Esprit de l'escalier

*This is an email I wrote to a friend because I hadn’t updated my lj for a while and he wanted to know what was going on…so to make things easy I just cut and paste…this email is from the 26th. I know it is still from a while ago, but hey…It’s a start!*

Hey Xxxxx!
(Haven’t I called you that before? I could have sworn I have before, oh well). I’m glad to get an email from you! Makes me feel loved *grin*.
Life has been crazy. I’ve hardly had any time to just chill and chat online. I’ve been trying to fight for some time to update my journal. But the truth is I hardly know where to begin. So much has happened, especially last night. Well, let me see….I’ll try to start from the beginning (and perhaps if this stream of consciousness comes out good, then I can maybe copy and paste it into my journal…selectively of course. haha)
Thursday was crazy! I had the day off and I got up reasonably early to clean the house because one of the girls is really allergic to cats so I had to completely de-fur everything! It wasn’t so bad because our house desperately needed a good cleaning. The only bummer was that the vacuum that we normally use to de-fur the couch broke so I had to clean it by hand which took forever. I needed to go grocery shopping but I was hesitant to leave just yet because I was still waiting for some confirmation calls from the girls I had called earlier and left messages on their answering machines. Furthermore, I had received a call from my friend Jxx W. who needed a ride to the blood bank because he had to have blood drawn for a surgery he is going to have in a few days. He couldn’t drive himself because when you have that much blood drawn you get really light-headed and weak and it’s just not safe. I couldn’t leave him hanging so I ran out and picked up some groceries, a birthday present for Angela (she just turned 13 that day!), and checked at A&F for my schedule (which wasn’t ready but they told me to come in today from 8-12 tonight anyway, blah). Then I hurried back home to meet up with Jxx and check the messages. Bolted out the door to the blood bank and got there right at 4:30pm. Girls would be showing up for the sleep-over at 6pm, so I had to hurry. We ended up sitting at that place for a half hour before they got him set up and then the lady told me that the overall process was going to take at least 45 min! I wouldn’t make it back in time, but God always provides! Loreanne called me on my cell phone while I was waiting and thank the Lord she wasn’t busy! She drove over and met the girls and explained to the parents why I was running late. Such a blessing! And she stayed over night as well to help me out with the girls.
I got home with Jxx at around 6:30 or so and he still couldn’t drive home so I gave him some food and let him sit and talk to the girls for a while. He knows a lot of them because he coaches the volleyball team at their school and he is on staff with me at church. He goes in for surgery to have his large intestine removed on the 30th, so keep him in your prayers.
The rest of the night went great, we watched movies and ate pizza and junk food. Angela’s mother brought a birthday cake for her too and the girls also brought some of their favorite games like Life and Twister. We got to bed around 4am and woke up the next morning to watch another movie and play some games before their parents picked them up around noon. I had the rest of Friday off as well, so after cleaning up the house, Loreanne and I went and played tennis for the rest of the afternoon. It felt soooooo nice to be on a court again! We had so much fun goofing off and we were cracking up when trucks drove by whistling at us! haha. We came back home, took nice hot showers and got on some comfortable clothes and watched one of the new movies my dad brought home the other day.
The Polings came over like they do almost every Friday night and so we ended up watching MORE movies while my mom and Judy Poling gossiped and scrap booked. Loreanne went home and finally I fell asleep while watching some of the bonus material on the Lord of the Rings DVD.
Saturday I had a rude awakening from my mother which I am not going to talk about, but it sort of set an odd tone for the day. I went and had a manicure and a pedicure and I also got a chance to talk with my roommate because she called! I miss her, so it was good to hear her voice again and see how she was doing. I then came home to finish cleaning a few things carefully. My friend Txx came and picked me up and he took me out to Half Moon Bay. On the way to Half Moon Bay we stopped at the office to say hi to my dad and brother and we ended up staying there and talking for quite a while. My dad and bro were working in the office all day Saturday painting and installing surveillance cameras. When we finally got to Half Moon Bay we ended up just driving around for a while. It was nice to just relax and look out at the beaches. We went up and down the coast debating which beach to stop at and if it was really practical to chill on the beach when the weather was so cold. Then Txx took me to get dinner at this cute little café, but it turned out that the kitchen was closed and all they were serving was hot beverages and desert. So I had a bit of pie and hot chocolate for dinner. (Later I had left-overs to justify a meal) We sat for a long time in the café and talked. Overall, we didn’t talk very much that night, but the cool thing about it was that the silence was never awkward. So after finding out that all the beaches were closed, we drove back to Castro Valley, went to the video store and rented ‘A Walk To Remember’, stopped by his house to pick up a t-shirt and some cds and chat with his parents a bit. Then we went back to my house where we watched the movie and burned some cds. Then he went home and I just laid on my couch…all sprawled out and tried to process everything. Txx had brought up the issue of dating a few times that evening and the air of discussion got pretty thick a few times as well. But I feel God helped me handle it really well, Txx is an understanding guy, so it wasn’t as bad as it potentially could have been.
