 |
You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn’t want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix.
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 |
So I’ve been having super weirdo dreams lately…more weird than usual. (More on this later if I remember.)
I had this one dream the other night that I just now remembered. I was in the Muppet Babies’ nursery, kind of watching from the sidelines. The kids’ antics are funny, I’ll admit that. But then I tried to talk to the nanny lady. I kept trying to interview her for a Falcon article and I was asking things like, “How do you not notice that these kids are animals? I don’t mean ‘animal’ as in ‘ferrel’ I mean animal as in ‘she’s a pig and he’s a frog’.” But she just refused to acknowlegde that the muppets were in fact baby animals. *sigh* I don’t really know what that means in ‘dream-speak’, but whatever…it was funny to think about in the morning.
Speaking of which, it’s strange to me how the mind can focus on such random thoughts when trying to avoid thinking about something else. (hence, my muppet dream). It’s kind of like that cleaning impulse that comes over you when you’re avoiding homework, etc. I feel like that’s kind of where I’m at now with this book. I’ve been working so hard to try and finish the profile section…I figure if I take this a section at a time it won’t become so overwhelming. But the more I focus on it the harder it is to actually write and then my mind, like a curious child in a grocery store, starts to wander. I kind of wish I could get one of those Play School leash things for my brain…so that it doesn’t wander off again…or if it does I can just pull it back.
In other procrastination news: Last week it really hit me that I’m not a student anymore. I mean, I knew this before, and I even missed SPU before I officially graduated. But now the sting is setting in. I miss the guidance and knowledge that I got from the theology classes and literature classes. I miss that spark of enlightenment that comes from reading something I would never have thought to read. I miss the research and investigation that I was allowed to do while working for The Falcon. I miss the late night retreats I’d take by myself to spend time with God under the stars, (I know I could do this now but not with the same feeling of security. Because it’s not on campus, it’s different.) I miss the late night talks with my roommate, the 7-11 runs for hot choco, walks to the canal or to Ophelia’s Books in Fremont. I miss spending hours in the art center with my music and an entire studio at my disposal. I feel like such a nerd for saying this…but I miss sitting in a small (or cozy depending on how you look at it) dorm room or apartment with inadaquate lighting reading a book until the wee hours of the morning and having a good excuse to do so.
I think what I really miss is the acountability and the structured life. You had a list of things to accomplish and a handful of sage-like people with an abundance of grace helping you do it. Life was beautiful then.
Okay, back to work. Peace!
In an effort to cheer up my sad sad head, I’ve started thinking about things I’m looking forward to:
*Tomorrow: Miranda is coming over tomorrow for lasanga and MST 3000. Woo hoo!
*Scott’s movie night in a week and a half.
*Cassie’s next movie night. (hooray for Office Space!)
*Thanksgiving
*Christmas with family.
*Christmas shopping!
*Finishing the book and starting the next job that God lines up for me.
*Finding out what job God has lined up for me.
*The next time I can meet with my writer’s group.
*The moment I can spend an entire day painting without an ominous cloud of tasks and to-do’s lingering above my head.
*Watching the rest of Firefly.
*Shopping for my apartment
*Having money to shop for my apartment
*Laying out my next portrait project.
*Having a party at my apartment once it’s all prettied up.
*Chronicles of Narnia
And other things I can’t think of right now.
I keep playing it over in my head, and I’m still not sure what happened. What I am pretty sure of, however, is that today was one of the worst days of my life. I know I could deceive myself into thinking that it wasn’t as bad as it felt, but I think the worst thing I could do at this point is lie to myself.
Today the mayor looked at what I had and said, more or less, that he was disappointed that I wasn’t completely finished yet. He said some other things too…but that’s the skinny or it.
The most difficult part to swallow is the fact that this job is only half as hard as what I was trained for. This is supposed to be cake…this is supposed to be what I love, what I live for, my dream. The deadlines aren’t as heavy, the pressure is still there…but it’s a different kind. I thought this was where I was supposed to thrive. I was convinced that this kind of job was my niche. But now that I look back, I’m not so sure. It’s like I need to stop and really take an inventory again of what I’m good at; only because what I’ve done so far, I don’t think I’ve done very well.
I feel like all the props I have been given to this point are about as valuable as little league trophies (the ones they hand out after a pizza party to celebrate the fact that you were a “team”, because the season wasn’t worth the celebration.) Those are the awards that everyone gets regardless of how hard they worked or what they accomplished.
I don’t like being upset, especially with myself…I’m no good at it. I just know that I could have done better. I need to do better.
On a brighter note, God is good. I am confident He’ll work this out and save my butt AGAIN. However, I wouldn’t blame Him if this time He let me reap a bit of what I’ve sown.
In other news, a pair of kittens would be really nice to have about now. Kittens make me smile.
Something else that made me smile was a message from my friend that he was writing haikus…at work. :)Rock on.
Sooooo….amidst my stress I’ve managed to remember that tomorrow is Halloween (okay, so I actually forgot until now.) I still plan on going trick-or-treating for non-perishable foods for foodbanks. I’m not sure what time and I’m not sure who’s going and I forgot to distribute the flyers and paper bags today (so I’ll be doing it tomorrow if anyone wants to come with me.)
If you want to go CONTACT ME ASAP!!!!
It’s for a good cause and I promise you people will still give you candy. It’ll be fun!
Wow…it always astounds me how it can feel like you’ve been going a zillion miles an hour and still feel like you haven’t gotten anywhere. The book still isn’t finished, although it’s on its way there and Loreanne and Jesse are gone *sniffle*. (But I must say I’m glad to have my bed back. Old women don’t do well on hard floors.)
Hello friends,
Just wanted to let yall know that I’m coming home weekend after next for a family reunion in Calistoga. So I won’t be available that Saturday…but Friday and Sunday I’d love to see you if you’re around!
Mark your calendars!
American Cities That Best Fit You: |
| 65% Los Angeles |
| 60% San Francisco |
| 60% Washington, DC |
| 55% Philadelphia |
| 55% Seattle |
American Cities That Best Fit You: |
| 65% Los Angeles |
| 60% Honolulu |
| 60% Miami |
| 60% Seattle |
| 60% Washington, DC |
Book status: almost, but not quite complete. A few more wrinkles to iron out and words to be had.
Job status: still at Hunts Point until…well, until the book is done or they tell me to pack up my desk and move on. (the tentative date is Nov. 5)
Living situation: Just put a deposit on the most gorgeous, spacious, “perfect-for-me-and-my-new-roommate” apartment at an Avalon complex in Redmond. (Thank you sweet Lord for taking care of me!) (P.S. Before you know it I’ll be hosting Alphabet movie nights!)
Spider status: One colony eradicated, another discovered this evening by the utensils tin on the kitchenette counter. Soon to be “taken care of.”
Relationship status: Kyle and I are living strong. Amen.
Kitten status: *sniffle* Not yet. (But I know it’s for the best *sigh*)
Friends status: Another wedding executed with grace and style. Congratulations to Mr. Adam-Ross and Sarah Louis Florence Branch!
Side note: The bridesmaids and I had a riveting discussion about baby names. We feel that Polly Ana Branch, Holly Ana Branch, Perching Ana Branch (“Perch” for short), Leif Branch, Autumn Cherry Branch (or perhaps just Cherry), Seymour Branch, are all quality names. Naturally there were several more, but please feel free to let your imagination run on its own.
Also under the friends category, Loreanne and Jesse – I can’t wait to see you! Rosie Thomas is going to rock our faces off!
Mind/Body status: Tired.
