Esprit de l'escalier

Here’s a fun little issue I thought you’d all enjoy. It’s concerning gender, that’s always exciting, right? Well, it’s a bit different, but I’ll let you decide if it’s interesting to you or not. But before you dive in, let me put a little disclaimer in my defense. Most of my responses were written late at night (or in the morning I guess) and are probably not as strong as they could be…I blame myself for that. But besides that, I’d also like to acknowledge right now that I’m well aware that I could sometimes be described as a stubborn (and sometimes confused) semi-feminist. With that said, read on my friends and please post your thoughts (appropriately of course 🙂

—–Original Message—–
From: Him
To: Me
Sent: 6/28/2003 12:18 AM
Subject: RE:

Sarah,
I appreciate and need the prayers… I am glad to hear of Xxx’s
testimony and of the opportunity that she will have to impact younger
girls. Does the baby have a man in her life? A grandpa maybe? I think
it is more than tragic when a girl grows up without strong male support,
affirmation, and love (I heard somewhere that girls need those
things…)
I do play the what if game sometimes but I know that the LORD has
exercised His sovereign grace in my life in ways that have made it
impossible for me to be anybody but who I am today and anywhere but
where I am today. I know that had He left my knee in one piece that I
would not be living the same life with the same focus that I am today
and I know that if He would have let me into the AF Acadmey that I would
not be the same man I am today. I find His gracious provision and
guidance abundant and unavoidable and I am so grateful for the place He
has brought me and for the life He has laid out before me… whether I
ever pin on wings or not.. In reference to our freedom of choice there
is a proverb that has always helped me understand the interaction
between His sovereignty and our freedom:
“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.”
Pr.16:9
God gives us freedom, but He is always God and if it were not for His
grace our lives would never be changed by the concepts of faith, hope
and love that now transform us as His children…. You know Sarah if
you want to talk any of this out just write and I’ll send you a
dissertation.
I thank you for your prayers, sister, and would appreciate you praying
for me on the woman front. I am pretty convinced that I need one.
I’m praying for you friend.

Lord of the heavens above and the earth below bless you now and forever,
Second Lieutenant Wxxxxxx

—–Original Message—–
From: Me
To: Him
Sent: 6/29/2003 1:35 AM
Subject: RE:

Jxxx,
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. Those are always
appreciated. I know that the LORD brought you into my life for a reason
and I thank Him for that. I just wanted to make a quick note concerning
the woman issue. I know you think you need one…but you can never be
satisfied. I am thoroughly convinced that man/woman ‘needs’ no one other
than GOD to be satisfied with life. I’m almost concerned on many levels
when I hear people say that they ‘need’ a significant other. I know that
the LORD places a need in man kind, but I don’t think that He intended
that need to be a crippling force if not fulfilled. I firmly believe
that a person can be content with nothing more than the love of our
Almighty God. My heart aches for nothing more than His ever-fulfilling
love. And I pray that I never need a man to fill that void because I
know that a man can never be as strong and reliable as my LORD God. Does
that make any sense? I know there has to be Scripture to back that up or
I would not believe it so firmly. Josh, I know you are a strong man and
that you do not ‘need’ a mere woman to be satisfied. Besides, I happen
to know that you have plenty of woman in your life. *wink wink*
Please do not let your loneliness impair your focus. Set your eyes on
Him and He will give you the desires (a.k.a. needs) of your heart. Trust
me…that’s how I have managed all these years. If anyone is so familiar
with loneliness, I would venture to say I could pass for next of kin,
hehe. My Dear Lt. I firmly believe that the LORD will bring your true
love into your life when you are least thinking about it and when you
have your eyes firmly locked on Him and Him alone. I’ve been praying for
you for a long time now, and I can honestly say that there has not been
a prayer lifted to the LORD that He has not answered with His best
intentions. Well, I think I’m done preaching now, haha. Sweet dreams Lt.
and may the LORD bless you always as you have been a blessing to me.

