Scary Dreams…
Wake up with a jolt…gasping for air…palms hot and clamy…every muscle is tense…fists clenched…pillows on the floor…sheets twisted holding me to the bed like hospital restraints…pajamas clinging in a cold sweat…short, quick breaths, heart racing, foggy sight, shifty eyes, dark silence, I can feel a presence and it’s not just my roommate…
I have been having the craziest most frightening nightmares these past few nights. I’m not quite sure how to describe them…but it’s extremely nerve racking because it seems like it’s been forever since I’ve had such scary dreams.
The one I had last night was especially scary…
I was at someone’s house, a bunch of my friends were there…but a lot of them were friends I hadn’t seen in a long long time. Jxxx was there and so were many other special ‘others’. There were also several SPUers, but I won’t mention any names. I was helping to do something big, or set up something…I can’t recall what I just remember I was trying to do an activity of great importance to help others. I would be talking to a friend when all of a sudden while I was looking straight at them, they would change. Their voice would go deep and gravely…almost satanic…and they would say something like “Sxxxx, come with me!!! Come with meeeee!”. The friends face would go pale and discolored, like they were dead and decaying. Their eyes would go white and that was the freakiest part. But I knew it was a demon possessing them, so I yelled as loud as I could “In the Holy name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I comand you to leave!” and I kept doing this over and over because everytime I would come to a friend thinking I was safe…their face would get those black freckles and their eyes would go grey and the demon would show itself. I wish I could describe it well enough to show how scary it was. I think the worst part of it was that I felt so helpless.
I think these bad dreams have maybe been God’s way of telling me to watch out because there is some heavy spiritual warfare going on. I know the devil hates it when we are striving to grow closer to God, and that’s what I’ve been doing a lot lately, expecially through prayer. I also know though, that God has been stronger than ever in my life this past week because I have been weak. 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My grace is made sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
My weakness has been vulnerability. I have been confronted with situations lately that have required me to open myself up to others. I have not been able to define exactly why I have a hard time with “opening up”, other than maybe it’s just because I think I’m afraid that once a person knows all about me, they may loose interest in a friendship, I’m not sure.
But somehow, by God’s grace, I have been able to let some things off my chest that I have been keeping inside and it felt so great to vent! Through this process I have also met some awsome new friends. These friends are people that I have admired from afar and have been able to grow closer to. I won’t go into detail about them, because of previous findings this past week…haha, maybe some other time. I know that there are some who are thinking to themselves, “What in the world is she talking about? Vulnerability and spiritual warfare?” I’m sorry that I don’t have the time to clearly explain, I just wanted to get this out there for the select few who know exactly what I’m talking about. And finally I’ll close with this…”Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” Proverbs 14:10. Perhaps when I have time…I’ll explain more.
