Esprit de l'escalier

As always, a lot has been going on. Kyle and I are doing well, despite the turbulance of Israel’s recent proposals and persistence. In case you missed it…a few weeks ago Israel called and explained his love for me and proposed (over the phone). I respectfully said “no”. And he proposed again. I said “no” again. He told me that he knew he could win my love in seven days. (When I told Kyle about this he said “Great, so during this 10 day trip, he’s going to make you fall in love with him by the seventh day and then use the remaining three days to plan the wedding! *he was very irrate at this point*)
When I told him no again, Israel said I should at least take time to think and pray about it. I told him I didn’t think it’d be very respectful to my boyfriend (whom I love very much) to be thinking about such things. He said he’d call me at the end of the week and ask me if God had changed my heart or revealed anything else to me.
The next day he emailed me:

——————————————————————————–
From: israel casillas [mailto:israelcasillas80@yahoo.com.mx]
Sent: Thu 8/4/2005 5:33 PM
To: Decker, Sarah; SARAH DECKER
Subject: I WAS

HI SARAH WERE YOU THINKING IN WHAT WE WERE TALKING YESTERDAY?????

I WAS

::::you too::::: I KNEW IT

….THAT ´S A GOOD SIGN

PS. CAN I GET YOUR NEW MAIL ADRESS

MY PROPOSAL STILL??????? YOU JUST NEED TO BELIVE.

****I responded to his email (after much prayer and reflection):

“Decker, Sarah” escribió:
Hi Israel,
I have been thinking about what we talked about and I have prayed about it too. I’m sorry but my answer is still no. You are a sweet, Godly man and I respect you so much for that. But I do not feel that God is calling us to be a couple. I thank the Lord for your friendship and I value it very much. I don’t ever want to loose that. And since you are such a good friend to me I know you will understand what I must say next. I don’t think it would be right for me to go on the trip with you. I was really looking forward to it and I wanted to go. But I feel that it would be disrespectful to my boyfriend and that it wouldn’t be right now that I know of your feelings. I do not want to hurt you and I know that spending that kind of time with you would make it harder to accept my answer. Israel, you are such a joy to me. You make me smile and laugh and I thank the Lord for the happiness I find in our friendship. But as a good sis ter in Christ, I want to do what I feel is best for both of us. This is very hard for me and I know you understand that. I know you have so many more friends who will jump at the chance to go on the trip with you and I know you will still have a lot of fun. Please forgive me my friend and understand why I must say these things. I pray that the Lord will continue to bless you and your ministry as you have always been a blessing to me. Peace.

><>Your sister in Christ and friend always,
Sarah

****He responded to my email yesterday:

HI SARAH:

THANKS SARAH TO WROTE ME IN A SWEET WAY TO SAY “NO”.
THERE IS NO PROBLEM FOR ME I´M OK I´M NOT SAD AND I´M NOT MAD WITH YOU AND I REALLY WANT TO KEEP YOUR FRIENDSHIP IF YOU WANT.
ACTUALLY THIS ANSWER IS A SING .
A REALLY LIKE THE WAY THAT YOU REPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT´S WHY I LIKE YOU. ( BE LIKE THAT ALLWAYS)

ANYWAY I CAN WAIT FOR YOU.

LET ME TELL YOU:

I WAS NOT GOING TO ASK YOU TO LIVE IN MEXICO . WE CAN LIVE IN USA.
I CAN BE AS AMERICAN AS YOU …IF YOU TEACH ME.
I STILL SURE THAT WE CAN BE HAPPY.
I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY IF YOU ARE SAD.
I WANT TO HELP YOU IN HARD MOMENTS.
I WANT TO CRY WITH YOU.
I WANT TO LAUGH WITH YOU.
I WANT TO TEACH YOU… AND I WANT TO LEARN FROM YOU.

I WOULD LIKE TO BE A SUPPORT IN YOUR PROFESSION IN YOUR CALLING.

I WOULD LIKE TO CARE ABOUT YOUR SPIRIT AND SOUL.
I WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO BE A BEST PERSON EVERY DAY.
I WOUL LIKE TO ENCOURANGE YOU TO GROW IN CHRIST.

I KNOW IS YOU… AND INSIDE YOU , YOU KNOW THE SAME.
WE ARE A COMPLEMENT. WE JUST NEED TIME.

I DON´T WANT YOU TO FEEL UNCONFORTABLE SO I´M NOT GOING TO TALK MORE ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE TIME COMES.
IT IS OK IF YOU DON´T COME TO THE TRIP, YOU HAVE ME LIKE A FRIEND AND A TRIP IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE THAT.

I WAS GOING TO SEND YOU I CARD WITH I POEM THAT I LIKED, BUT I DON´T HAVE YOUR ADDRESS I KNOW YOU WILL NOT SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS IN ORDER TO RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND…THAT´OK FOR ME , BUT I TRANLATED THE POEM FOR YOU … SO IS YOURS.

HERE THERE IS:

WHEN THE MOMENT COMES, WE WILL BE TOGETHER.

SOMETIMES IN THE MIDST OF LONELINESS
IT IS DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER THAT SOMEWHERE
SOMEBODY LOVES ME.

SOMEONE LOVES ME ONLY FOR WHO I AM,
NOT FOR WHAT SHE BELIVES I MUST BE,
NOR FOR WHAT SHE THINKS SHE CAN MAKES OF ME,

BUT INLY FOR WHO I AM.

I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES IT IS DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT
BEING SO FAR AWAY
AND SEEING EACH OTHER SO RARELY

YET I MUST BELIVE THAT,
WHEN THE MOMENT COMES
FOR US TO BE TOGETHER
NOTHING
OR NO ONE
WILL DRAW US APART.

AND YOU MY LOVE, ARE CONSTANTLY WITH ME
IN MY DREAMS,
IN MY PLANS
IN EVERYTHING I DO.

BUT FURTHERMORE, YOU´RE IN MY HEART,
AND THAT MY LOVE
IS SOMETHING THAT NO DISTANCE WHATSOEVER
WILL BE ABLETOIPEDE.

P. HOLLEMAN.

****So here I am now, much stronger for my recent experiences. I seriously think it’s just the season…love is in the air, etc. etc. I’m still processing it all. He has a big heart and I’m wondering if maybe Israel’s culture is also a big part of it. Kyle hasn’t been able to let it go. He wants to erase Israel from the face of the earth. He feels that it was wrong of Israel to say and ask the things that he did despite the fact that he knew all along that I was with someone else. I’m not sure who is right. Israel said that he doesn’t feel it’s wrong to ask because technically I’m not “taken” (engaged or married). Which is true. But that begs the question…what exactly does it mean to be “dating”? Besides being in an exclussive dating relationship…what lines come with that? Would you still persue someone even if they were with someone else? Friends, I’d love to get your feedback. What do you think?