Esprit de l'escalier

I’m in one of those moods where I’m questioning my place in life. I know it’s probably (partially) due to the fact that I’m tired, over-worked, sore/injured and hungry…but still, it has me writing a post that I’ll probably take down in a couple hours.

Kyle sent me a job opportunity via email. No…I haven’t lost the job I have now…he just randomly started looking for me. The job I have now is fine, I’m learning a lot about stuff that doesn’t really apply at all to what I went to school for…but it pays the bills. It makes me a bit sad to think that I fell into that trap – the trap that they warned us about at graduation, “A large percentage of people graduate and take jobs that are outside their field…blah blah blah.”

The thing is, I feel like I’m too rusty to ever take a writing job again. I haven’t really written anything worth publishing in years. Granted I am still “young” and “trainable”, but with the economy the way it is, and with my interests the way they are…I doubt there is really a job out there that would both hold interest and provide a big enough pay check.

Side note: getting a house really messes with your priorities…a pay check didn’t really matter to me until we got a house and I actually needed to earn a certain amount of money. But it’s worth it. And our house looks awesome! We’ve come a long way.

I’m probably just having confidence issues…that must be it. I’ve grown comfortable in my routine (of not having a routine) and I’m afraid I won’t have the discipline or creativity to blossom in writing again.

Isn’t that ironic? I manage the critique groups for the Northwest Christian Writer’s Association, and yet I haven’t submitted anything for critique since I started. What kind of leader am I? I’m like an overweight PE teacher. “Run five laps kids while I sit here and eat my donut.”

Well, enough whining for now. Back to work. If you got this far, thanks for reading!