Esprit de l'escalier

“Dermott (Red) Cullen” wrote:
IT IS AMAZING THAT EVERY MAN RECOGNIZES THESE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
DEALING WITH ANOTHER MAN VERSES ANY WOMAN, BUT WOMEN DO NOT SEEM TO
RECOGNIZE ANY OF THESE.

———————————————————————————————————————————————–
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. Please note … These are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If
it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes — tops. What makes
you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t
expect us to act like soap opera guys

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We
refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to
do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining
to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care
about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act
like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an
answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Peanuts are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind
that, it’s like camping.