May your dreams always be sprinkled with peace, joy and wellness,
><>Sarah

—–Original Message—–
From: Him
To: Me
Sent: 6/30/2003 12:05 AM
Subject: you’re wrong I need one but you can keep trying to convince me

Sarah,
I need you to promise me something… or else give me a really good
reason why not. Here it is.. next time you and your Dad (by the way I
really like that guy) sit out on the porch together ask him if a man
needs a woman and see what he says (Gen.2:18).
But, back on topic… when I say that I need a wife I am not saying
that I am seeking satisfaction in a woman, this type of mindset is
pervasive among men especially in our culture… just watch a movie or
listen to Jimmy Eat World (hehe) and you will hear this type of hope for
satisfaction. My theology of satisfaction is still forming in many ways
but it is grounded in Ps.17:15
As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be
satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.
connect this to I John 3:2 which says:
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we
shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him;
for we shall see him as he is.
From these passages and others (which if you want I will be happy to
write you a disertation on the topic) I ascertain that satisfaction is
not in this life but the next. It will come at the resurrection. and
Sarah, I have tasted this restoration in prayer. When you study the
Genesis 1-3 text carefully in comparison to Rev.22 you find such
beautiful fellowship between Creator and creature. You see so clearly
how we were created for His pleasure (Rev.4:11) and how when we please
Him we are truly fulfilled. at those times we are tasting a life lived
in our telos (purpose). Sarah, I have seen the time in prayer where God
has poured out of me images from these passages as I prayed over men in
very personal ways that I believe actually touched my spirit. Sarah,
the LORD (I like your usage of YHWH in the email you sent me) and I have
sweet times together sometimes and I could never explain to anyone the
ways in which He has communicated with me and loved me in prayer and His
Word.. it is just so personal. Sarah, I know that you have experienced
this and that you consequently have a clear picture of what satisfaction
is all about. Thus, I must say that I agree with you. However, I beg
to differ that a man does not need a woman. I was built to take care of
a woman and to have a woman take care of me. I was built to live life
with a constant companion who shares a common calling with me and who
loves me just as I love her. I need someone to connect and communicate
with at a level and in a manner that I will share with no one else. I
need someone who needs me. I need someone who respects me. Sarah, you
have told me that what you are waiting for is to fall for some one. I
think what needs to happen for you to fall for someone is for you to see
someone who genuinely needs who God has made you to be and then for you
to be called to meet those needs. That is the connection that you have
not yet made. My advise is to wait for it and when the LORD brings it
don’t be afraid to embrace that calling… I know that you will shine
in that calling.
Sarah, I don’t claim to understand you:) but I know things about you
and one (only one) of the main reasons that I was after you so
persistently was because I thought that I could have a substantial
ministry in your life. I thought (and still do) think that you need
someone like me in your life. This is not a statement of domination or
of a position of power for a man over you. All I am saying is that you
need a husband’s love and I believe that I could perceive that in you.
I am not sure who this guy is or when the LORD will unite you with him,
but in my heart I know that you need him and that he needs you and that
you need to be needed by him… and so on.
One last question, what do you mean I have enough woman in my life???
Unless you are speaking of my dear-almost-departed Delilah I can not
think of anyone else and she and I had an argument the other day anyway.
But Big Dave and I had fun taking her out one last time with the tops
off.
Thanks for what you said about having me in your life. I know that I
stand before God for how I pursued you and I hope that I was and am a
good man to you, Sarah. It was and is my constant prayer when I think
of you. I asked God that whatever happened that you would not have a
broken heart and He definitely answered that one! You are genuinely
precious… and if you were mine I would have a lot more to say on the
topic. but anyways, I will be gone on the 1st so after that I am not
sure when I can write but I’ll respond as soon as I can. please do talk
to your Dad about this one.
Thank you for your sweet concern for me, Sarah… but I still think I’m
right and need really good Scriptural arguments to be dissuaded.

