Do you ever have those moments of complete and utter loss? Where you are just forced to stop and try to explain yourself. I hate those moments. I particularly dislike having to ever explain how I’m feeling, especially when I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling.

These past few weeks I think God has been corning me and forcing me to confront my purpose, that which gives me value. I’ve learned a lot in that time. I’ve learned that I can’t run a business on my own and that I don’t have the self discipline to be self-managed. And I can’t be by myself for too long. Otherwise I go crazy.
I want so bad to do something great, to write in a way that inspires people to look beyond themselves. I want to have a purpose that challenges and stretchs me and gives me a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I want to work with people and develope a community. But right now I feel extremely displaced.

If this is a 12 step program, I think I can say I’ve achieved the first step. To acknowledge that I have a problem. haha. Of sorts. Identity crisis, maybe?

I am confident that I can call any temp agency and be hooked up with a mundane office job and do well. I would work with people and accomplish things. My only hesitation is that I would get absorbed in that and be too tired or unmotivated to pursue or develope the skills I have. I would get off track and loose sight of my passions. Most of all, I don’t want to settle.

I need guidance and direction. I need a mentor. I need a Yoda.

Do you have that feeling of accomplishment at the end of your work day? What drives you to do what you do?

  • Digg
  • Del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Twitter
  • RSS

2 Responses to “Purpose”

  1. propheceye says:

    What makes you think that if God came down and told you your purpose, that it would be what you want it expect it to be? What makes you think that we have a purpose at all outside of simply being who and what we already are?

  2. sarahmadson says:

    Well, unlike some people we know…hehe…I’m an optimist. And I can’t help but have a crazy feeling like God wouldn’t have given me a desire to do something more if He didn’t intend for me to actually do something more.

Leave a Reply