Original Sherlock Holmes short stories and he got it for me. So sweet!

So, it was decided at the last meeting I had with the town mayor that my deadline would be bumped up to Oct. 1. I’ve got a lot of work to do in very little time!

BROWNIE BATTER! You scored 77% SWEET, 55% CHUNKY, and 70% UNIQUE!

brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl Mmmm….you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you’re not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

P.S. Harmony, are you coming to Firefly tomorrow night?

This weekend I went to Treasure Island with Kyle’s family. It’s so beautiful over there and I’ve been needing the vacation (of course I only admit this is hindsight). We played cards, lounged in the sun, went canoing in the moon light and had devotions together over breakfast every morning. It was two days of pure, unspoiled heaven.
To top off the weekend, after church yesterday, we went to the Dave Matthews concert at the Gorge and enjoyed prime seats.
***Side note: Is it just me or is it incredibly rude to feed a chain smoking habit in the middle of a concert? And lets be honest…pot smoke is the grossest smell in the world. Leave it at home!

The concert was totally awesome and it’s funny and worth mentioning that one of the women working in the office with me had tickets to the same show but couldn’t make it. She has two boys about my age and has seen Dave at the Gorge before. She was going on and on about how wonderful the show is. ha-ha. It’s pretty cool how the Dave Matthews Band attracts such a broad fan base.

In continuing with this trend of fun, tonight is the Firefly marathon part 2! It’s so nice having things like this to look forward to. Praise the Lord!

P.S. Zach, I look forward to getting that cup of coffee with you too!
P.S.S. Loreanne, keep your eyes on the mail, your birthday present should be arriving soon!