Esprit de l'escalier

Do you ever have one of those days where things feel a lot bigger than they really are? I’m not talking about trying on clothes after loosing weight or forgetting that ‘the objects in your review mirror are closer than they appear.’ I’m speaking situationally. This last week has been full of those days and today continues the tradition.

Quick catch up:
-For those that know my family and the issues therein, the plot is thickening…unnecessarily.
In summary, two members of my family made some poor decisions regarding their marriage and are now in the midst of finalizing a divorce. Aside from lack of communication, at the center of the mess were some emails.
These emails had been placed out in the open by the sender and receiver. They have asked for forgiveness and are attempting to move on…swimming in regret.
Now, for some reason, these emails, that I had no desire whatsoever to see, were mailed to me by another family member. I’d like to believe that they were sent with the best of intentions…perhaps in an effort to help me understand another side of the story. But I can’t help but feel that the sender is refusing to let the issue pass and is only trying to keep this person’s misery and regret alive and kicking.

It hurts so much when family clings to bitterness like this and tries to pass it on. Especially when the incriminating evidence can so easily be distroyed and forgotten. I feel like these emails are that kind of fodder. The guilty party has acknowledged his crime, asked forgiveness and is trying to move on. But how can they when the opposing side (not even the victim) refuses to let go and keeps proof of guilt locked away in their safe? It’s disgusting.

The reason I started out by saying this seemed like a situation that felt bigger than it was is because as I try to step back and look at it from a distance, I have a feeling it’s not that complicated.
I know that when I finally call the person who sent me these emails, I will need a great deal of wisdom. I know I can easily be persuaded and may loose sight of the real issues.
To cut to the core of it…I’m freakin’ scared. I haven’t a clue what I’ll say. The communication is clouded with ‘he said, she said’ dialoge and pre-concieved notions of guilt and ‘hollier than thou’ attitudes. I feel really bad throwing out labels like that, but I needed to identify this beast before approaching it.

Please pray for me, that God will give me wisdom, compassion and the right words to say what needs to be said.

Now, time to take Ricochet to the vet! It’ll be his first visit and I pray so hard that he’ll check out as being as healthy as they come. He and Izabelle have been bonding so nicely and I don’t know if I’d survive loosing either one of them.