Esprit de l'escalier

I cried when he left…well actually it was about an hour after I dropped him off at the airport. It wasn’t a sobbing-kind of cry. It was kind of like crying at the movies. It’s a watery-eyed (almost obligatory) kind of cry. Although, in the movies you don’t have any sort of personal connection with the actors, but you still feel moved and somehow sad. Of course, in my particular situation I did have attachments to the dearly departed (or rather, temporarily departed). I miss him, but I also feel a sense of relief. I know that my brother wasn’t too fond of him and my dad wasn’t very impressed either. There were a few moments where my mom and Alex had a serious “exchange” of words, but thankfully that ended on a good note. But the feedback I’ve received from friends and family who have met him hasn’t been top-notch. As a matter of fact, it’s sad…but I don’t think anyone I know (with a warranted opinion) that spent a good deal of time with him…came away raving about him.
I’m not sure what to think. I’m afraid that I am just making excuses and justifying the relationship. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think I need some more time to pray about it and turn things over in my head.
Right now I’m at Josh and Heather’s place. I couldn’t be home alone. The house still held the scent of Alex’s cologne from when he sprayed it after his shower. It made me sad to walk in the house after dropping him off and smelling him. I think what bothers me most is that our good-by was really short. (You know how airport traffic at the drop-off and pick-up curb can be…ew). So anyway, I’m spending the night here (Josh’s place) and I’m going to church with them tomorrow. I also dropped my parents off at the airport this morning at 7:30 (yuck!).
I talked with my brother over dinner tonight. He had a lot to say about Alex. Apparently him and my dad talked about him yesterday. He said my dad compares most of the guys I date to Tim, Quinn or Brad. Tim (my brother tells me) is the high bar in my dad’s opinion. Quinn is my brother’s favorite (side note: I talked to him briefly tonight…he’s doing well. He was at the store with his gf and from what I’ve heard so far, they’ve hit it off pretty well!) and Brad is my mom’s ideal match for me. (Well, he used to be…I’m not sure who is at the top of her list right now). As far as Alex’s status in my dad and brother’s books…he falls a bit short of the mark.
I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think. I bet I’ll feel better after going to church tomorrow. I always feel better after spending time in God’s house. So I think I’m done with this subject for tonight. More later.