Here’s what’s sad…

Have you ever experienced so much awkwardness that you just didn’t know what to do with yourself? Like that anxious feeling you get when you know you should be somewhere in less than three minutes but still haven’t left yet and it’s a half hour away. Or when you’re the final word between an ongoing debate between your two greatest friends. The way I’m feeling right now is kind of like that…sitting and catching my breath in that 15 minute break between finals. Except I haven’t even finished the first exam…but I have to gear up for the next. These past few weeks have been just jam packed with awkwardness. There really is no other word for it. I feel like I haven’t been able to put myself completely into anything. I’m only able to disperse my energy a wee bit here and there and I am going insane. But I’m holding up several things at once and if I put all my strength toward one thing over another it’s all going to come crashing down on me.
I really only have myself to blame. I know this already. And I also know that God will help me out like He always does, but this time I don’t think it’s going to be so easy. I can just sense it. I think the people around me can sense it too. As people walk up to me I can see the pity in their eyes. They say nice things and I can tell they feel uncomfortable. I don’t blame them either…it’s like talking to someone who has something on their face…you’re not sure if you know them well enough to acknowledge it, so you kind of talk around it…maybe say something about how you really like their shoes, “Are they new? They’re hecka cool, where’d you get them?”
Overall, today started out really great. I went to my Iona cadre this morning and had a chance to begin my day with praise, prayer and reflection. I loved it so much! Then I went to class and got my test back…that wasn’t so great. But the discussion was cool because I knew what we were talking about. That’s always nice. Right after that I went to the forum. I’m sorry but that talk was kinda pointless…the speaker totally didn’t answer any of the questions that were supposed to be addressed. Also, there was some awkwardness that followed that too…more about that later *maybe*.
Then an interview, then the Falcon meeting (oh yea, and I ate something sometime or another…I can’t really remember). Then SPUD pictures…which took an hour and a half…so here I am now. I still have a midterm in media law to study for tomorrow…yuck…and I have statistics at 8am. I’m gonna die.

So what’s the worst part of it all? Probably the fact that the only reason I started writing this entry was because I couldn’t remember what I did today when my roommates asked me about it.

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Twitter
  • RSS

Leave a Reply