Self Disclosure

Most people consider the moment you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as the most important time of your life. That is true, but along with that is another important moment in your life, the moment you realize how to grow in your Faith and increase in wisdom. Having knowledge is good, but having the wisdom to use that knowledge is better.
God has been showing me that I am not super woman and that I can’t do it all (let alone, do it all on my own). I’ve been learning to find my rest in Him and to open up to others. I’ve especially been learning self-disclosure. I’ve been learning to open up to those that I trust. Allowing myself to be humbled enough to cry out for help when I need it. And, as always, the Lord has been teaching me patience.

It has been said that there are no experiences which have not been felt before. That there is no un-tread ground. You think that your feelings and experiences are unique and that you are all alone, but apparently not. At this point in my life I wish desperately that I had a devotional or a book that could tell me what I am supposed to be doing. Some kind of autobiography or something written by someone who has been where I’m at now and could tell me where to go next. But I have found no such manual. It’s difficult to know what to do in certain situations when you have a hard time even explaining the situation itself. Could it be that I have found the untouched predicament? A point in life in which no one else has lived before? Is life really just a big landscape where people plant seeds of happening on the ground they have walked on to mark their path? I have come across untainted ground. People walk the same paths…but they wear different shoes. I make no mistake in thinking that I am special or unique. I know that I can find help in all sorts of places. What keeps me from doing it? Well, first of all, I have no idea where or how to begin to understand my confusion. I feel like I should be doing something bigger or finding something greater than what I have already found.
I hate to think that I ‘need’ anyone but the Lord. He’ll provide the comfort I need, right? Wrong. God has created man to seek companionship. What kind of companion would I be? This point in my life…this point of confusion…I have no idea if anyone else has walked this ground before. But I know I will not be treading it alone. I know that the Lord is with me…I will set aside my stubbornness and let Him help me through. Where do I go from here Lord? What do I do? Why can’t I hear Your voice? Or rather, why am I not listening? Why is it that I know what to do but I have such a hard time doing it?
The best word to describe these past few months is: weary. Time goes faster and there seems to be more and more that needs to get done. I feel as though my creative juices have been sucked out of me. My passion and inspiration have been nonexistent. Was I really meant to be a writer? What am I supposed to do with my life? What’s my purpose? I know that the women in the Bible asked themselves this same question. But their options were a bit more limited than mine. Not that I am not grateful. I just need guidance. Why is it so much easier to help other people sort out their life than it is to sort out your own? Could it be that other people know me better than I know myself?

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2 Responses to “Self Disclosure”

  1. propheceye says:

    Ecclesiastes 1
    9 What has been will be again,
    what has been done will be done again;
    there is nothing new under the sun.
    10 Is there anything of which one can say,
    “Look! This is something new”?
    It was here already, long ago;
    it was here before our time.
    So it’s a tad out of context but I believe the principle to be true for all general ideas.
    Believe it or not, I am in the same position you are in to some extent and have been for some time… though as you can imagine I perceive and deal with it quite differently.
    Not that anyone really considers anything I say seriously but I feel I should warn you that sitting around and trying to find answers to the questions you are asking will more often than not bring out more hard questions and frustration than answers.
    You are worried about your future as a writer and your future in general… why?
    Ecclesiastes 2
    11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
    and what I had toiled to achieve,
    everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
    nothing was gained under the sun.
    I know you have been a workaholic for as long as I have known you… and I know you have been overly busy with jobs and such on top of school. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but is all that what’s really most important?
    Furthermore can you really control the future better than God can? If no, then again why worry? Whether you stress out or not, the future will come and generally what comes isn’t really up to you.
    My point is, I think a refocusing of your energies might do some good. The only thing in this life that is really worth anything in this world is your relationship with God and your relationship with friends and others in conjunction with God. Jesus made it a point that greatness would be found in life by serving God and server others for the sake of the kingdom. If this were made a focus, then I believe things would fall into place as far as what you are supposed to do in the future. As for your purpose in this life… well can you think of a better purpose?
    Why is it so much easier to help other people sort out their life than it is to sort out your own?
    That’s a simple one. When you help other people, your judgment and common sense is not clouded by the emotions involved from the problem. This is not the case when you are trying to help yourself however.
    I apologize in advance if I’m way off target here.

  2. hiptip27 says:

    i think people can know you better than you know yourself
    you could ask your friends at SPU what they think of you
    plus i think the best way to handle the confusion of life at our age is not to worry about it but just know that it will get resolved the best way as long as you are in God
    things are still getting settled and you just have to feel them out
    (i think that’s what you were talking about)

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