I didn’t go to sleep until about 2am and then I got up the next morning to head to church. One of my favorite people spoke at the service that day. Jxxx Mxxxxx. I grew up with him and he was also the high school pastor for my church and a very dear friend. He gave a message from Matthew 25:14ff about avoiding missed opportunities. He discussed different lessons from the parable in Matthew like why aren’t all people equally talented and stuff. I learned a lot.
Another strange thing about yesterday was how many people I ran into that were from my past. It turns out that a dear friend was visiting from Mexico. His name is Israel and I met him during a mission trip to Chalco and Mexico City. It was great to see him again as well as a few other friends that I had grown close to from that mission trip. But it was after I gave Israel a hug and turned around to talk to one of my Bible study girls that I saw someone I never expected to see. His name is Jxxxx and he and I have been close friends ever since I can remember. Our families are friends and we grew up in the church together. He was dating one of my friends Mxxxxxx for a really long time and only a little while after they broke up, she got engaged to another friend. Mxxxxxx was the only girl Jxxxx had ever dated and their relationship was just amazing. But it was for that reason that Jxxxx just about fell to pieces when Mxxxxxx broke up with him. Anyhow…Jxxxx is like a brother to me and we have kept in touch a bit, but last I had heard from him he was helping out a children’s ministry in Russia. I later found out that he had been home for the past 3 weeks. The sad part of this all is that he left to go back to Wheaton College in Illinois today! But I thank the Lord for the time that we had together yesterday. After church we went and got deli sandwiches at Katie Lu’s deli (an old favorite). We sat and caught up a bit and then decided to go see what was playing at the theater. I had to stop at home first to let my parents know what was going on and also so they could see Jxxxx and catch up before he left the next day. We saw Road to Perdition at the Hacienda and then had dinner at Fuddruckers. We talked forever…it was so nice! We used to hang out and talk about random stuff all the time, especially in high school. Jxxxx is another one of my friends, like Loreanne, who has the ability to put into the perfect words exactly what’s on my mind. It trips me out every time!!! From there we decided to go back to my place and chill for a while before I took him home and we had to say our goodbyes. We talked with my dad for a long time. My dad has always liked Jxxxx. He is one of the only guys that my dad trusts to look out for me. Mainly because he was one of the guys in my dad’s Sunday school class at church. For the rest of the night we played chess, watched Harry Potter and talked…I didn’t want the night to end. But he had to pack and I had to get up early for work in the morning, so finally I broke down and took him home. Jxxxx is also one of those people I hate having to say goodbye to because I never know when I’ll hear from him again, or if I’ll ever hear from him again. The day I heard he was going into ROTC was one of the saddest days of my life…and now with the direction the world is going in…I fear for the lives of many close friends and family who could be called to service at any time. I didn’t get to sleep until after 3am that night…I’d know the moment I saw Jared that day that it was going to be a long evening. With the way we talk, it always is.
Thus, here I am at work once again. I’m sad, but yet I’m still happy to know that Jxxxx and my other friends are doing well. Plus, I’m excited because Loreanne and I are going to try and play tennis every Friday. Which is something I need, I feel incredibly out of shape and I miss the courts.
Tonight I have to work an overnight shift at A&F, which is not bad. I think I might enjoy working there again. Unfortunately the sadness of goodbyes and the strange reminiscence of old times hangs thick in the air like the smell of burnt toast in the winter. You want it to fade so you can move on, but you don’t want to open too many windows to let it out for the fear of letting the cold air in. But I suppose we all have to let times change and air circulate eventually, it just gets harder and harder to deal with the chill, especially when you are starting to get comfortable again with the air of the moment you were in.

*Okay, yea…that was a long email, hehe. But I have to add one more thing that was interesting. The message that Jxxx gave about ‘Avoiding Missed Opportunities’ had a huge impact on my actions the rest of time up until this very moment. I’ll tell you about those later…but one big moment that it affected was when I spent the rest of that Sunday with Jxxxx. I actually had three other invitations to go to lunch that day, but when I thought about it…I knew that I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to hang out with such a dear friend that I hardly ever get to see. There was another huge moment that day which was affected by the sermon…but I can’t reveal that now, because I would have to kill you. But I can tell you this much, it caused me to do and say some things I would not have normally even considered! Crazy! hehe*