Esprit de l'escalier

So I’ve been having super weirdo dreams lately…more weird than usual. (More on this later if I remember.)
I had this one dream the other night that I just now remembered. I was in the Muppet Babies’ nursery, kind of watching from the sidelines. The kids’ antics are funny, I’ll admit that. But then I tried to talk to the nanny lady. I kept trying to interview her for a Falcon article and I was asking things like, “How do you not notice that these kids are animals? I don’t mean ‘animal’ as in ‘ferrel’ I mean animal as in ‘she’s a pig and he’s a frog’.” But she just refused to acknowlegde that the muppets were in fact baby animals. *sigh* I don’t really know what that means in ‘dream-speak’, but whatever…it was funny to think about in the morning.

Speaking of which, it’s strange to me how the mind can focus on such random thoughts when trying to avoid thinking about something else. (hence, my muppet dream). It’s kind of like that cleaning impulse that comes over you when you’re avoiding homework, etc. I feel like that’s kind of where I’m at now with this book. I’ve been working so hard to try and finish the profile section…I figure if I take this a section at a time it won’t become so overwhelming. But the more I focus on it the harder it is to actually write and then my mind, like a curious child in a grocery store, starts to wander. I kind of wish I could get one of those Play School leash things for my brain…so that it doesn’t wander off again…or if it does I can just pull it back.

In other procrastination news: Last week it really hit me that I’m not a student anymore. I mean, I knew this before, and I even missed SPU before I officially graduated. But now the sting is setting in. I miss the guidance and knowledge that I got from the theology classes and literature classes. I miss that spark of enlightenment that comes from reading something I would never have thought to read. I miss the research and investigation that I was allowed to do while working for The Falcon. I miss the late night retreats I’d take by myself to spend time with God under the stars, (I know I could do this now but not with the same feeling of security. Because it’s not on campus, it’s different.) I miss the late night talks with my roommate, the 7-11 runs for hot choco, walks to the canal or to Ophelia’s Books in Fremont. I miss spending hours in the art center with my music and an entire studio at my disposal. I feel like such a nerd for saying this…but I miss sitting in a small (or cozy depending on how you look at it) dorm room or apartment with inadaquate lighting reading a book until the wee hours of the morning and having a good excuse to do so.
I think what I really miss is the acountability and the structured life. You had a list of things to accomplish and a handful of sage-like people with an abundance of grace helping you do it. Life was beautiful then.

Okay, back to work. Peace!