Esprit de l'escalier

Alright, here’s a quick update of my commuting experiences. For those of you who are new…I have a job that requires me to make a commute that ranges anywhere from 1 to 2 hours one way every morning. (I know it’s ridiculous…but on occasion, it makes for some great stories.) Anyhow, back to the story. I drive an ’95 Explorer Sport… it’s super cute and I love it, but if you have any knowledge of the cars made in ’95, you’ll probably agree with me that ‘cup holders’ were simply a place for loose change because Lord knows they couldn’t have possibly been made to hold cups. For this reason, if I ever do take a beverage in the car it usually has a screw on lid – which limits me to mostly bottled drinks. This morning I had a bottled water in my car and it was nice and cold from being left in the car the night before. It was completely full minus one sip I had taken the previous day. I was trying to open it while stuck in somewhat stop-and-go traffic, which normally isn’t such a task for me except that the lid was kinda stuck or something – so I was struggling a bit. Finally the lid twisted off with a jerk and I was relieved that I could finally return my complete attention to the road and the super expensive Lexus in front of me. The only problem was that when the lid came off, it flew off and went between the side of my seat and the console. I really needed to have two hands on the wheel and I couldn’t do that if I had one hand on the wheel and the other occupied by a bottle simply because I have retarded cup holders. Oh, and if you are wondering what makes these cup holders useless: they are too shallow to hold anything up and they are too big around to hold anything in place – in fact, I’d say that calling it a coaster would be a fair description. Traffic was getting more and more congested but the speed was picking up and my exit was a few miles away. I tried to put the bottle between my legs but I had a skirt on and I couldn’t. So naturally, in my desperation I pull my skirt up so I could put the bottle tightly and safely between my legs until I could retrieve the lid. So you’re thinking to yourself…”Alright, no big deal…no one can see right?” WRONG! First of all, the bottle was extremely cold and a little wet – so it was really uncomfortable and I was desperately trying not to squirm too much. But the worst part was the fact that while I was in the process of figuring out my dilemma and keep an eye on the expensive car in front of me, two big trucks with like 12″ lifts pulled up on either side of me and were watching the whole thing!!! I was soooo embarrassed! So yea, that’s my Commuter Luck for the day and once again I come out of my experience eager to share the pearls I have gained. Here they are: Commutes are STUPID, cup holders are POINTLESS and guys are SHAMELESS.