“Kiss me, I’m Idealistic”

JarJarsfrogs: things in general seem to be working out- i can attribute that to the prayers of friends and family i think-
JarJarsfrogs: and really am hopeing that visiting you works out
PoluOwau: fo sho
JarJarsfrogs: can’t have you forgetting me now can I?
PoluOwau: of course not
PoluOwau: so what else is new?
JarJarsfrogs: hmmm… actually, I sent you a bit of an email about that today…
JarJarsfrogs: the schedule and business are not new
PoluOwau: oh, ok
PoluOwau: lemme read it
PoluOwau: or do you want me to wait?
JarJarsfrogs: now’s great:)
PoluOwau: hmmm, interesting
JarJarsfrogs: uh-oh
PoluOwau: you have the most unusual optimistic-pesimism
PoluOwau: haha
JarJarsfrogs: really-
JarJarsfrogs: too bad
JarJarsfrogs: i meant all optimism
PoluOwau: with ever positive statement you make, you follow it up with an ‘even though…’
PoluOwau: haha
PoluOwau: you’re a nut
PoluOwau: 🙂
JarJarsfrogs: like grace- you know the bad, but it makes reveling in the joy better
JarJarsfrogs: does that make sense
PoluOwau: I suppose
JarJarsfrogs: your right though- i’m a nut
PoluOwau: sort of like the whole ‘we wouldn’t appreciate the good without the bad’
JarJarsfrogs: sure
PoluOwau: somehow I believe that we all have the ability to experience true joy. the kind that blindes us to any sort of bad
JarJarsfrogs: or really just, I know that people expect me to complain for said reasons but I wont- because the good is better
JarJarsfrogs: its like giving in- not lying and saying we like everything but useing the good side
PoluOwau: you think it’s lying to always try to look at the good side?
JarJarsfrogs: it sounds funny- but it’s grace and it’s been my savior
JarJarsfrogs: no no
PoluOwau: have you ever been able to focus on simply the good in life?
PoluOwau: without regard to the bad
JarJarsfrogs: not lying to look at the good sid- thats admirable- it’s jsut fake to think that the bad doesn’t exist
PoluOwau: you can be aware of the negative without always addressing it
JarJarsfrogs: before college i think i always looked at the good
PoluOwau: if you don’t do that sometimes, it can get discouraging
PoluOwau: I’m not so sure of that
JarJarsfrogs: im headed that way again- your right the bad does not always have to be addressed
PoluOwau: but that’s just from my perspective
PoluOwau: I practically have a sign hanging around my neck that says ‘kiss me, I’m Idealistic’
JarJarsfrogs: but i think on some level it is freeing to size up the bad and say “take that” the Lord has covered you and i can be happy
JarJarsfrogs: maybe its just that i’m coming out of a time when i gave into the bad…
PoluOwau: that’s understandable…but it’s hard to say that the Lord has truely covered it up if you keep lifting the sheet to remind yourself it’s there
PoluOwau: that could be it too
JarJarsfrogs: your so right about that
PoluOwau: *smile* I have my moments
PoluOwau: don’t get used to them…they come and go
PoluOwau: hehe
JarJarsfrogs: your right about the sign on your neck too…

To:Sarah Decker
Date:Wed, 05 Feb 2003 12:51:40 -0600 (CST)
hello Sarah,
Just a little email to let you know that I’m thinking about you and praying for you (naturally). I’ve been praying about some things-you know the usual: future, relationships, God’s will, broken appendages, grace to carry on, and the like- and God granted me peace again. I think that I live without peace too often. How dare I walk outside and face the day without a song in my heart and trust in the Lord- funny thought I guess, but really- who do I think that I am? It seems strange the random ways that God brings peace and the little revelations that help us (well- better speak for myself), that help me to grow with God. Sure there are plenty of things to worry about, if I let myself. But there is also the myriad blessings of God. For example I have a great family that i love even if they did “fill me with the faults they had and add some extra just for me” (take that Phillip Larkin). I have friends who care about me even if they are, as a rule, crass, inconsiderate, obstinate snobs- around school anyway. And I have Wheaton college even if I often feel like a failure here and the weather is terrible. And I have the Army and the stability of scholarships and a job in the future even though it’s hard to understand why God called me to it and I hate the idea of killing. I thank the Lord for you Sarah even though you cannot trust me now. I have grace even though it hurts my pride to accept it. I have the means to live even though they seem sparse. And I have health and life even though the world is in chaos and there is pain all around- and my body has it’s pains too. It is beautiful to lay at the Lord’s feet again and revel in His grace. To be my own self- in Him- as I have been, even though I lost myself for a time and groveled in a dark space. I thank the Lord for all those things and I thank you. You reminded me, albeit unintentionally, of good things that I had forgotten. And having now found them again I feel made a-new. The Lord knows what He is at. So thanks again for being there for me when I needed it. “The path back to the real” as it were. How does it feel to be God’s “tool” when you were just trying to live normally? I hope it’s grand. Have a wonderful afternoon.


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