Esprit de l'escalier

Once again, I am blessed beyond words. Why is God so good to me? What did I do? There are so many other wonderful women out there.
Last night Josh sent me a bundle of daisies and a hand written card that said “Just because…I am grateful for the friend and the testimony that you have been.” – Josh.
He’s a great guy and he’s handsome and ‘really really’ …errr…healthy…if you know what I mean. haha. Yes, I’ll be blunt, he’s built. hehe. Anyhow, he intercepted me after work today and took me to dinner. We talked, like usual. I think he’s convinced that if he’s patient enough, I’ll give in. This is what all the guys are saying to me. They all think that if they’re patient…all the other prospects will fall away and they’ll be the last one standing. It’s as though this is all just a game…a challenge that they can win or overcome to prove themselves. They all want to ‘know’ me and win me over. Well, I’m sorry guys…you are all really sweet, wonderful, Godly men…but so far all I’m seeing is vanilla.
When I got back last night I checked my messages, one was from Prentice…he’s a sweetheart. He just called to wish me a happy Easter. Well, I think he might also have been calling to get his sweatshirt back. I’m not sure…he didn’t mention it in the message, I’m just guessing.
I also got an email from Drew. He sent me this amazing poem that the Holy Spirit spoke through him during his quiet time the other night. And he gave me an update and said that he had been thinking of me. That’s sweet.
I thought about it some more and I’ve been wondering…am I just not letting myself be swept off of my feet? Am I simply too stubborn? Are my expectations unreasonable? I’d hate to think that I’d be settling for anything, but I often catch myself questioning motives.
I mean, I know that I’ve given this whole situation over to God…but I often wonder if it’s just that I haven’t been paying attention. Perhaps I missed something that He was trying to show me.
Back in the day, women didn’t have the choice that we have now. They didn’t have their pick of any man. They were subjected to arranged marriages, or their pick of whoever was in the area. We can travel and meet people from around the world! (Well, almost…you know what I mean.) I almost wish sometimes that the choice was made for us. I would trust my parents a hundred percent. But I know if it were the other way around, I’d probably be complaining about that too.
Honestly, I don’t know that I am good enough for any of these guys. Sure I have my moments of cuteness and I brush my teeth several times a day and read the Bible. But seriously! I kind of wonder if they’re after me simply because I didn’t swoon and throw myself at their every whim. I’m a challenge. Arrggghhh, I’m sick and I’m confused and I think my period is going to hit me soon. Blah. Perhaps I’ll have forgotten all about this after I finish my work and go to bed.