Disappointment
I keep playing it over in my head, and I’m still not sure what happened. What I am pretty sure of, however, is that today was one of the worst days of my life. I know I could deceive myself into thinking that it wasn’t as bad as it felt, but I think the worst thing I could do at this point is lie to myself.
Today the mayor looked at what I had and said, more or less, that he was disappointed that I wasn’t completely finished yet. He said some other things too…but that’s the skinny or it.
The most difficult part to swallow is the fact that this job is only half as hard as what I was trained for. This is supposed to be cake…this is supposed to be what I love, what I live for, my dream. The deadlines aren’t as heavy, the pressure is still there…but it’s a different kind. I thought this was where I was supposed to thrive. I was convinced that this kind of job was my niche. But now that I look back, I’m not so sure. It’s like I need to stop and really take an inventory again of what I’m good at; only because what I’ve done so far, I don’t think I’ve done very well.
I feel like all the props I have been given to this point are about as valuable as little league trophies (the ones they hand out after a pizza party to celebrate the fact that you were a “team”, because the season wasn’t worth the celebration.) Those are the awards that everyone gets regardless of how hard they worked or what they accomplished.
I don’t like being upset, especially with myself…I’m no good at it. I just know that I could have done better. I need to do better.
On a brighter note, God is good. I am confident He’ll work this out and save my butt AGAIN. However, I wouldn’t blame Him if this time He let me reap a bit of what I’ve sown.
In other news, a pair of kittens would be really nice to have about now. Kittens make me smile.
Something else that made me smile was a message from my friend that he was writing haikus…at work. :)Rock on.
