Esprit de l'escalier

I really don’t like being a girl sometimes. I feel so trapped. I can’t go anywhere or do anything because any number of the following can happen:

-I get jumped
-I get jumped and then raped
-I get raped and then have my head shaved and my hair sold.
-I get jumped, raped, have my head shaved, my hair sold and then I’m taken to another country and sold on the white slave market.

Or any combination of those things if not worse. But I want to get away soooo bad! Boys are so lucky, they can go anywhere and do practically anything they want and not have a care in the world.

I wish my dog was still around. I had so much freedom when I had my dog with me. I could go running by myself, I could have my quiet time at the park if I wanted to, I could take that dog anywhere. He was great company too. Golden Retrievers rock. I think everyone should have a golden retriever at least once in their life time. The only thing a dog can’t save you from is the horrible scriptural destiny of women. Don’t get me wrong, I love serving and all. But just the way people talk about it is so demeaning. I was talking to a friend today and he was saying something about how it’s funny that I don’t get emotional. I laughed and said, “Why should I get emotional?” and he said something to the effect of “because all women are emotional”. I gave him a look like “oh really?”…in other words, I encouraged him to go on and support his thesis. He simply said “You’ll get emotional…you’re a woman…you will get emotional and you will cry.” If there’s one thing that really really bugs the heck out of me, it’s statements like that. So cocky! Statements made in such confidence…like “I know you and you WILL do this”. Whatever! grrrrr…”know-it-all-jerks” make me so mad! Why do I waste my time listening? He said “you will serve a man…you’re a woman sarah, you are built for it.” I’m sitting there thinking…well if there’s one thing I know, I know I wasn’t built for you…JERK! Then he said something like…it says in the Bible that men were made for God and women were made FOR men. I know that’s what it says in 1 Corinthians 11, but I’m really struggling with this. I want to be made for God…not for man. Is this to be my soul purpose in life? To serve a man? I long to be with Christ, not a man. Sorry guys…no offense to you or anything…but that is not my heart’s desire. I’m not living to serve man, am I? Sadness. If this is really what God meant for me…it serves me right. How very humbling it is. I now understand how Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba and Mary felt. I only pray that I can fulfill a purpose as great as they did and seek God with that kind of strength and faith. That’s quite a load to think about, if you’re a woman. I tried to explain these concepts to my friend…and he said he understood, but I think he was just saying that to humor me. How is it that a woman can be worth far more than rubies…and yet feel so stinkin’ worthless. Perhaps I just needed to be humbled.
“What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses: I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”
“It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” (Romans 9:14-17)

I really don’t want to be caged. I want to be for the Lord…I want to serve Him. If that means serving a man, I will do it. But not because a man told me to…only because the Lord told me to.

By the way, I read this article in Newsweek…very interesting cover story. I would recommend finding a copy and checking it out.
http://store3.yimg.com/I/magazinecity_1740_13379391