LORD bless you now and forever,
Josh

Josh,
I’m glad you got back to me so soon! I must admit, I don’t think I have had this much fun being stubborn toward anyone else 🙂 Especially on this issue, I think part of it is because I have confidence in the fact that you KNOW what you’re talking about and you give Scripture to back it up. Good job!

Let me attempt at least a weak come back. haha. So far in my studies I believe my strongest Scriptural support at this time is found in 1 Corinthians 7, starting in verse 32. (I love Paul; he’s probably as stubborn as I am when it comes to gender issues, hehe). I understand that a great deal of this is actually Paul’s opinion, but I also appreciate that he distinguishes his opinion from what he clearly describes as revelation from God. In verse 29 Paul explains why he reached the conclusions he came to. Oh, but first may I point out the second half of the first verse in ch. 7 – “It is good for a man not to marry.” Now, I understand that he is actually referring to the ‘intimate’ side of marriage, but still. (I know that’s a weak defense, which is why I’m going to glaze over that one, haha).

The main thread of my reasoning is basically parallel with Paul’s; and it’s clearly stated in verse 32 of chapter 7: “I would like you to be free from concern.” He continues in my vein starting with the second part of verse 34. “An unmarried woman or virgin (that’s me 🙂 is concerned with the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband (and I’ll admit the same scenario would happen if I were to have a boyfriend; LORD knows that I would be completely preoccupied with him). I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the LORD.”

Paul even states that he believes his opinions to be inspired by the Spirit of God at the end of verse 40. I’m not saying that to get married or date is wrong, but I’m just echoing Paul in my feeling at this time that it is not ‘necessary’ or a ‘need’. I mean, perhaps it is a need for some people who (like in 7:9) ‘burn with passion’. He is saying that both are ‘right’, it’s just that in his eyes, one seems to work out better than the other as far as serving the LORD in the field. I’ll admit sometimes I do long to be held and comforted; but I thank the LORD that He is always there to calm my heart and get my focus back on track. I know that my desire to serve Him far outweighs my desire for passion. Because my passion IS to serve Him. At least, that’s what I pray.

I also want to reassure you that I do understand the time frame which 1 Corinthians was written in (7:1). The city of Corinth was a wickedly idolatrous place. It was riddled with sin and filth of all kinds; but can we honestly say that the state Corinth was in at that time is much different from the world we live in today?

I’m confident that God is preparing an amazing man for me. And I am confident that sometime in my future God will bring him into my life and allow him to sweep me off my feet. I have no doubts. But my point is that when that happens, I will view it as I view all the other perks He has put in my life; as a blessing, not a necessity.

Perhaps it can be argued that the ‘types’ of love we are referring to are different…that the LORD provides us with a different type of love than a spouse. I agree. But I know that the affection of the LORD is far surpassing that of a man and I know that the attention of the LORD is something that I need, as opposed to the attention of a man, which is simply something I consider a desire. Does that make sense?

I’ve often wondered if I am just babbling in an attempt to justify my independence and unrelenting desire for nothing more than the love of my LORD Almighty. I know He has placed a desire in my heart, but I pray everyday that that desire does not blind me from seeking to satisfy my thirst for true Holy love.

Sure there are days when I could allow myself to rationalize that my earthly desires are a ‘need’. But like Paul talks about in chapter 6, verse 12:”Everything is permissible for me – but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me – but I will not be mastered by anything.”

Josh, am I out of line to think myself capable of being independent with the LORD’s love alone? Or am I just seeking justification for the ideas I have allowed the world to plant in my head? Perhaps I am simply in denial, haha. Probably only the good LORD Himself knows. Perhaps I am just battling my pride and my desire to live under that notorious illusion that I am in control of myself and my life. What would I be trying to prove with such insane notions? haha. I’m sure the LORD has an awesome lesson He’s trying to teach me through all of this…well, that is…IF I’m wrong. haha 🙂

As always, your thoughts and commentary are appreciated,
God bless,
><>Sarah

Song of Songs 3:5 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

And the drama continues *sigh*. Perhaps next time my rebuttles should be written before 3:30AM. hehe. Oh well, there’s always next time!